Divorce finance split - is this ok? Asked to fill in a statement to ‘support’ the consent order

[Lilly239]

I’ve read some rejections of ‘consent orders’ just wondering if anyone has experience etc on this or knowledge - opinion what is to be expected or what could be rejected - below are some figures what is stated in my ‘information in support of consent order’

Applicant (me) retains the house with child and pays for all mortgage payments , upkeep , bills and insurances etc. On a trigger event either in a position in future to take over the mortgage or sell the property the equity will then after paying out costs and mortgage etc will be divided between former husband and wife 50% each equity.
No pension sharing orders.
Clean break other than me staying in the house with child and child maintenance payment.

How was this decision come to?- between the parties

Property (net of any mortgage): £12,000

Applicant liabilities:
(me) £5,000.
Respondent liabilities £28,000 (this amount is a car finance belongs to my Ex)

Pensions:
(me) £0.
respondent £190,000.00

Income:
(me) £1,800
respondent £2,300
child of family (receives child maintenance through cms)

Any thoughts anyone? Is this ok seems reasonable to not get ‘rejected’

IS yur ex telling you what his lawyer is saying or is his lawyer? BEcause the former seems more accurate.

So a judge has asked to see all of this= have you given it to him or just decided to split it this way? And is this going to the same judge.

I have certainly seen judges refuse to sign off on things like this

The court can reject it any if they think it's unfair. It doesn't matter if you've agreed it - it still has to be fair according to the needs of each party and the available resources. The courts know that people can be coerced into 'agreeing' all sorts.

There is a vary small pool of marital assets. That is ones accrued during the actual marriage. But the period of the relationship before marriage also counts. And, since there are children involved, the assets accrued before that will also count. So his £200k of pensions is part of the resources available to meet the needs.

If you are the RP, then your needs are greater than his to start out with. The children need to be housed as well as the resources available allow. It's not necessarily about maintaining a previous lifestyle (all parties are generally worse off after divorce because the assets have been divided).

Do not listen to what he says his solicitor told him. He's not a reliable or neutral reporter. Get your own advice if you can and proceed from there.

And don't let him list his car finance as debt and ignore the fucking car as an asset. I know from my H's consent order that they count the value of the car as an asset regardless of a HP type agreement.

You have to see him as taking the piss and twisting things to suit him. He's not your friend in any of this. So don't just agree because it seems easier or he says his solicitor says X or he claims he'll lie about things (that one is contempt of court, so good luck to him there).

@FishyFriday his car is on finance loan and how my legal rep put it in the paperwork for my Ex section was

Property net Equity: £12,000
Liabilities: £28,000 (Car)
Pensions: £190,000
Total in assets: £174,000

So see above that he was in like negative equity because the equity in the house wouldn’t be enough to pay off his car finance (he has this stupid brand new car that’s way to expensive to keep but he is doing it costs more than a mortgage payment each month!) but his pensions are an asset so they took away the 28k from the 190k which left £174k of assets.

So on the total section on the form it looks like this below:

Applicant total £7,000

Respondent total £174,000.00

Oh yeah I’m well aware I’ve been told it’s not been fair during all this. I never wanted to grab money or anything I’ve tried so very hard tried to sort all this out - all I wanted was to be treated decently and have what was fair so I could to provide for child etc. X

@Quartz2208
“IS yur ex telling you what his lawyer is saying or is his lawyer? BEcause the former seems more accurate.
So a judge has asked to see all of this= have you given it to him or just decided to split it this way? And is this going to the same judge.
I have certainly seen judges refuse to sign off on things like this”

• Hi Quartz2208 , My ex told me that is what his lawyer said, that it’s more likely based on the figures that the house would sell regardless of the ‘child’ or even my position or being able to get anywhere else etc or able to raise a mortgage on my own right now to take over the current mortgage on my own , that’s what my ex said his lawyer said to him and because there isn’t enough equity in house it would ‘likely’ have to sell. Which I found confusing because I said I could pay the mortgage I have always paid the mortgage payments in full.

