Preparation for separation

[aridgely]

Hi Mumsnet

I am looking for some advice for the situation I am in.
My situation
Married for 10+ yrs
2 children under 10

For the last 7 years the relationship has not been good and the last 3 have been strenuous at best.

Around 7 years ago I had a crisis of faith and this led my wife to think that I had an affair (not a chance of this ever happening). I changed my job to try and save the marriage but nothing really changed.

Now she is getting more and more angry and the relationship is the definition of a loveless marriage.

I thouhgt I could stay together for the the children but this is getting harder and harder.

I have already spoken to a solicitor but wanted some advice to know what things to do to best prepare for separation/divorce from those that have been through it already.

Thank you in advance.

AR

Hi! Putting your children first does not mean you have to stay together. From my experience, what would have been better for our children would have been things that were sadly impossible in our situation due to abuse - ie maintaining civility and respect for the childrens' other parent, not arguing about money in front of them, or using money and treats as emotional weapons. You get the picture. These things are so damaging to children, far more than the actual separation.
If you can separate your finances without involving a solicitor so much the better, as you will be spending tens of thousands on it. Their job is not to save you money, but to respond to every query, phone call and associated minutiae at your cost.
If you can be amicable, divorce mediators are worth a try.

thanks