Divorce finance split - is this ok? Asked to fill in a statement to ‘support’ the consent order

[Lilly239]

I’ve read some rejections of ‘consent orders’ just wondering if anyone has experience etc on this or knowledge - opinion what is to be expected or what could be rejected - below are some figures what is stated in my ‘information in support of consent order’

Applicant (me) retains the house with child and pays for all mortgage payments , upkeep , bills and insurances etc. On a trigger event either in a position in future to take over the mortgage or sell the property the equity will then after paying out costs and mortgage etc will be divided between former husband and wife 50% each equity.
No pension sharing orders.
Clean break other than me staying in the house with child and child maintenance payment.

How was this decision come to?- between the parties

Property (net of any mortgage): £12,000

Applicant liabilities:
(me) £5,000.
Respondent liabilities £28,000 (this amount is a car finance belongs to my Ex)

Pensions:
(me) £0.
respondent £190,000.00

Income:
(me) £1,800
respondent £2,300
child of family (receives child maintenance through cms)

Any thoughts anyone? Is this ok seems reasonable to not get ‘rejected’

How long have you been together? I would expect the value of everything done together to be split 50/50 and then anything else before or after is “yours”.

So if he had £100k in his pension when he met you then only the £90k paid in when you were together should be split.

The house should be valued at the date of split and he gets 50% of that value when either you take on the whole mortgage or it’s sold. He shouldn’t get 50% of any further increase in the value after the date of split if he’s not paying any of the running costs.

A close relative went through a similar thing. He was a financial waste of space - he thought his wages were his and she paid most of the bills etc. She refused point blank to allow him a share of her pension as a result.

The money all got sorted but he’s an absolute idiot in other ways now. He’s a bully. Always was, always will be. His behaviour won’t change once the financials are sorted trust me. Just ask for reasonable things. It’s very hard for him to then argue against it.

So you have somewhere to live, but he gets 50% of that property whenever you sell, and,keeps all other assets, his pension. You're being done over

@whippetwhappet maintenance figure? x

[quote Lilly239]@whippetwhappet maintenance figure? x[/quote]
Yes for your child together - usually the absent parent makes a regular payment to theoretically cover half the costs associated with raising the child/ren

@whippetwhappet oh yes he does (eventually) I had to apply through cms as he wouldn’t talk about child support etc. So yes I do receive that now through cms x

Won't that have to be included in the consent order too? I thought there was a section that covered all your incomings and outgoings and showed the net monthly/yearly figure, so it's clear to see who's better off.

I think there's also a section about including any other additional info - like you would see a significant reduction in your income as a result of the split so a different lifestyle. My ex was going to use that, until I highlighted there was also a section to detail any other concerns including coercive or controlling behaviour. We agreed to leave both sections blank...

Zodle not always in English law. "I would expect the value of everything done together to be split 50/50 and then anything else before or after is “yours”."

I fact (1) even if money is from before the marriage it is still used if needed to ensure the less well off spouse and children are looked after (Scottish and English law differ on this) (2) until the consent order if you have a clean break divorce anything can be split even if 5 years after they divorce (3) 50/50 is only a starting point. In plenty of cases where one earns more the split is different.

Best to see a solicitor if you can.

@whippetwhappet yes that we in true form E of disclosure but apparently with consent order it’s just a snapshot of the finances they don’t want to see the form E they just want the basic figures of net property / the income / the pensions / the capital x

@whippetwhappet sorry I meant To say we did that in disclosure form E but not need for this apparently for a consent order they just want the snapshot of finances (pensions / Net of mortgage / capital/ income x

@Shehasadiamondinthesky
“No this is a terrible settlement. Sometimes the judge accepts terrible settlements i:e my first marriage depends on the judge and then you will be stuck in this awful situation. Why should he get half of everything you've paid for after 20 years?
Split it now and start again and don't sell yourself short.
Men rely on bullying to get what they want we shouldn't give in”

