Would a judge FORCE me to Leave??

[ZAK3]

Hi, husband emotionally abusive I have a case worker now, have a shared ownership flat own 50% , despite him telling me he guaranteed me he wouldn't force a sale , hes now changed his tune & said he's instructing a solicitor

i don't want to leave the home, 3 kids youngest about to start school , the mortgage part is very low, it would mean going from an already overcrowded home to private renting somebody else's Flat, houses are crazy around my area so a 3 bed is around 1,450 pcm to 1800 & above , I earn minimum wage

His salary would enable him to private rent but of course he doesn't want to he wants equity to buy somewhere ( would only be able to do a housing scheme)

I have already had legal advice & she thought it was very unlikely a judge would order a sale but I guess you never know!!!

Does anyone have any experience or advice??? TIA

I'm sorry but that's not how it works.

If she was being forced to leave, with 3 young children and couldnt afford private rents, then presenting to the council should be first resort, not last. Temporary housing would likely be offered first but there is a limit to how long this is usually for. Its a case of holding your nerve.

@AnneLovesGilbert no one thinks they have kids with a bad man . It's quite obvious what happens to a lot of women. When women have children, the power balance often changes. That might be down to society ('What's the point in having children for other people to raise them?' And other such comments) the man (why don't you stay home more and I'll be able to get promoted quicker and then we'll have more 'family money') or the woman's own wish.
A huge amount of abuse starts in pregnancy, at which point it's too late. The woman would have to find somewhere to rent or buy when she was just about to have a huge decrease in income due to maternity leave.

It really isn't in your interests to be tied to an abusive man for a further 12-15 years.

Even though he's an abusive man, it doesn't mean you can sit on £30k of his money indefinitely.

If you want to seek a deferred sale, I think you need to be considerably more realistic about the duration, and be able to demonstrate why you need that time (eg period to retrain and job hunt)

You need to talk to a solicitor, probably a financial adviser, and maybe some sort of careers adviser

I have had two lots of legal advice they said I’m probably above the threshold for legal Aid, rough estimates to take to court is about 10/15 k each!!!!

Also said would find it difficult to find lawyers willing to Take fees at the end , so how do people pay?

The housing situation is dire in my area my friend has a 3 kids in a 2 bed flat for last 15 years in housing association & still can’t get anything else despite being top of the list

Dear God

on what do you base this fairy tale??

I had my violent ex hubby removed from our home after years of abuse, u had 2dc in school I had the shittest divorce and it dragged on & on but the judge decided that despite his name being the only one on the mortgage he could not force a sale and I ended up agreeing to a 70/30 split & I stayed in the house till my youngest turned 21 (he has some special needs so it was later.
i don’t know anybody who has been forced to sell in that situation especially given the circumstances.
see a good solicitor, my ex was the most devious shit in the world clever cunning & tried so many bad things my solicitor said he was the worst she’d come across. But fact is a judge won’t make Children homeless.
he’s self employed too and he moaned he couldn’t afford 2 property’s but it didn’t matter.
i paid a contribution to the mortgage and he paid his share as maintenance.

im just saying op so you can see that it’s not always as bad as you think and you do have options if you speak to the right people.
i wasted 20 years of my life love before I made the break and I’m just gutted I didn’t do it sooner x

Junejubilee
no fairy tale lovely that’s for sure, what a bloody odd thing to say 😂

Well that's just wrong. Orders like this are incredibly rare. My friend went to court last year, 2 kids and has been told to sell the house. He has equity in the house so a judge can order it to sell so he can access that.

The reality is if you have a pension and he doesn't is that the pension value will be looked at too as it is an asset.

Even if you had legal aid as you would recover either money or property you would need to repay it.

As others have said courts much prefer clean break orders and obviously there must be other reasons why your solicitor thinks they may make a mesher order ie deferred sale because it is very unusual these days.

I am unsure if you are already taking legal advice what you can get from here where obviously the full facts aren't available.

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious

Seriously Never heard of any one I know (which I understand isn’t a huge sample of the country) has ever come a cropper in this way getting forced to sell.
my best friend is currently doing the same & her DC’s have no issues.
That is the order I got, I’ll send you a copy op and you take it to a solicitor and ask my solicitor told me it’s the norm.
what I’m trying to point out to you is that it’s worth getting advice good sound legal advise, you don’t need to live with the abuse like I did.
Its awful I know and a really awful situation your in but you will get there I promise even if it seems like right now you won’t ‘you will good luck hope it turns out ok for you & the dc’s

Things may have changed hugely in the last 7 years but this is what happened to me and what I'd do differently.

Exh was emotionally, financially and sexually abusive...ramped up in pregnancy.

He ended things but locked me out if the property and I was too scared to try and force way back.

I got tax credits and managed to get a fairly well paid job for 2-3 days a week (about 14k).

I rented for 2 years in a tiny house but it was largely ok though I was very lucky to find it. Ex was in family home and wouldn't leave nor would he progress the divorce he started because he didn't want to give me any money. I had parental support to go to court and I would estimate it took 20k to get 24k back but I got rid of the bastard and any debt risk from him.

If I did it again then I'd not listen to solicitors advising mediation because an abuser wants you to suffer and it's a waste of money and time.

I would really push for legal aid.

Tip... All income was considered for a mortgage so when I did get my money out, it went as a deposit and the income was my salary plus tax credit plus exh maintenance money for child.

I have a big mortgage over 29 years until I'm ancient but it's a nice house in a safe area.

Not sure if that's helpful or not but thought I'd share. I know I was lucky to have financial support for court from my parents but also know someone who got legal aid on much flimsier evidence than I did. I just believed solicitors telling me I wouldn't get it. Not sure if that was really accurate now. maybe it's a bit of a postcode lottery.