The FDA judge won’t over see this consent order because our divorce is at another court. Our local court was dealing with the FDA and finance remedy etc but because our divorce was originally being dealt with another court it’s going to there apparently as I noticed the email address was the court that had originally issued the divorce petition and the decree nisi - so it will be a different judge , however the other FDA judge said he would still retain the next court date for FDR at the local court just incase a consent order isn’t drafted by the next court date which was set to late August 2021. Sorry it’s confusing with different courts but my legal rep did all the paperwork I don’t know why my divorce is at one court and then the financial remedy at my local court but this consent order now will be sent to the original court that issued the dip or even petition - I wonder really what they are going to make of it - I’m going to include the covering note that I stated above this - what do you think? x

Sorry I meant to say on my position not being able to right now to take over the mortgage on my own and I really didn’t want to go rent anywhere with no money behind me from sale of house there would be hardly anything , my ex knew how much it meant to me to be able to finish of my short course at university to enable me to get my better job / promotion so in 3 years I can take over the mortgage by then but I needed the time to do this and it was used against me my ex told me to go into social housing with child I was like I’m not doing that as I can understand both parties take a hit in divorce but going into social housing from our standard of living would be going from an A to a Z it seemed unfair that only me and child would suffer so I got scared - so this is why I accepted the conditions and got emotional when my ex said this etc and it put strain on me - his lawyer let him put in his court forms so obviously his lawyer thought that was ok? His lawyer documented on forms ‘clean break appropriate’ ‘immediate sale of the family house’ I was shocked x

I really understand how you feel, just coming to the end of a very difficult 3 years trying to divorce a very difficult man myself. But you can’t accept this, and I’d be very surprised if the courts do.

I’d also think very carefully about staying in a house he has a part ownership of. The way he’s behaved so far, I’m sure he is not going to make that easy for you and will forever feel some ownership over you and control over your situation. Again, from experience! If at all possible try and buy him out (give him £6k or balance the pension figure £6k in his favour). Or seriously consider selling and moving, even though it feels like a mountain to climb now it will mean he has no hold over you or your home.

And the car should also be an asset. Unless it is 100% finance (which car companies don’t do) he will have had to put some deposit down.

And massive hand hold, I know how truly awful this all is to work through

You keep referring to legal representation. Do you actually have a proper, qualified, experienced family solicitor who is batting for you?

Because the deal you current have suggests you do not. You really need to consult with someone who will fight for what you need and deserve, and this isn't it. In fact you'd be screwed if you were to accept this.

Your EX is absolutely lying to you then because I suspected no decent lawyer would tell him that and as you havent seen anything from a lawyer.

What is your legal representation because I think you do need to stop this and get a proper lawyer and a proper agreement in place.

I agree with pp
You need to stop
Wait
Think
Seek legal advise
Let it go to court
You are not getting a fair deal here

@FlowerArranger no I can’t afford a solicitor I really wish I could I’m looking at a few thousand more if this pursues to court and knowing my ex how he’s being if it gets to final hearing I’ve been told it can get 10k or more the legal bills if represented. I have legal rep now who is paid a fixed fee (low fee) to do all the paperwork etc for but they don’t advise on what I should get etc but have mentioned on telephone today that as a client ‘you’re not getting the best deal in this consent order the court will have to see if they feel it’s fair they may not or may do’
X

190k in a pension is about £5k or less in terms of pension income so it is not the same as say £190k equity in a house.

Also this deal means the husband cannot buy another property which is a dreadful position for him which I am not sure I would accept as the husband! As he is on this mortgage he probably wlil not be able to get another potentially for years. It is not necessarily that bad for the wife.

@ChloeR81 so sorry you’ve had to go through this too ❤️ It’s emotionally draining isn’t it aswell as physically ...I have the car paperwork from court it reads as follows for this car:

Present balance outstanding £28,000
Total amount (pay off early settlement) £27,134

He pays a direct debit of a few hundred pounds per month for this brand new car x

@millymollymoomoo I know :( ...I feel so overwhelmed it’s awful this no wonder people stay in marriages this is terrible process xx

@Xenia yes I think that’s not cash as in 190k in full cash however the document was requested for the CETV for divorce and it states out for divorce proceedings as ‘requested’ by the respondent this on figure it states “the valuation quoted is the cash equivalent dated as shown for the purpose of your divorce proceedings only, it cannot be taken as value for your benefits for any other purpose eg. Life time allowance purposes”

The above I don’t really understand what that means to be honest x

It is really hard, and I feel for you going through this. But you really can't afford to accept this deal. In the long term it will cost you much more than the few thousand on a good barrister now.

Please Google "Direct Access" and speak to a local family law barrister.

You're here on Mumsnet to get advice, and all the women here have been through similar tough divorces. We're here to support you to get a good settlement.

