I want to break up but feel stuck. Help/advice please!

[k2331]

Hi,
I never thought I would be someone who asked for advice like this online but I have no one else to talk to and would really like some advice or help please.

I am not happy in my relationship, in fact I feel quite miserable. Been with my partner for 6 years, living together for 5 and we have a 14 month old. There are no serious issues - I mean no abuse/controlling/cheating or anything. I am just not happy.

I own the flat and pretty much pay for everything and I always have done. Looking back I regret this because I made it easy for him. He was working (self employed) before covid making ok money but apart from halving some bills, I never saw any of it. He saw it as his money. I pay for most things including all things baby related. Since covid he has lost his job so depended completely on me since March. Recently got a new part time job but one that doesn't pay as much. My worry here is that he will not be able to afford his own place or afford rent. He saved no money from his previous job, I mean nothing at all despite the fact he has a child. This has really bothered me and I find it irresponsible as my son is my number 1 priority. He seems to think it's fine for me to fund everything.

When it comes to parenting, I see him not as an equal but as an occasional babysitter. He doesn't get up with the baby, doesn't think about what to feed the baby etc. If he worked then fair enough but he was unemployed from March to September.

I just feel so unhappy and can't accept that this is my life forever now. Before we had a baby, promises were made about things he would do but not one of them has happened.

The thing stopping me is that I don't know where he will go as without me he would have no money. I also feel really guilty about upsetting him. I can't believe he is happy in this relationship though and I wonder if he's staying because he doesn't have anywhere to go. We basically just coexist in the same flat. We don't do anything together really, he sits in one room and I'm in the living room. I'm finding myself starting to resent him and getting really annoyed by him and I don't want to feel like this.

I don't know how to bring it up or tell him. How do you even start the conversation?! He can be petty and I really hate the thought of confrontation. We don't really argue or fight, it just doesn't feel like a relationship to me. I worry that I'll still be in this situation in years to come.

Sorry if this has been a bit jumbled, I hadn't really planned what to say before typing.

Has anyone been in a similar situation and has any advice for me?

Thank you

[Enough4me]

Welldone for taking charge of your life. I wish I had done that rather than having things deteriorate until my my ex had an affair. It is really hard to end things even when they don't have a good future so you have real strength. Being alone can be lonely, but being with the wrong person can be years of a different type of lonely.

Do you have family and friends' support?

Try doing something independently to have a break from stress. I remember I bought an aircooker and panini maker, changed my bedding and kitchen storage. Then repainted my kitchen. It may sound daft, but I just found a sense of achievement in making choices independently, my ex was controlling so I think it helped to be back in charge. Basically do something for you however small to say welldone me! X

[k2331]

@Enough4me thank you. Mixed feelings tonight, keep thinking things like 'oh maybe it wasn't so bad' but I'm hoping these thoughts, the guilt and the sudden loneliness I'm feeling pass. I don't really have many friends but I'm lucky and do have family close by who are very supportive.

That's a good idea. I actually rearranged bits of my living room tonight so it feels a bit different so might do some more things like that over the next few weeks.

Honestly I'm so glad I posted this here. Don't know what I was expecting from it but I can't believe how supportive and reassuring you and other posters have been xx

[Enough4me]

Glad to have helped with best wishes, but it's your hard work. No doubt you can help others in the future on here too.

It's the start of something new and there will be ups and downs, but at least you can think about your plans to move etc. plan in stages and involve your family xx

[anameIcallmyself]

"The thing stopping me is that I don't know where he will go as without me he would have no money."
Not your problem. He hasn't cared about you. Time to think about you and the little one. By the way the issues you speak of are serious.

[Weenurse]

Stay strong and focused.
Start looking for your forever home.

[Livinginmoment]

This is so so true: PS there is no shame in having a few wobbles and don’t feel like you’ve let anyone down if you don’t quite make it this time. I really get it flowers

A work in progress in the right direction.