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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Can this be true?

75 replies

Agirlcalled · 23/03/2021 21:57

I have had a call with my solicitor today. I just wanted to see if anyone else has some experience that might help
Me understand of what he said is true.
Fled domestic abuse with two children two years ago. Back in family home now. Father hasn't paid a penny to support children in that time. I pay for everything and will do after divorce. Assets 500k. Have been told that I have to pay 200k to him but can't ask for court to take into account school fees and it's a lifestyle choice (his before we left) I have been paying them up till now and dd is three years into school. So basically £50k will cover no maintenance from him for children from ages of 10 and 12 until they are 18. School fees are my problem so I have to find those too and support dd through uni that she wants to attend and ds has a disability that means he will need more support than a "normal" child. I work but am a fixed term contract that ends in August. Is it right a dad doesn't have to provide for his kids but get £200k from us?

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Original poster
Agirlcalled · 23/03/2021 21:59

The dc live solely with me.

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Wallywobbles · 23/03/2021 22:00

See a different lawyer. You have nothing to loose by doing so at this point.

Original poster
Agirlcalled · 23/03/2021 22:57

@Wallywobbles

See a different lawyer. You have nothing to loose by doing so at this point.
Thanks, yes I am going to try and find one but I know if you already have a solicitor they won't advise you so have to leave and then try and find another. Can't believe you can get away with not providing for your kids.
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Purplewithred · 23/03/2021 23:08

I hate to be be bearer of bad news, and I understand how angry you must be, but you need to take a realistic look at this.

I’ve been in the same place with divorce and school fees and yes, there is no onus on either parent to pay for them. If he doesn’t want to fund school fees over and above whatever maintenance he is going to be paying then that is his right.

He also has a right to a share of the marital assets - starting at an assumption of a 50:50 split. Sounds like his solicitor is pitching for 40:60 and a no-maintenance clean break. Whether this is reasonable or fair will depend on his income among other things.

Is your solicitor suggesting you should accept this proposal, and that a court will rubber stamp it? What do you think would be fair instead?

Original poster
Agirlcalled · 23/03/2021 23:10

@Purplewithred

I hate to be be bearer of bad news, and I understand how angry you must be, but you need to take a realistic look at this.

I’ve been in the same place with divorce and school fees and yes, there is no onus on either parent to pay for them. If he doesn’t want to fund school fees over and above whatever maintenance he is going to be paying then that is his right.

He also has a right to a share of the marital assets - starting at an assumption of a 50:50 split. Sounds like his solicitor is pitching for 40:60 and a no-maintenance clean break. Whether this is reasonable or fair will depend on his income among other things.

Is your solicitor suggesting you should accept this proposal, and that a court will rubber stamp it? What do you think would be fair instead?

He won't be paying any maintenance in the future or hasn't in the past. That's what I am finding difficult. 60:40 split but I bear all the costs for everything.
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Original poster
Agirlcalled · 23/03/2021 23:12

And it's my solicitor pitching this. He wants 1/2 house and 250k which would be about 20:80 in his favour and no maintenance payable.

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Original poster
Agirlcalled · 23/03/2021 23:12

I earn 30k

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MoonGeek · 23/03/2021 23:12

See another solicitor

LemonTT · 23/03/2021 23:27

Broadly you are confusing two separate processes.

Child maintenance
He is responsible for paying child maintenance. This can be claimed via the CMS at any time. The basis of the payment will be related to his income and time with the children. It is not related to how your assets are split. If you are not claiming then you should.

Assets.
The marital assets belong to both of you and need to be split according to need. How the assets are split will not impact on the requirement by either parent to pay child maintenance. But one parent might get a bigger split because their financial needs are greater.
Whatever the split he will be expected to pay child maintenance which cannot be waived in lieu of a bigger share. It will always be an obligation unless you never claim.

HoldontoOneMoreDay · 23/03/2021 23:30

He doesn't get to duck out of maintenance; the split of your assets is completely separate to that. I don't know if your solicitor is communicating badly or has just got this wrong or what, but I would definitely ask for clarification from them. And I'd probably seek a second opinion too.

CMS is based on his earnings/% of time the DCs are with him though - it's not based on the stuff you have to fund (ie school fees).

Rtmhwales · 23/03/2021 23:38

I think you may be confusing spousal maintenance with child maintenance. Why haven't you put in a claim for CM before or even now?

Original poster
Agirlcalled · 23/03/2021 23:39

@Rtmhwales

I think you may be confusing spousal maintenance with child maintenance. Why haven't you put in a claim for CM before or even now?
He says I should pay him money! He was very abusive and we were in a woman's refuge.
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Original poster
Agirlcalled · 23/03/2021 23:40

@HoldontoOneMoreDay

He doesn't get to duck out of maintenance; the split of your assets is completely separate to that. I don't know if your solicitor is communicating badly or has just got this wrong or what, but I would definitely ask for clarification from them. And I'd probably seek a second opinion too.

CMS is based on his earnings/% of time the DCs are with him though - it's not based on the stuff you have to fund (ie school fees).

He doesn't see the children. They refuse due to abuse. I have them all the time.
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RandomMess · 23/03/2021 23:42

Have you put in a claim for child maintenance via CMS? It's completely separate to divorcing.

If he is self employed or not working then he will have to pay you very little.

Original poster
Agirlcalled · 23/03/2021 23:48

@LemonTT

Broadly you are confusing two separate processes.

Child maintenance
He is responsible for paying child maintenance. This can be claimed via the CMS at any time. The basis of the payment will be related to his income and time with the children. It is not related to how your assets are split. If you are not claiming then you should.

Assets.
The marital assets belong to both of you and need to be split according to need. How the assets are split will not impact on the requirement by either parent to pay child maintenance. But one parent might get a bigger split because their financial needs are greater.
Whatever the split he will be expected to pay child maintenance which cannot be waived in lieu of a bigger share. It will always be an obligation unless you never claim.

So the court should take into account that I have to house children and he doesn't?
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MrsBertBibby · 24/03/2021 06:44

Just see a second solicitor. If you are SE or London I could suggest a few good ones.

MoonGeek · 24/03/2021 07:02

Yes, the court need to ensure the children are housed.

MoonGeek · 24/03/2021 07:03

And go to the CMS

Doyoumind · 24/03/2021 07:13

It sounds like you've had very poor advice or misunderstood. He is liable for child maintenance. That will be his contribution towards living costs for the DC. If he doesn't want to pay school fees no one can force him to.

The house is a separate issue. If your solicitor isn't good, find another. When I was going through the court re contact I saw two who weren't helpful at all before finding a third who actually knew what they were talking about and were willing to put in the effort.

sadonfriday · 24/03/2021 07:18

Sounds like very poor advice. If you have the children 100% of the time the split should be in your favour. Please start a separate maintenance claim through CMS today. The court will also consider income and pensions. You need a much better solicitor!

Inthefuture · 24/03/2021 07:23

How much does he earn? His income determines child maintenance.

Theunamedcat · 24/03/2021 07:27

Private school is great if you can afford it but you clearly can't and he won't you need a bigger percentage because your disabled child will affect future jobs and housing

Do you claim dla?

MyOtherProfile · 24/03/2021 07:28

So he won't pay anything towards his children and expects more than half of the marital assets? He's having a laugh!

NerrSnerr · 24/03/2021 07:31

How much does he earn and have you put in a claim through CMS?

Original poster
Agirlcalled · 24/03/2021 08:15

@Theunamedcat

Private school is great if you can afford it but you clearly can't and he won't you need a bigger percentage because your disabled child will affect future jobs and housing

Do you claim dla?

Yes I claim DLA middle rate for care awarded
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