@HosannainExcelSheets thank you so much ...I know it’s awful isn’t it :( I’m so glad there is somewhere to come speak... I don’t speak to anyone regarding anything in my life (except on here) I put my face on and everyone is like you’re so strong etc but I’m not really when I’m alone I’m bed etc. and I don’t let anyone know as I don’t want my child to know anything or be affected, but inside I’m destroyed over all this it’s so draining utterly ugly. I’m dealing with a man who has no concern to tell me and child to go into social hosing and won’t off no support he hasn’t seen child in months. It’s very hard , is it so wrong just want to be ok with child and receive a fair outcome xx

Please ignore Xenia.
She is very bitter about having been the higher earner and paying off her ex husband. Whilst he does sound like a twat, she lets that bitterness cloud her judgement on other people’s settlements.

He is absolutely screwing you, and he Almost certainly knows this. Let me guess you’re splitting up because of his behaviour not yours? Because he dismisses your contribution or doesn’t think he needs to contribute much to your marriage/childcare/housework?

He cannot count the cost of a car loan as a debt without also counting the value of the car as an asset that he gets.

He cannot take half the future equity in the house without giving you any of the pension.

A fairer split would be to enable you to stay in the house with it part owned for a period of a few years until you are able to take over the mortgage, and if you don’t have the means within eg 5 years, then the house will have to be sold. And for you to get half his pension

Two cases I can tell you about. In mine I really did get the lions share ( about 80% of everything) but I had 3 children, with the youngest a baby. I was told because of this disparity and the fact that my ex had no legal representation that it could end up in court. We didn't exchange form E we just did the initial form A.

My friend maybe ended up with juat over 60% and it was a lot more acrimonious. That got called into court and her ex just had to clarify he knew he might get more and that he was still fine with it and that was that.

Have a good think about what you really want .

My solicitor said it was a bit pot luck. The fact the house had already been transferred to me before it got to the consent order maybe helped in my favour as during that process my ex was advised to get legal advice and again he decided not to.

If the £190k is the cash equivalent then that is very different. I thought the amount was the amount in the pension pot. That is why you need to take advice from your solicitor.

I think what it means is if he cashed in his pension aged 55 (at present the earliest age you can) that is the cash that comes out although 75% of it is subject to income tax so not actually the tax he would get at age 55. So £190k even only available many years hence is still a lot more than £12,000 equity in the house.

Do you have a parent who could guarantee your mortgage and then you could take the husband off the mortgage entirely, leaving husband free to buy another house (where the child could stay on contact visits and a new family of his could live) and it would be a much cleaner clear break? Then other than the child and child maintenance you would not both be linked via the house ownership for years and years and would be more psychologically free of him? However no family member might want to do that for you.

Unfortunately no if I did I would be more than happy to receive some help from a family member but they can financially assist me otherwise they would of been happy to :( I wish there was an option just to buy him out it’s just the situation I’m in right now but In a few years I could ‘buy him out’
Regarding the big pension it says it’s the cash equivalent but does that mean it actual is I guess that why people get specialist to look over pensions etc in court x

@RedHelenB thank you for sharing that.

do you think from the figures provided on page one for my ‘consent order’ does it seem there is a disparity in my case? The house isn’t transferred to me though it just seems I’m getting the worse deal even though I’m the person with the child etc the whole thing made me wary regarding it could go one way or another depending on the judge and that made me wary to just agree x

In terms of one way or another yes there are different ways this could go but none of them are what you have now or worst for you than what you have now

Does your ex have a solicitor?

@Quartz2208 he did have solicitor yes and then when we made this consent order he released her services however if this continued to FDR or any court proceedings for example I backed down from the consent order he most certainly would retain the solicitor again but I didn’t like her aggressiveness and forth coming ironically on their website children first and my child was not mentioned at all but once by his solicitor haha, but the way they were letting him put things that could be bad later on down the line for example a second or third hearing . He had sold an asset in between exchange of questionnaires and one question said to me I was aware of it and I was like no haha that’s why I was asking in my questionnaire why wasn’t the large asset in his possession not documented etc. I got tired of the game and ugliness I wasn’t prepared to want to go down that route. I never once lied on my court forms , but he did and his solicitor let him x

What does this mean on this statement form? So do I put the net of any mortgage (which is £12,000) and if there are no savings so that can be blank but then it says for question c.Gross capital (a plus b) - does that still mean it’s still £12,000 for question c or does that have to half if it’s 50/50 share - I’m not sure I’m just trying to fill in form best way and as accurately as I can so judge may see it and say ‘this isn’t fair’ x