Do they really? Do judges just accept it sometimes even if it’s unfair consent order? X

Right now with the number going through I imagine it could be missed

Please look at that link and see what you can do and not send it uet

I’m just looking now @Quartz2208 thank you . (I won’t send anything yet) I’m checking the link out x

[quote Lilly239]@Shehasadiamondinthesky
“No this is a terrible settlement. Sometimes the judge accepts terrible settlements i:e my first marriage depends on the judge and then you will be stuck in this awful situation. Why should he get half of everything you've paid for after 20 years?
Split it now and start again and don't sell yourself short.
Men rely on bullying to get what they want we shouldn't give in”

Do they really? Do judges just accept it sometimes even if it’s unfair consent order? X[/quote]
Yes they do. My ex was so desperate to go to his mistress and end out divorce quickly he only asked for 1/10th of what he was entitled to and it went through with no objection. He regrets it now very much but as the consent order has been signed tough luck especially as they have broken up.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky really! I’m glad for you though that you got the better split in that situation x

I don’t know what to do because I don’t have the money to keep fighting it and I’ve tried to reach out for help but to look at things properly like paperwork etc and the figures I’ve provided tor on here there is clearly a disparity but is it worth thousands to go fight it out? I was hoping (maybe) if I submitted it to the court with a cover letter asking is this split division fair? - that it may make them look at it more to see if it is etc but yes after hearing what happened with your order it seems sometimes they just seal it regardless? X

Yes they do. I'd send a letter saying you are not happy with this settlement but have no money to fight this can they help they may reject the order and ask for a resubmission.

What you can do is just refuse to sign any consent order and go back to it later when you feel stonger. I always think a clean break is the best then you are rid of them.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky I know I would of loved to be in a position to buy him out bow but I’m not :( all I wanted was to retain the house untill I’m in a stronger position financially just for the stability of child in the family home but he has really used that against me knowing I just desire that - that he’s made me say I’ll pay all mortgage (even though he earns more than me) and I’m primary parent of child he doesn’t see child and he will get 50 percent of the equity in future and leave his massive pensions alone. If I had money behind me I’d take over the house now and go for a more fairer split. But he has me in a corner and I don’t know what to do for best , have you seen the figures? Basically on the figures I put on this post that would go along with the consent order is total I would end up with about £1000+ and ex total will be £190,000.00+ in total because of capital and his pensions , he would not offset the pensions to the house he wouldn’t do anything other than what was relayed in consent order for me to ‘keep’ the house but I’m really paying for it as in it’s not a fair deal I can see that but then he says well go into social housing he’s got me everyway when all I want is to make sure child ok financially and emotionally x

@Lilly239
Surely you can see that you are out of your depth with all this. You absolutely need to see a competent solicitor. I, and perhaps other Mumsnetters, can give you some contacts. Please, PLEASE, do not try to do this without legal advice - you will regret it.

[quote FlowerArranger]@Lilly239
Surely you can see that you are out of your depth with all this. You absolutely need to see a competent solicitor. I, and perhaps other Mumsnetters, can give you some contacts. Please, PLEASE, do not try to do this without legal advice - you will regret it.[/quote]
I totally agree. A competent solicitor will be able to tell you what you should be getting in just one session if you go armed with the financial facts. Mine did and that's when I decided to do it on my own because I knew I could get myself a better deal.
However in your case once you've signed that consent order you can NEVER get any more money out of him.
You NEED to see a solicitor, I very much doubt it will cost thousands he will not want to take it to court because he will lose all his money.
You need to say no this is not acceptable. He is relying on bullying you to get off a big pay day.

[quote FlowerArranger]@Lilly239
Surely you can see that you are out of your depth with all this. You absolutely need to see a competent solicitor. I, and perhaps other Mumsnetters, can give you some contacts. Please, PLEASE, do not try to do this without legal advice - you will regret it.[/quote]
Getting proper legal advice here will be an investment. Whatever it costs will be much less than what this man is trying to screw you out if here.

