How do divorce settlements work / in this situation

[Myhusbandisadick]

I am closer and closer to wanting to split it with DH and I think now it is the practicalities that make me question it.

We are both around 40 and have one child under one.

I earn £55K. He earns £37K. He has another child he pays CMS for but she is 16 so only for another two years.

He had a house when I moved in with him and I paid for mortgage jointly. We earned the same then but I paid more for bills and food and holidays as he had CMS to pay as well. He had around £40K equity in the house. I also paid for our wedding but not sure how much it was. Estimate £15K.

We have moved house and we still split the bills but I pay for food, holidays, everything child needs and most significant house expenses like home improvements (these are up to thousands).

I have £10K I have saved. I spend my savings on joint things like furniture mostly but only I have contributed.

We have been married 5 years.

If we split is it likely everything would be split 50/50 including savings? It is frustrating that I have paid for many of the home improvements that are likely to have increased the house value by quite a lot.
I think it should be a case of splitting the house equity 50/50 but then I "get back" what I have spent out of that.

I may speak to a solicitor as I would like to know where I stand and what I would be left with.

If we had the child 50/50 does that mean neither of us pay maintenance or would I have to pay if I earn more?

I expect he would have the child EOW as he does not have any family who could help with childcare. Now I can pay for full time nursery but on my own I'm not sure. I suppose I would have a smaller house and smaller mortgage. If we did 50/50 would he have to pay for half or the nursery fees?

It can't be so unusual for the female to he the higher earner and main carer of the child but it seems like it is so often the man who is the higher earner.

With regards to CMS I thought that even if you were 50/50 one parent could be ordered to pay the other if they earn more - not sure where I heard this

All the talk of improvements etc is irrelevant as you are married. The house and savings and any pensions all go into the marital assets pot. A starting point would be 50/50. However if you were to have the primary care still and he had eow then he will pay child maintenance and you may be awarded a larger share of the equity or you may not.

Do please see a solicitor armed with details of all assets.

@Myhusbandisadick

If your house was worth any more than about £330k five years ago, then any improvements made have probably done absolutely nothing to the value. The land that houses are built on is worth far, far more than the house itself.

No it wasn't.

I realise land values have increased but I have renovated the whole house and that has had an impact on the value.

I doubt it's had much of an impact unless you have added rooms through extension or conversion of a loft or garage. However, that can always be assessed but I think you need a reality check in how much is your input vs how much is just the market.

I doubt it's had much of an impact unless you have added rooms through extension or conversion of a loft or garage. However, that can always be assessed but I think you need a reality check in how much is your input vs how much is just the market.

Thanks but I don't think I do as I understand we are likely to be looking at 50/50.

I think some of you need to realise and just a woman asking for help in a not great situation.

Maybe my initial post was tinged with some personal feelings about injustices that I see but I just want to do what's fair.

I am grateful for all the constructive advice.

Let's say house is worth £350K and mortgage is 250K then equity is £100K. That's 50K each. In order to keep the house I would need a mortgage of £300K to cover the cost of paying off the current mortgage and giving £50K to DH. I think that's right?

Savings currently in my name to be split 50/50?

Is debt shared too?

I dont think it would be relevant who paid for the wedding. It's quite a short marriage so I would say a 50/50 split is the most likely. I certainly dont think you would get more than him. He might get more as he put £40 k into the house.

Debt is shared too, although you may just agree to keep your own. Also pensions and other assets like the car and possibly any expensive jewellery or sports equipment or such are shared. You may be able to agree to offset his equity from the house (or part of it) against the car or pension, but he does not have to agree to this and may state that he requires that enquiry in order to be able to rehome himself.

@Myhusbandisadick

With regards to CMS I thought that even if you were 50/50 one parent could be ordered to pay the other if they earn more - not sure where I heard this

Yes, there are cases when this is the result. It's sadly not as black and white as many would hope.

If he doesn't have 5050 and only EOW then he's not got any legal responsibility to pay for the childcare that you require to work. That would be your sole responsibility to manage and finance.

