How do divorce settlements work / in this situation

[Myhusbandisadick]

I am closer and closer to wanting to split it with DH and I think now it is the practicalities that make me question it.

We are both around 40 and have one child under one.

I earn £55K. He earns £37K. He has another child he pays CMS for but she is 16 so only for another two years.

He had a house when I moved in with him and I paid for mortgage jointly. We earned the same then but I paid more for bills and food and holidays as he had CMS to pay as well. He had around £40K equity in the house. I also paid for our wedding but not sure how much it was. Estimate £15K.

We have moved house and we still split the bills but I pay for food, holidays, everything child needs and most significant house expenses like home improvements (these are up to thousands).

I have £10K I have saved. I spend my savings on joint things like furniture mostly but only I have contributed.

We have been married 5 years.

If we split is it likely everything would be split 50/50 including savings? It is frustrating that I have paid for many of the home improvements that are likely to have increased the house value by quite a lot.
I think it should be a case of splitting the house equity 50/50 but then I "get back" what I have spent out of that.

I may speak to a solicitor as I would like to know where I stand and what I would be left with.

If we had the child 50/50 does that mean neither of us pay maintenance or would I have to pay if I earn more?

I expect he would have the child EOW as he does not have any family who could help with childcare. Now I can pay for full time nursery but on my own I'm not sure. I suppose I would have a smaller house and smaller mortgage. If we did 50/50 would he have to pay for half or the nursery fees?

It can't be so unusual for the female to he the higher earner and main carer of the child but it seems like it is so often the man who is the higher earner.

You may have paid for the improvements, but he paid for the house initially before he met you. So that probably evens everything out.
If you have your child 50/50, neither of you will pay CM and will both pay nursery fees - unless he doesn’t use the nursery when the child is with him!

But what about the fact that I paid for the wedding as well?

I have always paid for more than half of everything and it is annoying as I could have saved myself a little pot of money!!

I may have only spent about £20k on improvements and £15 on wedding which is comparable to his existing equity but value in the house is easily up by £100K and would not be without those improvements.

He had said he will be difficult if we split as he does not want to but cannot actually sort himself out.

I can imagine he would struggle to pay nursery fees but he does not have anyone who could help with childcare (unless my family agreed to do it on "his" time) but it probably wouldn't be fair for me to pay for nursery and him to get the free childcare from my family. Without childcare he could only do weekends. And then I would pay for all nursery fees?

I suppose it is fair if we split everything 50/50 but would like to keep the house and wondering how.

If he had baby EOW then he would have to pay CMS but I guess only £200-300 and that is ok.

You may have to let go of some of your investments. Marriage is about compromise and so is divorce. A solicitor is best to sdvise you.

To be honest his needs are greater than yours. He has two children to house and support. He earns less. Be prepared for him to ask and maybe get more than 50% of the equity on that basis alone.

He can also argue that the equity in the house from before the marriage be exempt from the marital pot because it was a short marriage. It was an asset he acquired outside the relationship. It depends on how you treated the money from his house when you moved.

Your problem is the spending you think should be ring fenced are all relevant to the marriage and shared expenses. That includes the wedding and home improvements. There is no residual asset to share from the wedding. It’s a sunk cost. The home improvements will form part of the equity growth since you married and would be shared.

In your favour is the fact he sold his original home and pooled his money with you. This makes it harder to ring fence.

You should not presume he wouldn’t want 50:50 childcare if you both work full time.

You need to speak with a solicitor, not just “may.” You’re currently being unrealistic about the settlement you want, divorce isn’t about totting up every receipt where you paid for more and then getting that paid back to you from the marital assets.

Don’t second guess how he might sort childcare, it’s not your concern, if you agree a 50/50 share of parenting then how he facilitates that is for him to work out. Concentrate at this point on getting legal advice about how the assets are most likely to be pooled and split.

@Myhusbandisadick

No one, not even a solicitor, could say with certainty what the split of assets would be. There's nothing that stands out which suggests a deviation from 50/50 and clean break would be appropriate but a qualified legal advisor might suggest otherwise. It also seems appropriate to share childcare 50/50 as you both work (and no child maintenance would be payable). On the other hand, if he only had EOW he would have to pay you child maintenance. I don't know if that would be enough for the childcare you need but it would take a chunk out of the cost at least.

Maybe also console yourself that you'll earn £18k more than him a year ( around £10.5k net) going forward?

