I did something stupid a month ago. I asked my DH to move out temporarily for a month. I got to breaking point with our arguments, I felt very unhappy and wanted some space, then to come back together and do counselling. At first he was begging me not to ask him to go, saying he would do anything, would do counselling after previously saying no. Over the last two weeks he's done a complete u-turn. He wants to separate, not do counselling. This is his gut feeling, he thinks we will be happier apart. He seems to have made his mind up and nothing I say changes it.
I think I have forgotten why I asked him to go, I have gone into panic stations. Him saying this has given me clarity I want it to work after all but he has all the power now. Asking him to move out feels like the biggest mistake of my life. Telling him no when he didn't want to leave and wanted to engage in counselling feels like the biggest mistake of my life.
I am having panic attacks and crying constantly. We have been together since I was 21 it's all I know. He was my first everything. We have dcs 9 and 6 who's world is about to be destroyed. He won't even try counselling, he's made up his mind. Decided he doesn't love me.
I am so scared to be alone. I get scared in the house alone. I cry going to bed alone and cry waking up alone. He's all I have known for 20 years. I don't think I will manage by myself. I have struggled with friendships and relationships my whole life. Our family unit was the best thing I had and I didn't realise it. I don't have lots of friends around me. I struggle ti make friends and connections. I know I won't meet anyone else. I never get attention from men . I am not good with men. Never really had male friends. I am so scared of being sad and lonely now for the rest of my life.
I have seen others talk about joining groups, keeping busy etc which is fine but at the end of the day they go back to their DHs and I go back to an empty house all by myself. I am not good at being by myself. I am so scared.