He could probably also make a good argument for staying in the family home with his TWO children.

Possibly he'd also have a very good case for going for primary caregiver as he could reduce his days and would be supported by your maintenance to him to cover the gap. And presumably he could then afford an au pair who could live in given how cheaply they can be employed.

You could also find that he puts a good case forward for having every weekend, due to the financing of the childcare, so that he has Friday to Monday and you Monday to Friday. He dropping off at childcare of your choice.

He'd no doubt argue that though you believe he has the same earnings potential, when you met it was established that this was not his choice and you have benefited from his enquity etc. So it's a moot point. He would be, in terms of the marriage, the most disadvantaged with two children.

I would seriously start to have discussions and perhaps use the equity etc as the carrot to not have 5050 if that's your concern.
What currently happens with childcare?

@Myhusbandisadick

I doubt it's had much of an impact unless you have added rooms through extension or conversion of a loft or garage. However, that can always be assessed but I think you need a reality check in how much is your input vs how much is just the market.

Thanks but I don't think I do as I understand we are likely to be looking at 50/50.

I think some of you need to realise and just a woman asking for help in a not great situation.

Maybe my initial post was tinged with some personal feelings about injustices that I see but I just want to do what's fair.

I am grateful for all the constructive advice.

Well, yes, you are looking at 50/50. I just thought you needed a reality check on the fairness of it and the likely small impact renovation had. To be honest I use this line of argument a lot more often with property developers who exaggerate their contribution to their profits (which I think owe more to their banker than their builder) than I do with divorcing couples which is why I come across a bit blunt!

His DD is 17 and lives with her mother. He pays child support but she does not visit any more overnight so I am not sure how that would support his claim for the house but I don't think he would want to keep this house anyway as he does not think he could keep a mortgage on it.

He'd no doubt argue that though you believe he has the same earnings potential, when you met it was established that this was not his choice and you have benefited from his inequity etc.

I don't understand this.

I think we just need to find something fair and we both realise it is in our interests to agree something rather than pay legal fees.

He wants to stay together but doesn't realise how unhappy I am with how things are and he is not willing to change anything.

That is by the by but the point is I could let most things go just not the way he talks to me and makes me feel really down for nothing. I actually think he has things he needs to work through and I sometimes feel bad wanting to end the marriage but he has had these issues for as long as I have known him and will not do anything about it. He thinks everything is fine apart from me saying I am not happy!

Also if I had the child on weekdays and he had the child on weekends when do I get time with my child? That is aside from me having to pay childcare solely but I am not sure how these things are worked out.

Surely I should have him some weekends and he can have some weekdays IF he wants.

Talking to a solicitor is the next step but I have only just started thinking of it in terms of finances rather than a failed life plan.

You definitely should have some weekends. If 50/50 you both should have the same responsibility and down time with your child.

Purely out of interest why so you think he can't afford 50% of childcare on his income? As a single parent I was paying FT childcare on a 19k salary. No, it really was not easy, but I managed

@Myhusbandisadick

Also if I had the child on weekdays and he had the child on weekends when do I get time with my child? That is aside from me having to pay childcare solely but I am not sure how these things are worked out.

Surely I should have him some weekends and he can have some weekdays IF he wants.

Talking to a solicitor is the next step but I have only just started thinking of it in terms of finances rather than a failed life plan.

Yes. That’s why so many father have their children one night a week and every other weekend. Don’t agree to him having your baby every weekend.

Yes he still Pays you child support if you have the child more than 50%. There’s an online calculator, you can Google it if you know his salary.

You’ve not mentioned pensions. But if you have £100k equity in your house then you probably have more than that in your pensions .

I’m sorry but you need to forget about the money you have spent on he wedding, holidays etc . That’s all gone.

That’s why in so many unmarried couples he pays the mortgage and the bills while she pays for food, car, holidays and nursery fees. He makes sure he is paying for an appreciating assets while all her money is gone on day to day expenses.

