Would a judge FORCE me to Leave??

[ZAK3]

Hi, husband emotionally abusive I have a case worker now, have a shared ownership flat own 50% , despite him telling me he guaranteed me he wouldn't force a sale , hes now changed his tune & said he's instructing a solicitor

i don't want to leave the home, 3 kids youngest about to start school , the mortgage part is very low, it would mean going from an already overcrowded home to private renting somebody else's Flat, houses are crazy around my area so a 3 bed is around 1,450 pcm to 1800 & above , I earn minimum wage

His salary would enable him to private rent but of course he doesn't want to he wants equity to buy somewhere ( would only be able to do a housing scheme)

I have already had legal advice & she thought it was very unlikely a judge would order a sale but I guess you never know!!!

Does anyone have any experience or advice??? TIA

Of course they do. I've had 2 of my friends forced to sell for their partners, both had marriages over 15 years and children involved. The reality is, the judge will wonder why OP gets to keep an asset jointly owned when the ex doesn't. It's rarer for a judge to defer a sale, they prefer a clean financial break for both parties.

I totally get that people are saying why should she keep a property & him not have anything but what I’m trying to get across is this is not me saying I don’t want to downsize my lovely 4 bed detached home , this is me saying I’m already in an 2 bed property with 3 children , he is really bad with money so if it was a forced sale the children wouldn’t have any stable home & we would both be renting & me relying on all my rent being paid by UC , how is that the best option , not to mention the huge issues with the rental market

Many of us on here are trying to give you practical advice. We have no idea whether your circumstances would result in a judge awarding a mesher order. They are an option for a judge to award under certain circumstances.

Given the impact on your exs financial future it will not be awarded lightly or automatically. It will be up to you to demonstrate there is no other housing option. Which is why people are advising that you definitely establish that there is no route for you to find a suitable home.

Establish facts not opinions to support your case. Be your own critical friend in testing whether your contentions are relevant and strong. You don’t need a solicitor to establish your income, which should include all potential benefits and support. You don’t need a solicitor to do a property search to establish there are no affordable properties you can rent. You don’t need a solicitor to check out whether you can take over the mortgage or release some equity to him. But you will need to present this as evidence not yet appointed solicitor this as evidence might persuade him not to go to court. But you need to offer him something. A timeframe for a sale etc.

I would also question your assertion that keeping hold of this property is a good idea in the long term. It won’t keep up with the market as a shared ownership property. You will own a share of a share despite paying the mortgage for years. It will inevitably be too small for you when the children grow. Despite being difficult to get hold of, a housing association or council house would be low cost and stable.

Thank you they are all valid points & I take them on board , there is so much to consider

I do feel I'm being very realistic in terms of there not being much else of a solution , I would no doubt be bottom of the pile for council or housing association property , a lady on my estate only finally got moved out of her two bedroom flat once she had her 5th child , with it making them a family of 7 living there, she got a lovely brand new house on a new estate 5 mins away! How lovely!

my friend who lives 5 mins from me has been on the council list since her 1st child was born , he will be 9 soon! So I can't listen to posters who tell me oh the council will house you etc!

My only option is renting & for any affordable rent it would mean moving a very long distance away , so all children would have to leave their schools & their friends this would absolutely destroy them & I can't see any judge deeming that acceptable just so my ex can get his share but Obviously I don't know anyone who has been through this

I don't know the law very well and would have thought it implied Mesher Orders would be common, where one person stays in the house until the children of the family are 18. My layperson's reading of the 1973 Matrimonial Causes Act would imply that's the court's priority.

And yet statistically Mesher Orders seem to be incredibly rare these days. It seems more likely that one person gets the house and the other the pension (maybe?)

I wonder whether it's because:

1. It's impossible for either parent to afford the mortgage (and similarly impossible to expect the NRP to pay towards it if they also have to pay rent);

2. Childcare tends to be shared more commonly now, so both parents need appropriate housing;

3. Wealthier parents tend to both work (and both parents are expected to work) meaning both have a mortgage capacity and downsizing could be more realistic for this group;

4. Rent is more normal for families these days.

Who knows. Probably depends on the judge though and I guess the question is how much capital do you want to risk taking this to court?

Mesher orders aren’t used frequently because they are rarely a good option for people who want to severe their legal and financial relationship. Remaining dependent or tied to exs isn’t desirable and creates it’s own financial risks.

Many people default to them for emotional reasons when there are better alternatives. In reality many women forget they will be funding an investment vehicle for their ex and a decade down the line they will have to pay this out. In the meantime the woman’s earning power has stalled and they have less time to rebuild their finances.

There will be cautionary tales on here of women whose children are now 18 but they can’t or don’t want to sell the family home. But they are legally required to hand over up to 50% of their home equity.

so all children would have to leave their schools & their friends this would absolutely destroy them & I can't see any judge deeming that acceptable just so my ex can get his share but Obviously I don't know anyone who has been through this

To be blunt, DC have to move house and change schools for all sorts of reasons, and they cope. A judge is going to deem that acceptable, unless you have rock solid medical/psychiatric evidence that shows otherwise

I have no concrete advice I do feel for you. I was in a similar position but not married and it wasn't shared ownership and only 1 dc so I can't imagine how stressed you are.

It's good that he's moved out my ex stayed until the house sold. I got a second job in order for me to pass the affordability checks for rentals. That's the thing, you need affordability checks to rent too it isn't just a mortgage and if you get equity over £16k you won't qualify for UC so you will need to show your affordability with work or offer to pay the rent in a lump sum which I found agents didn't like so I had to work more to get accepted. Ex had no choice but to facilitate me working or I'd have had to stay in that house until I was forced out. I got a rental sorted then I lost my second job (covid related) and ex paid maintenance when we changed the split to 60/40 and then my equity went under 16k and I got benefits. I spent 15k of my equity in 18months paying for everything but I'd do it again not to be in that house with that man.

It's all shit but you will work your way through it, it does feel impossible at the time but things will improve for you and the dc.

To be honest it’s probably easier for the kids to move school now if you can’t afford the area and are stuck in a 2 bedroom property.

a judge can order a sale - they don’t tend to when children are there but they can. Mesher orders are not necessarily the best solution as pp said above.

Best of luck op - you will get it sorted

I wonder how recent events are going to change things? Mesher Orders to the weaker financial party become completely impractical when interest rates go sky high because they have no prospect of affording the mortgage.