Fair Offer to ex DH

[Twiglett2]

Can anyone advise if this offer seems fair?

House vale £280k, mortgage £45k. I want to offer to pay off the mortgage and give him £60k

He is the higher earner, I work part time. We have 2 school age children (both over 10). He does not see them at all and has not for months. This is their choice and he's made zero effort to change the situation. He currently lives between his parents' and gf / affair partner's.

We had been together 19 years, lived together over 16 and this property is our marital home.

@DrMarciaFieldstone

A shock in what regards?

I have spoken to 3 solicitors and all have advised 60/40 in my favour is likely but they can't say without full financial disclosure. Which he won't give.

I know (and have said) I will need to increase my hours but that is just not possible in the current situation. It would have to be after next September, but even then still not ideal due to an almost complete lack of childcare support.

@ArcticSkewer

Based on what he declares (which always varies slightly) I will get approx £320. He may choose to pay slightly more, through guilt more than anything. I wouldn't even try to go for spousal as there's no chance of me getting that and I don't want him supporting me.

@millymollymoomoo

I will be able to pay off the £45k as long as he will accept a certain amount of the equity, or be willing to wait a couple of years for a proportion of it.

This is important, OP. Do try everything you legally can to get full disclosure, as he is very likely to be hiding assets. He clearly doesn't give a damn about you and DC, so he's not going to be fair or honest. I wish you the best of luck.

You need to be splitting (in whatever ratio you agree on) the equity in the house. You then use that equity and a mortgage to buy your own home. Just because you want to stay in the marital home doesn't change that.

So 60/40 means you get 60% of the equity and then take out a mortgage for the rest of the value of the home. You can't include the mortgage in the transaction at all.

@Ofcourseshecan

Thank you. I don't want to go into too much detail on here but it is highly unlikely either myself or ex will ever struggle financially. This is why I have no interest in going after any other assets he may have. The house is important to me as my children do not want to have to move, they have been through a lot and I want as much stability for them as possible. Tbh I'm also furious with him so not inclined to be any "fairer" than I have to be.

I've named changed for this as some of the details might be recognisable.

But I'm bemused by the responses on here. Assets are split according to need and it's ALL assets, which can mean one person gets a bigger proportion of a equity in a house and the other gets a bigger proportion of pensions/savings/whatever. It's the overall division of all assets - and there is no such thing as 'starting point is 50/50'.

You need a home for the children. It seems he doesn't want or need one?. He has more earning power and more ability get a higher mortgage/new home. So you getting more of the equity of the house is a reasonable starting point. Then it's a question of how much more. If you are willing to forgo a claim to assets such as pensions, then the overall settlement may be slower to 60/40 (or similar) than the 75/25 for the house alone. Clean breaks are favoured these days so you taking a higher proportion of the house, rather than prolonging processes with other assets and pensions could be considered reasonable. If you getting a higher split of the house would leave him struggling or disadvantaged in terms of getting a home with space for the kids, that would be different.

I've been advised (twice, by 3 solicitors in total due to stopping and then re-starting the process. That I would be able to split the house as an asset 80/20 in my favour, because it would result in an overall division of assets of around 60/40. My getting more of the house, but a lower proportion of other assets should be considered reasonable because: 1. I am a much lower earner so hard for me to buy otherwise and 2. I am primary cared (hence lower earned) to our children. SEN and disabilities mean 50/50 care of the children is not remotely in their best interests, with no dispute over that, so my housing needs are 'greater' as it were. 3. Dividing the assets this ways facilitates a clean break and exDh and I both agree to it. So far it's going okay along those lines. I have two local friends who have done similar so I have no reason to think there will be a big bump in the road for us (unless ex changes his mind!).

The big challenge is whether your ex and his solicitor agree and whether the overall settlement, not just the house, seems reasonable and equitable.

He may well accept what you are proposing in exchange for you not bringing any other assets (business, pension etc.) into the equation. It really depends on whether it is worth his while. You could offer him this split or court and see what he says.

Failure to disclose assets during a divorce is contempt of court and could result in fines/imprisonment or any settlement being set aside - I imagine this would at least make him think twice about lying about his assets if you end up having to go to court.

