Not really sure whats what....

[Itsybitsydooda]

Hi, Im after a bit of advice/experience for my current situation. Im not really sure what to do going forwards. We have been married for just over 10 years.

Stbxh has been gone 4 months now, is set up with his own place just over an hour away. He has our 2 children for 48hrs EOW so I have them 85% of the time. Since he has been gone I have paid for everything for our children whilst they are with me, childcare, uk based holiday, food, clothes, shoes, school meals, after school activities etc.
In this time he has been abroad twice and barely had the children at all through the 6 weeks school holidays.
We both work, he earns around £4k a month (after tax, NI) and I earn £1.6k a month (also after tax,NI).
The children and I live in our marital home, we bought the house just over 2 years ago (recently remortgaged for 2 yrs fixed term) and the house is in his name due to credit history but I have registered my matrimonial rights with land registry. He has been paying the full mortgage £740pm up till now in leiu of any child maintenance and until recently also covered my mobile phone bill as it was linked to his account (this is now separated and I pay my own bill). He also pays off joint debt that is in his name each month (cc and loan).
We have agreed a figure of £600pm for child maintenance and I will pay half the mortgage, £300.

Im not sure what I should do regarding divorcing and our house. He doesn't want to sell the house, wants the kids and I to stay here for now. I'd move if I had too but would rather stay put for now.
Im in 2 minds as to file for divorce now and see what courts etc say regarding the house or wait the 2 years and file for divorce, sell the house and split the assets, but I want a higher % due to having our children 85% of the time (that will not go lower as he lives too far away) and him having a greater earning power. I looked after our children solo for a lot of time over the past 6/7 years as his jobs had him working away mon - fri most weeks. I also supported him starting his company and doing the admin side of things for him (I still run his payroll now).

Any experience/advice/help people can give me on how it all works etc would be greatly appreciated. Stbxh is useless with all this stuff and will basically go with what I tell him but I want to be fair and transparent.

The general advice would be to move to a clean break ASAP. Both from an emotional POV and financially. Unless there is a specific reason why not. There are lots of reasons why this is the case.

Remember that whilst % time spent with children impacts on levels of CMS it has far less bearing on asset splits. This is about fair splitting of assets to meet needs. Even though he has the children for less time he still needs to house them as a parent. The reason for you to get a bigger share of assets is that you earn less and are in a weaker position to meet your needs based on income and parental responsibilities.

In 2 years time children will be older and less dependent. The court would expect you to reflect this in your income if you currently work part time for example.

You could in any case be earning more. He on the other hand could be earning less, legitimately or not. He runs his own business. After 2 years his accountant might be able to show he is on minimum wage and that his business is worth bugger all.

House prices will probably have risen in excess of what you earn. This is the UK. Making it more difficult to buy him out or to get a mortgage in the future. Even if you earn more by then.

The biggest issue you face is that he runs his own business. This means he has the ability to manipulate his income to suit a case for him to retain his assets. It also means he can reduce child maintenance at any time in the future.

If he is being amicable now then use that for a swift divorce. And use you own knowledge of the business and his income to bolster your case. He won’t stay overly generous for ever. People, friends, family and new partners, will get in his ear at some point. His lawyers and his accountants will work in his own interests and that of his business, which you are entitled to a share of.

Do not give him two years to get his affairs in order to fight off claims from you on his business and income. Atm you have knowledge of that business but in 2 years you won’t.

As someone who has been separated nearly 3 years now I can tell you that how you feel about things now won't be the same in 2 years.
I stayed in marital home. His house. I totally regret that decision. He uses this fact a lot. "His house". I can't move on.
I've just started divorce proceedings and just want to live in "my house".