I may have only spent about £20k on improvements and £15k on wedding which is comparable to his existing equity but value in the house is easily up by £100K and would not be without those improvements.

In the last five years I have done no work to my house and the value has risen by 30%. House prices have risen by a whopping 10% in the past year alone and in some parts of the country the rises have been closer to 15%. I live in the commuter belts of the South East that has seen less of this increase in the past year.

If your house was worth any more than about £330k five years ago, then any improvements made have probably done absolutely nothing to the value. The land that houses are built on is worth far, far more than the house itself.

Thank you. I'm just starting to think about all this in practical terms.

I wouldn't be happy with him having more because of his "need". We work in the same profession but he earns less as he wanted to work in a less stressful environment. He felt comfortable to do this once we were married and I could pick up the tab for things. He has the same earning capacity that I have but has relied on me more and more since we got married. I do not want to put myself but I feel there has been financial abuse. I'm not sure whether this is relevant.

The childcare is my concern as it's my son too but I am wondering how he would pay for childcare if we did 50/50 so makes me think he wouldn't go for it.

The reason i want to know is I would like to keep this house. I could afford to pay the mortgage and childcare alone but probably not also buy him out.

If your house was worth any more than about £330k five years ago, then any improvements made have probably done absolutely nothing to the value. The land that houses are built on is worth far, far more than the house itself.

No it wasn't.

I realise land values have increased but I have renovated the whole house and that has had an impact on the value.

It’s doesn’t matter why he earns less. The fact is that at the point of divorce he does. That means he may need a larger share of equity to meet his housing needs which are the same as yours. Except you have more mortgage potential than him.

I doubt you will get away without buying him out.

Even if you had not spent the money and had the savings in a bank account you have to declare it all on the Form E anyway so it makes no difference.

I'll be honest, from what you have written 50/50 seems likely, cms then payable if you have your dc more.

I think you are being a bit unreasonable and likely won’t get all the things you want. As a high earner with him bringing equity into the marriage and an additional child to support, a 50-50 financial split is an absolute best case scenario. Very unlikely you will get more. More likely he will.

You need to prepare yourself for that or you’ll end up having a very acrimonious divorce and paying a fortune in solicitors which really isn’t in anyone’s interests.

In struggling to understand why you think the £20k you invested in improvements has more weight than the £40k he created in equity before he met you (including through deposit) and means you should get to keep the house. Without his £40k and him having bought the house in the first, you wouldn’t have had the opportunity to help increase its value. There’s no valid argument by which you have contributed more here and deserve to keep the house without buying him out.

Divorce settlement doesn’t look at who was at fault and grant the “victim” more assets as justice. If you’re claiming financial abuse then you could possibly go with the argument that e.g. he took savings you’d solely deposited from a joint account or e.g. you took out a loan and the agreement was to repay it jointly but he never contributed and this should be reflected in the settlement accordingly. You can’t say that you paid more bills because you earn more and he didn’t bother buying as many groceries as you did and you want this money back. That’s not how marriage works, it’s accepted that the higher earner will contribute more to the pot.

50/50 on current joint assets, including your savings.
And, I'm afraid, if he bought £40k to the party and you brought £0k at the start of your relationship, then he may well get that back first before you split 50/50. Unless I've misunderstood.

The best you can probably hope for is a straight 50/50 on all assets - this includes whatever cash you have in the bank. A clean break divorce so he has no comeback further down the line of you earn more / him less in the future.

On a short marriage they look to returning both partners to as close to how they were before hand. So any savings you had might count, his house would count for him - but what you earnt during the marriage and paid out on things like weddings wouldn't.

Given you have a child however the emphasis will be on housing you all particularly the child using the marriage assets. And therefore the short marriage principles will not apply if this doesn't house the child.

If he has the child 50/50 he has to cover the full time for that duration. So he will need to cover childcare when he's at work for example. BUT he does not have to cover childcare of your choosing so you need to be careful about how the 50/50 split works. If you did 1 week on 1 week off for example you would need the full time childcare, but he could choose not to use it and therefore not pay for it on his week and would would not be able to force him - and would probably have to pay anyway to retain the place.

@Unknown83

I may have only spent about £20k on improvements and £15k on wedding which is comparable to his existing equity but value in the house is easily up by £100K and would not be without those improvements.

In the last five years I have done no work to my house and the value has risen by 30%. House prices have risen by a whopping 10% in the past year alone and in some parts of the country the rises have been closer to 15%. I live in the commuter belts of the South East that has seen less of this increase in the past year.