It’s not a coincidence, it’s a well thought out plan.

Regarding your furniture and house contents - you can agree to share the furniture etc between you. Unless it’s priceless antiques there’s no point in getting lawyers involved with this.

Matrimonial property is just things like your home , cars, property , stock and shares/ savings / pensions that you have accumulated during the marriage. Add this all up and then get legal advice. This is the bit that matters .

I understand that you now feel that he has exploited you and what has happened in unfair, but that’s not going to help you get a better divorce settlement.

You need to discuss your feelings about this with a counsellor, it’s not a legal matter.

@kitkatsky Just based on what he earns now and what he has left after paying his half of the bills and CSM and a loan he pays. Full time childcare is about £1000 a month.

@I0NA I have acknowledged that the wedding etc is a sunken cost so there was no need for such a long post about it but thank you anyway

@kitkatsky I'm wondering how you managed on 19K. To be fair, it's not like I see where all his money goes!

Yes we have pensions. I assumed wed just keep those but happy to share them if that's what he wants. Not sure what is in them!

He’s likely to get help with childcare costs through universal credit on that income, possibly 85%

Universal Credit on £37k?

@Chocomelon

Universal Credit on £37k?

Yes the childcare element, that is available at higher incomes than the other elements.

@Myhusbandisadick

With regards to CMS I thought that even if you were 50/50 one parent could be ordered to pay the other if they earn more - not sure where I heard this

Probably on Mumsnet and it's wrong!

@kitkatsky

You definitely should have some weekends. If 50/50 you both should have the same responsibility and down time with your child.

Purely out of interest why so you think he can't afford 50% of childcare on his income? As a single parent I was paying FT childcare on a 19k salary. No, it really was not easy, but I managed

On an income of £19k you "managed" with a lot of help from the state. The OP and her STBX earn "too much" for that. They're both on awkward salaries where they really don't earn enough to pay childcare on their own but the state thinks that they do.

[quote Myhusbandisadick]@kitkatsky I'm wondering how you managed on 19K. To be fair, it's not like I see where all his money goes!

Yes we have pensions. I assumed wed just keep those but happy to share them if that's what he wants. Not sure what is in them![/quote]
Someone on about £19k can get somewhere in the region of about £5k a year in universal credit, more on top of that to help with childcare and of course the child benefit that you are only entitled to half of because you earn over £50k. Once they get all that their net income is about the same as your STBX's before he pays CM.

Sorry. Marriage is very much about protecting the financially weaker partner. As you are discovering, that is not always a woman.

Your best best is to set out your finances clearly and take that summary to a solicitor to see what a likely split that would be agreed by the court would be. And discover what circumstance might tend to indicate anything g other than 50:50

. He said we can divorce nicely or I can fight for everything I want and I'll get everything but he'll be screwed.

Starting with the emotional blackmail already, it doesn't sound good. The sooner you can find a solicitor you can clarify the likely position, the better

Sounds as if he is threatening to cut up rough and claim to be the victim.

Good luck

@Myhusbandisadick

With regards to CMS I thought that even if you were 50/50 one parent could be ordered to pay the other if they earn more - not sure where I heard this

I believe whoever claims the child benefit can claim CMS but in reality the value would probably be netted out anyway.

[quote Myhusbandisadick]@kitkatsky I'm wondering how you managed on 19K. To be fair, it's not like I see where all his money goes!

Yes we have pensions. I assumed wed just keep those but happy to share them if that's what he wants. Not sure what is in them![/quote]
To be honest it was very hard. We rented and I didn't heat the house, are a lot of cheap tins and had no new clothes for 3 years. My childcare bill was also 1k a month tho. I think that if you have to live on the breadline you'd be surprised how much you can cut back and need to live although it's not easy by any stretch. Maybe he'd need to tighten his belt but that's not your issue.

Def speak to a solicitor and go from there

The money you've spent adding value to the house doesn't really matter if all assets are being split evenly. It would either be split in the form of savings or profit on the house.