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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Can DIL really demand this ?

59 replies

4seasons · 18/02/2023 13:18

DS and DIL are getting a divorce. He’s moved out of the family home ( mortgage -free) and is renting until divorce is sorted. He’s just taken a weeks holiday to visit a relative who lives in the other side of the world. His wife says he is being frivolous with money ( only paid air fare … stayed with relative) and is now demanding to see his credit card spending . Is she really entitled to do this ? So as not to drip feed … she is very controlling and wealthy in her own right. As part of the divorce settlement he is asking for very , very little. Just wants out basically.

OP posts:
Original poster
4seasons · 16/06/2023 15:02

Well the divorce has stalled for now ! He’s received an email from her saying that legally he has to pay upkeep for the house that they jointly own and has listed several things that need paying for … some problems with appliances etc. Is he legally obliged to pay her for this ? Seems totally unfair when he is paying for a rental plus utility bills whilst she lives mortgage free in the family home.
He is still paying for his children at university plus health and travel insurance for them.

OP posts:
BetterFuture1985 · 16/06/2023 18:17

@4seasons No, she's talking a load of cobblers. He can safely ignore it and he should speak with a solicitor about taking action to push the divorce forward.

millymollymoomoo · 16/06/2023 18:17

No he doesn’t have to pay
he should move back in

Original poster
4seasons · 16/06/2023 18:20

Thanks for the quick responses . I’d advised him to ignore it but then worried I’d given the wrong advice. The very last thing he wants to do is move back in with her !

OP posts:
millymollymoomoo · 16/06/2023 19:10

Yes but it would help him

  1. reduce his outgoings
  2. take control of the situation
  3. encourage her to proceed

he really needs to push for fdr in court if she won’t progress

BetterFuture1985 · 16/06/2023 21:21

I don't have all the facts but it sounds like your DIL is trying to trick him into looking like he can afford spousal maintenance. A lot of weaker financial parties do this because they can't be arsed to get a proper job or they feel entitled to their ex's lifestyle without doing their share of the work for it.

It is absolutely vital he does not pay her a penny that he does not have to by law. If there is no outstanding mortgage he should be paying absolutely nothing.

Original poster
4seasons · 16/06/2023 21:36

I must admit I hadn’t thought about spousal maintenance. For the last 10 years or so she has worked a day or two a week at various jobs but has made no attempt to resume her career. She has stated that she doesn’t want to work full time and hates any sort of commuting … don’t we all ?!
I just can’t get over the fact that she has literally millions in investments etc. but wants half his pension as she says she has given up her career to look after the children and home. Their youngest child is university age .I understood that the split of marital assets was based on “need”. She certainly doesn’t “ need “ his pension!

OP posts:
BetterFuture1985 · 16/06/2023 22:16

This reply has been deleted

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Nofreshstarthere22 · 16/06/2023 22:17

Its your business how?

Original poster
4seasons · 16/06/2023 22:23

Was the “ it’s your business how ?” addressed to me ? I would have thought that was obvious. He is my son and I do not want him to be made poorer than he should be. Does that answer your question ?

OP posts:
BetterFuture1985 · 16/06/2023 22:29

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
4seasons · 16/06/2023 22:43

I don’t know how to highlight your user name Better Future but I take your point !
Might be worth pointing out too that my son asked me to look through her messages and give him my advice / opinions. I don’t usually stick my nose in where it’s not wanted ! I’m learning more about divorce than I ever wanted or expected to.

OP posts:
Coyoacan · 17/06/2023 02:20

@BetterFuture1985

Whao, that is some chip on your shoulder.

Tourmalines · 17/06/2023 02:26

Nofreshstarthere22 · 16/06/2023 22:17

Its your business how?

Pull your head in .

LindorDoubleChoc · 17/06/2023 03:44

I didn't think you could ring-fence "capital assets" in a long marriage? Surely HE is entitled to 50% of HER wealth?

He does need a good, specialist divorce lawyer.

Original poster
4seasons · 17/06/2023 04:30

He is very unwilling to claim half of her capital assets . He just wants his half of the house and to keep his pension . She is of the opinion that her wealth is hers alone but that he “ owes” her . I think , not surprisingly , that she is angry / upset that he left her ( no other parties involved ) and is determined that he should be punished. I am beginning to think he’s made a mistake in not counter claiming against her assets and will be telling him this. I’m wondering if it’s because he just wants it all over and done with and also doesn’t want his children to think badly of him .

OP posts:
AngelAurora · 17/06/2023 05:12

4seasons · 16/06/2023 21:36

I must admit I hadn’t thought about spousal maintenance. For the last 10 years or so she has worked a day or two a week at various jobs but has made no attempt to resume her career. She has stated that she doesn’t want to work full time and hates any sort of commuting … don’t we all ?!
I just can’t get over the fact that she has literally millions in investments etc. but wants half his pension as she says she has given up her career to look after the children and home. Their youngest child is university age .I understood that the split of marital assets was based on “need”. She certainly doesn’t “ need “ his pension!

With respect, why are you putting your sons business out on here? His divorce is absolutely nothing to do with you, he has already told you he is paying a solicitor to sort this out, you need to back off. Stop interfering

AngelAurora · 17/06/2023 05:13

4seasons · 16/06/2023 22:23

Was the “ it’s your business how ?” addressed to me ? I would have thought that was obvious. He is my son and I do not want him to be made poorer than he should be. Does that answer your question ?

It's none of your business OP

Original poster
4seasons · 17/06/2023 05:25

I’m sorry you feel that way Angel Aurora but having been asked for advice by my son I shall do my best to give it.
Also , this is an anonymous forum and one which many women ( and men ) ask for advice. I’m pretty sure there are people who use this forum who are more knowledgeable than I am regarding the questions I have asked. I’m very grateful for their advice and understanding.

OP posts:
ThatFraggle · 17/06/2023 05:36

If I were you, I'd stay out of their divorce.

They both have lawyers.

Your son is capable of starting his own threads if he wants.

Just support your son emotionally.

booksandcats22 · 17/06/2023 05:45

Some of these replies are absolutely ridiculous, of course a mother is going to be invested in supporting her adult child especially in a situation where it seems the adult child has asked for advice. In addition, there are loads of threads about people's PILs and no one says don't put their business online. I have a feeling the responses would be totally different if this thread was about the OPs daughter not their son.

Original poster
4seasons · 17/06/2023 05:47

Until now …. when I was asked for advice … I have kept out of their divorce. I’ve also supported them both emotionally , ditto the grandchildren. They both have solicitors but solicitors’ advice comes with a hefty price tag …
I would rather not get involved at all to be honest but won’t stand by and watch whilst my son gets financially ruined if there is anything I can do to prevent it.

OP posts:
Aubree17 · 17/06/2023 06:12

Isn't a divorce settlement calculated at the date of separation?
If so I can't see she would be entitled to see post separation finances.

Original poster
4seasons · 17/06/2023 06:16

Aubree17 … this is yet another thing I don’t know about !
I also wish I knew how to highlight peoples’ user names when replying to them … apologies.

OP posts:
Aubree17 · 17/06/2023 06:21

The other point is he may need to make a claim on her assets to offset giving her a share of his pension (which she would be legally entitled to).

I am sure the lawyers will keep him right.

I would also bat off the house upkeep demand by saying " give full details and receipts to my solicitor and anything I am rightfully due to pay can be deducted from my share of the house proceeds"

The more I think of it the post separation statement demand does sound controlling and totally unreasonable.