If your house was worth any more than about £330k five years ago, then any improvements made have probably done absolutely nothing to the value. The land that houses are built on is worth far, far more than the house itself.

I agree with this. The majority of home improvements don’t actually add that much value, unless you are talking about extensions (although not conservatories) or loft conversions.

What type of work did you pay for?

For example damp proofing, installing a new heating system, re wiring etc should have increased value. Cosmetic stuff like new kitchen not so much.

@LittleOwl153

The best you can probably hope for is a straight 50/50 on all assets - this includes whatever cash you have in the bank. A clean break divorce so he has no comeback further down the line of you earn more / him less in the future.

On a short marriage they look to returning both partners to as close to how they were before hand. So any savings you had might count, his house would count for him - but what you earnt during the marriage and paid out on things like weddings wouldn't.

Given you have a child however the emphasis will be on housing you all particularly the child using the marriage assets. And therefore the short marriage principles will not apply if this doesn't house the child.

If he has the child 50/50 he has to cover the full time for that duration. So he will need to cover childcare when he's at work for example. BUT he does not have to cover childcare of your choosing so you need to be careful about how the 50/50 split works. If you did 1 week on 1 week off for example you would need the full time childcare, but he could choose not to use it and therefore not pay for it on his week and would would not be able to force him - and would probably have to pay anyway to retain the place.

^^ this

I think 50/50 is about right but I may have thought twice about spending freely if I had known we'd end up here but then that's the benefit of hindsight

I don't think I ever said I don't think I'd have to buy him out @LemonTT! I think of course I will!!

I'm think maybe I haven't expressed myself well. Im trying to work out whther we can split everything 50/50 and I could keep this house

Thank you @LittleOwl153

I also think as a short marriage it is more likely his £40k is not seen as an asset of the marriage but something he had before he met you. Anything spent for the marriage or during the marriage on anything household bills, food, improvement/repairs are effectively gone. As you both worked and contributed any rise in equity through the marriage would be shared eg if house went up £120k throughput marriage then value now minus mortgage left minus his £40k equals X. You both share X equally.

If as you both work you have 50:50 then you share childcare cost equally. No maintenance is paid either way. You can ask nursery for 2 separate bills. If your family will help out with childcare on your days then your bill would be lower than his.

You will most likely get clean break settlement. You will probably end up pension sharing. Pooling pension then splitting between you two. Any savings and debt/credit card balance are shared equally. It does not matter who's name things are in. Personal items of value owned including cars and jewellery are put into melting pot and shared/bargained off. I did this I kept more of equity as I needed it to home 2 DC under 18, he got more shared pension but less equity.

Things can get traded off against each other provided it is on need basis and child's needs are put first.

If you have DC far more than stbx and he haves every other weekend then he will have to pay child support which will be based on his salary but also take into account he has another child to support.

It will be hard at first but remember when your child is 2 they will get some free hours and at 3 lots of free/subsidised nursery session. Time goes quickly .

Also worth noting that stuff like the wedding etc would be expected to be a shared cost, so you would be liable for half that anyway. So 7.5k isn't worth quibbling over

It really doesn’t matter what sex the main earner is, if you have the child more he will have to pay cms. There’s a calculator online you can use, but it will take into account the amount he pays for his other child. Unless court ordered or mutually agreed upon, that will be all he has to pay. No helping with childcare, clothes etc.
Can you afford to buy him out of his share? Will he agree to it? If he doesn’t agree you will have to take it to court, which will take a long time and eat up your savings very quickly. He will also still be entitled to live in the house during this time unless ordered to move out, but that is unlikely where there is no abuse etc.

This is the question - can I afford to buy him out. I accept he can have 50% of the equity or maybe we can do a deal where he gets the car (we only have one) and that comes off his share. What happens to unsecured debt? We each have a small loan under £10K but one was for the car.

I assume I would need to get a new mortgage and whether I buy him out depends on how much I can borrow against the house abs whether that covers the mortgage and his share.

I would still like to work things out but I have tried enough times to know it won't work. He is incapable of discuss things without losing his temper or shouting or walking out. He knows I'm serious now when I say Ihave had enough but he said tonight that his life will be over if I take everything. He said we can divorce nicely or I can fight for everything I want and I'll get everything but he'll be screwed. I don't know why he thinks this. I just want to be able to stay here with my child but I expect to pay for it.

Being in the house with him until it sells is not appealing but we don't really have any good options. He is very petty and can be nasty.