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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

I want to move 35 mins away but ex wants 50/50

63 replies

Roccocoo · 15/02/2023 14:44

Hi there. Divorce applied for and drafting financial order. I want to eventually move 35 mins away from ex to be closer to family and have a fresh new start. I’m currently part time but have seen a new full time job (flexible working) that I may apply for. I want to move with my child and change schools but can I actually do this? Ex won’t be moving and obviously we can’t do 50/50 under this arrangement. Ex works full time and also has flexible working. I desperately need to move away and start again but can I be I stopped? It’s important to me that our child has time with both of us but staying in our current area is not an option for me. Thank you .

OP posts:
dotdotdotdash · 15/02/2023 15:25

You won't like me saying this, but it's easier on your kids to stay in close proximity with your ex, especially if you're doing 50-50. It adds to their quality of life to be able to get to other parent quickly and easily (and to be able to walk or cycle by themselves as they get older). Also, if you move, their school commute when they are with the other parent is longer.

No one is going to stop you moving but I think it's hard enough on the kids having to shuttle between two places, without adding on long commutes. 35 mins isn't too bad, but I wouldn't do this. I made a pact with my ex that we'd both stay in the same neighbourhood until kids are 18. Just my view.

Danikm151 · 15/02/2023 15:27

35 minutes away isn’t that far really. Unless it’s over motorways and hard to get to

Paturday · 15/02/2023 15:27

I would say 35 mins is close personally.

Thefailinghousewife · 15/02/2023 15:31

I think 35 mins is close too! My school run is 45 mins (private school) so we do that every day as standard.

ineedafairygodmother · 15/02/2023 15:32

35mins isn't that far..... why would this stop your ex having 50:50? Obviously yes it would mean further travel but your move shouldn't impact your DC relationship with the other parent. IF the move will impact their relationship, your ex could apply for a prohibited steps order to prevent you from moving but would have to justify why the move is impacting the relationship and you would have to prove the the move is in the best interest of the children (not you) and show how you will maintain their current relationship with your ex

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 15/02/2023 15:37

35mins is no distance? Why won't it work?

sevenbyseven · 15/02/2023 15:37

I think 35 minutes is close! Moving school as well as divorce is a lot of upheaval at once though - would it be an option to stay put and commute to the new job for a while?

Littlefish · 15/02/2023 15:40

Why would your child(ren) need to move school if you're only moving 35 minutes away?

I live rurally, and that closer than all the secondary schools in the area.

NerrSnerr · 15/02/2023 15:41

Could you get the job and maybe move half may so only about 15 miles? I'd also keep him in the same school, divorce, having two houses and a school move is a lot.

NerrSnerr · 15/02/2023 15:42

Or could you just commute? I have done shorter commutes than this.

PeekAtYou · 15/02/2023 15:43

He could stop you (technically your daughter) from moving.

sanityisamyth · 15/02/2023 15:44

35 minutes is fine. ExH decided to move 65 MILES away from DS which takes an hour and a half. DS hates his dad though so only goes every 4-6 weeks and his dad dies all the driving so that helps.

Liorae · 15/02/2023 15:46

I think if you move you will have to do the driving for contact. Would you be ok with that?

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/02/2023 15:48

35 minutes in London is a few streets if you're driving.

Can you agree they stay in the same school for now, you commute to drop them, then when they're changing schools, nearer you?

Dillydollydingdong · 15/02/2023 15:49

You could go without problem unless your Ex decided to go to court over it. If you were going a long way away, the court might rule in his favour but what's 35 minutes? Nothing, is it? He'd be unlikely to get a court to rule in his favour. Just tell him you're going.

MichelleScarn · 15/02/2023 15:50

Agree 35 mins is nothing if the commute would only be to be closer to your family.
How old are the dc? Would moving closer to your family be more beneficial to them than moving away from their dad, school and friends?
Surely if the new job is only 35 mins away you can commute?

CrescentMoons · 15/02/2023 15:53

sanityisamyth · 15/02/2023 15:44

35 minutes is fine. ExH decided to move 65 MILES away from DS which takes an hour and a half. DS hates his dad though so only goes every 4-6 weeks and his dad dies all the driving so that helps.

I moved 300 miles away - he fought it in court but I had written a solicitors letter saying I wanted to move he had contact but I had a restraining order in place - and he never replied to it. I moved out of the back and beyond to an area with good school etc and the judge let us move. He has some contact and drives half way for contact

PaigeMatthews · 15/02/2023 15:56

35 mins is nothing. My ds’s son is that far away from our home. And thats a motorway drive.

Spidey66 · 15/02/2023 15:59

35 mins? That's hardly anything! The way you're talking you're in John O'Groats and planning to move to Lands End.

SeriouslyLTB · 15/02/2023 15:59

If you move but kids stay at same school and you commute it’s fine.

If you are set in them changing schools then no, you can’t move.

Steppedystep · 15/02/2023 16:00

There’s no need for your child to move schools in this scenario. One less change for them to absorb.

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/02/2023 16:02

Move but don’t change schools. Why should his half of the school runs be longer or your DC go through that upheaval on top of everything else? He’d have to agree a school move and understandably probably won’t want to.

AnnaMagnani · 15/02/2023 16:04

35 minutes? That's less than a standard commute.

Actually it's less than it took me to get to school as a child.

Why can't you do 50:50?

Ponderingwindow · 15/02/2023 16:06

35 minutes isn’t that far. The children don’t need to change schools.

if that school run seems unmanageable to you, then pick a different neighborhood where it won’t be quite so bad.

MsMarch · 15/02/2023 16:07

Broadly, I agree with other posters but there are other variables that should probably be taken into account. How well do you and your ex get on? Will you be able to agree a schedule that allows you to share the lifting, whatever school they go to? How does it impact the children's social lives? I mean, 35 minutes doesn't feel that far away to me so I'm not sure I'd be getting divorced AND making kids move school and change friendships etc for that. You could move 20 minutes away, easily still do the school run and also be closer to your family/ new job.

It does feel like you're planning to do an awful lot of uprooting for a relatively close move. DS goes to a club that's about 35 minutes away - I wouldn't want to commute that for school every day as 35 minutes is when things are working so I do understand why you don't want to lave them at the same school, but surely there's a compromise? eg, there is a village (admittedly, out of our price range) that is about half way between the DC's school and DC's activity which I aspire to!

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