You might be able to get some pro bono legal help.
In my view it would have been lovely had you had a family member to guarantee the mortgage and thus get a complete clean break with husband not tied to you and the house (and husband therefore not allowed to get another mortgage and you tied to him).
If you could get a full time job and then take over the mortgage in say a year it might be better to wait and sign nothing in case your finances improve (or you remarry a rich man) and then you could buy him out of the house then.

The 190k pension value is much higher than the £12k equity in the house so he keeping that and you only having half £12k is not that fair.

If you do not agree the order then don't sign it rather than signing it (which legally means you are agreeing) and sending a letter to the court. In our case the settlement was not particularly fair - ex got more than half, I had to pay for 5 children (rare for resident mothers) but I earn more and I was very keen to get it all over with and I could remortgage to keep the house and pay him off. I do not regret that ever as it got it over with quickly. (We each kept our own pensions as both had always worked full time even when we had tiny babies and our pensions were worth about the same). So our cases was easier.

If you are worn out and not sure what to do you could just not sign anything. Do consider if the husband unlawfully then might just not pay child support. Loads of MN threads sadly are about that kind of thing. Practicalities not law often prevail in real life.

I have read replies thank you. You’re all right I know :( I’m just so lost at the moment because I feel pressured to retain my home for child as I feel that is the right thing because In a couple years I’ll be in a better financial position etc. But when him and his lawyer keep saying they are more than likely the house will be sold because of the low assets / net equity in house I’m getting scared because he saying that and then saying go into social housing etc or yes not paying child support he said if I ‘won’ the house at court he would go bankrupt I’m screwed either way. (I thought to myself no one wins in these situations I just wanted a fair outcome but he isn’t being fair at all he his also being underhanded saying he would lie for example in court how long we lived together before hand before we got married as apparently he wasn’t in the council tax or something and I was shocked he would go that low but I know he would because he had already lied on the Form E and sold an asset without my knowledge I’m just scared really what’s happening around me. I am checking the link out for lower price family law advice etc and I did contact a few lawyers and although sympathetic said they wouldn’t look at paperwork without being instructed etc. My FDR court hearing is a few weeks off now I telephoned the court and said if a consent order was out through would it go same judge who oversaw the FDA and she said they try to yes get it to same one but a judge will need to look at first I said if include a letter will that be read as to whether this consent order is fair? She said yes it will go to the judge ...so I’m just keeping my options open really on what is realistically going to work. I’m scared the way he is acting it’s really unstable and when people are like that and are telling you they are willing to lie etc and he has a lawyer I’m really worried about it.
I really appreciate everyone giving me their opinions and advice it’s really helping me ...it will be interesting how this pans out but I will be updating how it goes for sure x

But when him and his lawyer HE keep(S) saying they are more than likely the house will be sold because of the low assets / net equity in house I’m getting scared because he saying that and then saying go into social housing etc or yes not paying child support he said if I ‘won’ the house at court he would go bankrupt I’m screwed either way.

His lawyer is saying nothing of the sort. Given the equity there is no point selling. Neither will he go bankrupt if you take some of his pension.

This is all lies designed to scare you into submission

So by this 'deal' you get about 1k, he gets around 170k, and you have to pay him another 125-150k (approx) in a few years when your child moves out? Please don't accept this! Don't risk accepting it and hoping that the judge forces you to change it, that's too big of a gamble. Get legal advice, you really can't afford not to. Perhaps they can take their costs from the settlement?

@villamariavintrapp I would have to pay him 50 percent of the equity in the house so what ever it’s worth for example in 3 years . At this present time there is just under 12k in equity. But on the d81 form it’s stated after liabilities and pensions I get as it is present 1k and he gets 190k (with his pensions added) but he would get 50 percent of the net equity for example if house went up in value and valued more we would have to split it if it was now it would be just under £12 k so like £5,000+ each but he retains his pensions of just under 200k x