@separatinground2 www.acclaimedfamilylaw.co.uk/blog/divorce-settlement-what-am-i-entitled-to/

It is not a rule that matrimonial assets be split 50/50 on divorce; however, it is generally a starting point.
The court’s aim is to divide assets in a way that is fair and equal, but this does not necessarily mean half and half. A number of factors will be considered by the court.

now unwatching and loging off :)

Tbh I understand why you want more but
His high earnings and your part time work were how you as a couple decided to fund your life.
I would imagine that you may have been unhappy if he had insisted you work full time and had put the kids in full time nursery.

In any event I think you need to stop talking about you paying off mortgage. You need to look at the equity and how that is split. You then decide if you can afford to take on house alone or not. I am not sure why he would accept 60. Him having nothing to do with kids while horrible is also not relevant. Presumably he will need to pay maintenance. You will also get more to house them.

@separatinground2

Thank you, what you have said is pretty much what I've been advised "off record" by my solicitor. That if I forgo making any claim on his business that I could push for a bigger share of the house. I'm happy to do that as I'm well aware he could very easily make his earnings look lower than they are.

He is never going to have to house our children as even if they eventually choose to see him they do not and will not want to stay over. He is with his affair partner.

The problem I have with with doing it properly through sols is his reluctance to do that. However this may well work in my favour as he's more likely to agree an equity split very much in my favour

@cansu

My being part time was very much what we both wanted, our children were in nursery the days I worked. Paid for jointly.

I have X amount available which is enough to clear the mortgage if he accepts up to a certain amount, if not I would need a small mortgage or loan. That is fine but obviously I want to borrow as little as possible The children not seeing / staying with him at all is is very much relevant under section 25.

Just to note here, solicitors are known for telling you what you want to hear to draw you in.

Is he not wanting to see the kids or do you not want him to?

@ttcttc

I don't think that's the case as they were very cautious to advise re finances at all without full disclosure. But from my own research snd from friends' experience I know that a 50/50 split in my situation is highly unlikely.

Without going into too much detail they refuse to see him and are old enough to make that choice. I did initially encourage and facilitate contact but they wanted to stop.

Hmm. But they advised you "off record" with no proof of what they've said is likely. Just be careful.

Ahhh I get you no. I thought they were under ten from you saying you couldn't work full time but I'm assuming they're teens if they're privy to adult issues. At that age it would be difficult for him to get access to them through family courts, had they have been younger he'd have no doubt said they'd been swayed by the an upset mum/alienation and he'd cheated on mum not the kids etc but I think he would struggle at their age. They're obviously upset with him for their own reasons

You have £235k equity between you.
My friends In a similar set up have had a 60/40 split plus child maintenance I think they were hard done by but that seems to be how courts view things.

Unless there are some substantial other assets eg investments, pensions, this would leave you to pay off your £45k mortgage on your own and to give your ex £94k. He would pay monthly child maintenance.

He might go for it if you point out you're not asking for half his pension, and will forgo any examination of his business accounts.

It may be an offence to fail to disclose all assets but tbh this seems usual and I have never know anyone be penalised for doing this. The likelihood is that your DH will fail to disclose all his assets and will not be held to account for this.

@Twiglett2

There is nothing that says that in a divorce You get to pay the mortgage off....I'm taking on the mortgage in my name and paying my STBEXH about 40% of the equity

House worth £350k
Mortgage £80k
STBEXH getting around £60k once certain other debts repaid (not mortgage debt)

My ex very unlikely ever to have the children over night either. Still doesn't mean that I get most of the equity in a home that he had paid the mortgage on....

When you say you've always done 100% of the childcare that suggests you are a STAHM....still doesn't mean you get to be mortgage free by way of divorce - you'll be expected to go back to work and pay the mortgage if you want to keep the house

@sneezingpandamum

I know the divorce doesn't have to be paid off but I would prefer to be able to, that will depend on what share of the equity he wants.

As you're married who paid the mortgage is irrelevant, as is who put what deposit down. If you need to house the children and he doesn't that is relevant. Are you sure you're getting a fair split?

I said I do 100% of the childcare now, whilst working part time. I have always worked and done the majority. We were both happy with this.

He's self employed. How good would his pension be?

@ttcttc

I have read up a lot and taken legal advice so I'm 99% certain I will get a higher % of the equity. I'm just trying to work out what to try for.

Don't want to be too specific but one near 10 one older. Older child knows more but they both know the basics, younger child let down multiple times so chose to stop seeing him. Both have phones and can contact him if they want to.

@sneezingpandamum

Sorry I meant mortgage not divorce.

@ttcttc

No pensions, either of us.