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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Fair Offer to ex DH

94 replies

Twiglett2 · 25/11/2022 13:54

Can anyone advise if this offer seems fair?

House vale £280k, mortgage £45k. I want to offer to pay off the mortgage and give him £60k

He is the higher earner, I work part time. We have 2 school age children (both over 10). He does not see them at all and has not for months. This is their choice and he's made zero effort to change the situation. He currently lives between his parents' and gf / affair partner's.

We had been together 19 years, lived together over 16 and this property is our marital home.

OP posts:
Aldidl · 25/11/2022 13:58

What other assets or agreements? Pensions? I’ve not heard of anyone divorcing with a 25:75 split.

losingit31 · 25/11/2022 14:00

Are either of you using a solicitor? It makes no difference to him whether you pay off the mortgage or not if he is transferring his portion to you. He could argue for 50% of the equity.

ArcticSkewer · 25/11/2022 14:02

Are those the only assets?
No pensions?
Expensive cars?

sneezingpandamum · 25/11/2022 14:06

It doesn't really sound very fair - in fairness to him? By rights he is entitled to half - so £117,500

I'm in process of buying STBEXH out and we are currently agreeing around 60-40 in my favour purely because we have 3 very young children whose 100% live with me so my housing needs are greater

Craver · 25/11/2022 14:08

What about pensions, investments, savings, proper access arrangements.
Speaking personally, I would value the advice of a good solicitor rather than random people on mum's net.

LeavesOnTrees · 25/11/2022 14:08

Pension share ?
You need to check how much that is worth.

Why 60K ? Seems a bit random.

CrampMcBastard · 25/11/2022 14:10

If your HD’s infidelity has factored into your assessment of fair, then no, whatever figure you have produced cannot be “fair”.

Original poster
Twiglett2 · 25/11/2022 14:27

I worked it out as 35% of the equity to him plus I pay off the mortgage as it worked out roughly the same as him getting 40% of the total £280k (minus some repairs I've had to pay for).

@sneezingpandamum

How are you working out your split? If I agreed my ex got 40% of the equity that would be £94k but would I also have to pay off / take on the
mortgage? If do that would in effect be more a 50/50 split.

OP posts:
Original poster
Twiglett2 · 25/11/2022 14:30

No pensions, both have other assets but for various reasons (namely that he won't want to have his business accounts looked into) it will likely just come down to us agreeing a split on the house.

I have seen a solicitor, but with my ex being unwilling to complete the form E or attend mediation she could only give minimal advice. I don't want to waste thousands by going to court.

OP posts:
ArcticSkewer · 25/11/2022 14:30

Would you feel differently if his pension was worth £500k and you have to sell your house to survive in old age?

What's the value of all other assets?

ArcticSkewer · 25/11/2022 14:31

If there's no pension and other assets are equally split, why not suggest your offer and see what he says?
It isn't equal but he may be willing to let you have more

CrampMcBastard · 25/11/2022 14:33

OP,

280 - 45 = 235

60 / 235 = 0.255

Your proposal is approx 25%

CrampMcBastard · 25/11/2022 14:37

@sneezingpandamum has divided your equity by half to show what a 50:50 starting point looks like.

It doesn’t matter that you’re paying off the mortgage. That’s your choice and nothing to do with assets in the marriage

Original poster
Twiglett2 · 25/11/2022 14:37

@ArcticSkewer

Tbh with how much he's lied he could have pensions, property and a business earning way more than he's led me to believe but I really don't care. I'd just like to be able to buy him out of our family home so me and my children have stability. I'll be looking to go full time once everything is sorted out and my youngest is a bit older.

I'm trying to work out the lowest fair (ish) offer to put forward to him. No solicitor will advise on financials without full disclosure from both sides, I wasted £250 to find that out.

OP posts:
HundredMilesAnHour · 25/11/2022 14:41

Your offer most definitely isn't fair, based on the information you've given. A 75:25 split in your favour is a long way from fair, even if your children were little (which they're not).

Original poster
Twiglett2 · 25/11/2022 14:42

I'm taking into account the section 25 with my offer as he is the higher earner and I'm doing 100% of the childcare and have always done the majority of it.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 25/11/2022 14:47

Suggest your offer but if he says no, and he probably will as it leaves him unable to house himself, you might not avoid court. If it gets that far they’ll expect you to work ft now as your children aren’t young.

Dacquoise · 25/11/2022 14:57

It's not unusual for the resident parent to have a larger split of property assets if they are lower earner and need more accommodation to house children. It's more about needs than a 'fair' 50/50 split. That's a starting point for a divorce settlement.

However, if he agreed to this a judge would need an overall picture of both parties finances to sign off a financial order.

Also, I suspect you may be doing yourself a diservice by not seeking full disclosure. What if he is sitting on shares, properties and pension? You could end up with much much less of overall share, plus the full responsibility for your children which doesn't come cheap. I can understand you wanting to get this over with but women end up much worse off in divorce by letting go of their entitlement to a fair settlement.

You can make an application for financial settlement yourself without a solicitor. Form Es discloing income and assets need to be submitted to the court.

Is he paying child maintenance? Perhaps a claim to the CMS would force disclosure of his income?

Original poster
Twiglett2 · 25/11/2022 15:08

@Dacquoise

He would drag out completing a Form E and most likely hide or not declare assets. I can't afford a legal bill of over £10k which is what the solicitor advised it could be if we end up going to court.

What I'm hoping to do is come to a financial agreement and get that all signed off legally and to then do the divorce at a later date.

OP posts:
CrampMcBastard · 25/11/2022 15:20

Is your divorce underway? I think you need your nisi before you can get a consent order.

LemonTT · 25/11/2022 15:40

Twiglett2 · 25/11/2022 15:08

@Dacquoise

He would drag out completing a Form E and most likely hide or not declare assets. I can't afford a legal bill of over £10k which is what the solicitor advised it could be if we end up going to court.

What I'm hoping to do is come to a financial agreement and get that all signed off legally and to then do the divorce at a later date.

People avoid using lawyers and expensive legal bills by coming to realistic and mutually beneficial settlements.

When one or both parties have unrealistic and unachievable demands you are going to end up in court. Especially if it is materially worth it. He could spend £10k to gain £10k. You could spend £10k to lose another £10k. Based on the information you posted that is a real possibility.

SeasonFinale · 25/11/2022 15:50

Are you able to have the mortgage transferred just into your name though?
The value of the house is still £280k even if you pay the mortgage from now on. So it is £235k that needs a split IF no other assets. So I suspect there is no way he will accept £60k which is just over 25% whatever the other circumstances.

Dacquoise · 25/11/2022 16:12

Twiglett2 · 25/11/2022 15:08

@Dacquoise

He would drag out completing a Form E and most likely hide or not declare assets. I can't afford a legal bill of over £10k which is what the solicitor advised it could be if we end up going to court.

What I'm hoping to do is come to a financial agreement and get that all signed off legally and to then do the divorce at a later date.

Not sure how confident you are but it is possible for you to call for a disclosure hearing if he doesn't comply with Form E requirements. I represented myself in court, saved a fortune, but did force my ex to disclose substantial pensions he was trying to hide. The judge was very kind and understanding. As @LemonTT has said the risk of court is the same if not more for someone playing games.

amiold · 25/11/2022 16:22

I wouldn't accept that if I was him either. It's not a favour to him to be worse off

Elieza · 25/11/2022 16:36

They are giving me around 4.25 times my salary in a mortgage.

Does 4.25 times your salary cover the amount of mortgage you need to buy him out?