ConfusedNoMore

Same here, my solicitor convinced me I wouldn’t have a hope in hell of getting legal aid and I spent an eye watering 26k getting shut of him.
however afterwards I found out I’d of got legal aid with half the evidence I had as police had my case upgraded to the most serious level of alert.
but solicitor just thought of herself and a big pay check, sadly.
I totally understand what your saying though it’s just awful and so frustrating.

@Findingfreedom22 I'm sorry you went through that but I'm sure although it's frustrating and really unjust getting screwed over... 26k is sooooooo worth paying for freedom

I have two friends who went through the same thing. Both can stay in the home until the youngest is 18. Hope all works out for you. All the best.

ConfusedNoMore

Seriously now I’m away from it I’d do it again in a heartbeat for the freedom I have now, just don’t know what took me so long 😂 but yeh 26k brought me a new life. You too hey!
hope it’s turned out to be a good one 💐 nobody deserves to be treated like that nobody! It’s heartbreaking that it’s so common too. You think your the only one when your in the thick of it but so not true sadly x

Wow some of you ladies have really been through the Mill I’m so sorry sounds horrendous, Thank you so much for sharing stories & Advice it all helps

I think the main problem is I don’t know where his heads at, one min he’s guaranteeing me he would force a sale , then the next min says things have changed & that’s what he is doing , I’ve already found things of his he has put on klarna & I know he has cc debt so can’t understand how the hell he could afford to take me to court

It wouldn’t have to be 12-15 years I just need some time to get things in order & maybe a bigger deposit to buy another shared ownership property, I just don’t think it’s in the children’s best interests to move right now

If I upped my hours at my work it would be about 50 hrs per week including commuting I can’t realistically see how on earth that would work with young kids , equally I don’t want to leave a job that although is a low ish paying job, I have private medical care & a pension & I’ve been there a very long time

Sorry meant to say wouldn’t force a sale

Op see what your entitled too, call the benefits office, everything you can think of that your financially attached to him with get copies.
Put it all out the way of him safe.
make notes of his abuse times dates, etc and anything you find out that he’s done doing.

please whatever you do my love don’t just put up & shut up 🤐 that’s the worst thing you can do.
i did this thinking it would keep my family together but it has such huge affects you will come to regret.

he’s a bully, when he’s banging on about what he’s going to do & not do you just let it go over your head. He’s baiting you don’t bite!

Im shocked hearing people claim you will be thrown out forced to sell because it’s really not what I have ever heard & my ex cried poverty it was sad.
He now lives in a huge house with new partner who he is just the same with, the day after my order ended & clean break he went out & purchased a top of the rang Mercedes for himself but couldn’t contribute to counselling for our disabled son 😂 it’s a joke with these men.
stick to your guns & see a solicitor.
Save and be wise with your money.
Be careful though with housing as you can end up having to prove you never made yourself homeless if you leave. I know it sounds bizarre but I’m now in that position we’re Iv had to fight to have the council acknowledge my house was sold because I had no choice it was in the order.

I have thankfully now been put top of the list as my current landlord served a section 21 but how long I’ll wait god knows.
but despite it all as others have said ‘freedom is priceless and you really will be so much happier without him. Big hugs be stronger & wise don’t get into all his arguments and all that just stick to what has to be done for you & the kids 💐 good luck lovely

I didnt know what they were called, but I just googled it and it looks to be roughly similar laws as when I split up from my exh several years ago.
The ex would have to display very good reason why he would need to force a sale, and if the couple are still married then he cant, and if there are dependent children then they absolutely do have the right to stay in the family home if OP can afford to take over the mortgage.
If mesher orders still exist, then theres no reason OP couldnt have one since she has 3 kids under 5

There is no automatic right to remain in the fmh until children are 18
ciurts do prefer clean break if this can be achieved and judges can and do force sales where it’s not possible To retain this/where finances don’t permit/in long periods of tie in etc

however, no one here can predict the outcome for OP. A clean break will be the mail goal and financial ties severed as quickly as possible but they will also consider housing children as a main priority
if the only way to do this is to order a mesher they may do this, perhaps to 18 perhaps sooner within a defined shorter term

The issue is that both parties need to be 'rehomed', Mesher Orders may be rare these days but not unheard of.
Agree you need legal advice, seek a half hour free session although they can only give a slight indication and will never commit to the possible outcome.
Speak to your mortgage company as advised, but to be honest in this situation I think any Judge would award you a larger share of the equity.
As he is self employed I hope he is not registered as an Ltd company because it can prove very difficult to get to the bottom of his true financial situatoin.
Good luck.

UPDATE!!! So here I am back to square one! He finally moved out in May to go & live with family & things have been very acrimonious since

I have various emails saying he would agree to me staying in the flat until my youngest is 16 etc & he didn’t want a long drawn out court battle & the money would be better spent on the kids , he has also told me he’s skint & we are in rent arrears

FF to me saying that things need to be more 50/50 with kids during weekend daytime & fed up of him still relying on me for things he has now informed me he’s going to proceed through legal channels to force the sale & his family have apparently agreed to help him & he will reimburse them with the proceeds & then use left overs to buy/rent

what’s laughable is there is probably only about 60k total equity & I have already been told by one solicitor your looking at 10/15 k each on actually forcing a sale through the courts

Has anyone actually got any experience of having a forced sale? How much did it cost & how long did it take?

Thanks to a lot of the posters who gave me really good advice last time!

It needn't cost you anything if your ex is the one taking you to court to force a sale. All you need to do is to show up on the day and state your position to the judge.

I think it will probably take 6-8 months to get it to court. Good luck.

Thank you I will definitely seek more legal advice, the solicitor had also said it would take quite a long time especially if it needs multiple court appearances

I think there's not a cat in hells chance he will but you just never know I guess!