The downside of divorce. (Please tread gently.)

[Estherpologist]

First things first, please don't give me a hard time.
Now please, I'm feeling very fragile, so please take on board everything in this post before you comment.
If you haven't been through your own divorce in your late 40s / 50s, please don't respond to this thread - I'm sure your experience is valid, but it likely has no parallels to mine. If you have, especially with early teens kids, then I'm interested in your opinion.
I know the possible and probable up sides of divorce. SO PLEASE DON'T tell me why its the right thing to do. And I'm feeling massively fragile and very defensive today, so if you haven't read this, I'm very sorry, if I tell you to . I'm sorry, but please don't tell me why divorce is the right thing to do. I'm sick of feeling - well, what I feel now I irrelevant to my question, so please don't be the usual internet and please, if you're not going to answer the question directly, please don't answer it at all. And I understand every divorce is different and I don't give a flying * what the up sides are, right now. I just need to be realistic and understand what the net gain/net loss could be FOR ME!

So as a 50-something, what are the down sides of divorce?

Financial is an issue, the psychological implications of "starting again" but at 45 (when I separated) my life was maybe only half done if I enjoy good health.

I'm 3 years on, met someone else and all is great!

So @Estherpologist how are you feeling after reading all of these posts?

We have been honest. Nobody's saccharine coated it but we've all come out the other end stronger and happier I think. Can't speak for everybody but that really is the impression I get reading the thread.

If you want to do it, you can. xx

@sonicmum2002 totally agree with that article. If I want to watch peaky blinders knowing there's a pile of dishes in the sink because i haven't unloaded the dishwasher, I will!

Nobody judges. Nobody tuts.

I have listened to Bella di paolo on youtube and loved her!

@UserBot9to5 - yay, you! I also find Bella depaulo inspirational.

As you only asked for the downsides, these for me were/are: the financial hit and the awful untruthful things he has said/is saying about me.
But that's about it really. Way more positives

I just wanted to say a belated thank you to everyone who replied to this post. I wish I could say individual thanks, but there were so many replies, it just feels overwhelming.
❤❤❤

@Estherpologist - thank you for starting this thread. I sat here tonight thinking what on earth do I do now; I've been wondering that for about 5 years and I am now only weeks away from 60. All the downsides were more or less the ones I'd already thought of, so its good to see them confirmed. My DCs are late teens/early 20s but one is disabled and the other cant afford to leave home so they'd both be with me and I imagine the process of splitting would be awful for them to watch. My H can't control his temper on a normal day let alone once he finds out my plans. We have so little money it would be cutting it to the bone to both get somewhere to live, and much as I can't stand him I don't want to see him have a lonely old age in a bedsit (and neither do the DC).

I'm thinking of a wedding I've been invited to, its a long journey, I have problems driving due to health issues and its too far on the train, would mean leaving disabled DD too long - so yeah I can see what people are saying about having to organise stuff like this alone. However, if I go to this wedding with him, we will make polite chit chat then sit in a corner for a while and then leave.

If I could go alone, I would dance. But if I don't have him to drive/help with care for DD, I wouldn't be able to go at all.

That's a handy sort of metaphor for the level of choice I'm facing. Rocks and hard places. Come back and let us know how you are doing.

My divorce was younger.

Financially, I was better off which really surprised me. Paying for the same home for one should have been more expensive, but it turns out that XH was a huge drain on our finances.

I got injured a lot. I’m very clumsy by nature. Doing everything myself, moving heavy things, doing all the household tasks and repairs, etc, I got hurt often, sometimes seriously. I made more than one trip to a&e. XH wasn’t great at doing stuff around the house, but he did enough to keep my injury rate low.