Page 3 | Ex wanting more child maintenance?

Terrace58 · 01/09/2020 20:31

He needs to pay the full csa plus at least some of those “extras”. Being a parent is expensive. That’s just life. He has been getting away with shirking his responsibility for a long time so he should have some money set aside.

Tyersal · 01/09/2020 20:44

@Terrace58 no he hasn't he has been paying the mortgage for the house in which the children and ex are living. I expect that is more than £250/ month

LunchBoxPolice · 01/09/2020 20:56

what I am saying he is already providing more than what he should be. This bare minimum nonsense has to stop
How on earth can you provide too much for a child??!

Tyersal · 01/09/2020 21:16

@LunchBoxPolice by doing it and getting yourself into financial difficulties

WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo · 01/09/2020 21:43

I assume you are paying for holidays you go on, not holidays the mother takes the kids on without you? Are the clothes what they wear with you too? The CMS calculation is the minimum, 3k a year you've been pocketing at those children's expense. Im surprised their mother waited this long.

ILoveFlumps · 01/09/2020 21:59

WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo I think the mother has had a great deal so far. The Father has been paying the full mortgage on the family home she lives in with his children, as well as £500 a month, and on top of that he covers various extras. And let’s not forget he also pays his own mortgage for his house, along with all of the debt accrued from the marriage. I think she got a bloody awesome deal to be honest. Whilst I know several ex wives who get to stay in the family home whilst the children are growing up, I don’t know any who aren’t at least contributing to the mortgage.
OP. Was it part of the divorce settlement that your partner pay both mortgages as well as Child Maintenance?
Either way, it seems as though she’s being a bit greedy for money.

OllyBJolly · 01/09/2020 22:05

I do hate how these threads turn into a race to the bottom, with the DC's mother being cast as a money grabbing witch spending the DC's money on herself.

The reality is if the parents were still together, they would work out a way (together) to fund school trips, activities and uniforms. CM is the minimum to cover living costs and is based on income as a way to preserve - as far as is possible - the DC's lifestyle.

And yet again, it's the new partner complaining about her DP funding his DCs. Why? It's an admirable quality in a partner to recognise and fulfil his responsibilities.

TheBusDriver · 01/09/2020 23:34

Its not a race to the bottom though is it. Circumstances have changed and unfortunately the safety net of living together is no longer there so why should it be deemed as such the lifestyle remains the same for the child?

As long as needs are being covered which CM is and mortgage being paid for why does she want more money its greed pure and simple.

zeebop · 02/09/2020 08:10

My DP only just divorced this year he has to pay alot of money to DEXW they have 2 children he is a very very high earner she gets £1600 a week for both the 2 children they are in there teens both in 6 form now one of DC goes to boarding school too . DEXW got a very very good financial settlement still likes to claim she has not enough money for both DC she actually sees this maintenance for the DC her money as a way to fund her home and lifestyle she didnt get her meal ticket for life which she wanted too as well as her millions DP still has to pay for school fees and School trips and Driving Lessons and any outdoor sports like golf clubs and football and rugby ect will also pay uni fees and for there cars. I find it hard to actually see what she pays for! When Co vid hit she moaned saying she wanted more money for food as they were costing her more on food because one was not at boarding school ? what kind of mother moans about feeding your own children? she also contacted him the other day wanting him to pay half for somthing else like a new laptop the money he gives her should cover this as he pointed out to her but she honestly expects him to pay for everything concerning the DC even telling DC he has lots of money! so he can afford it! the thing is were does it stop? also the DC used to go on expensive holidays with DEXW on there own with just her or as a family but I think that will all stop with her now and she will be the only one going on the expensive holidays! I personally think she gets too much money for the DC even though DP can afford it! In realistic terms what child costs you £800 a week its ridiculous really when you think there are other familys struggling out there! no wounder she uses it to fund her house and lifestyle! She also lives in a modest home in the suburbs so it's not like her homes costs a lot of money to run she could do it on the money that she will gain through her interest she gets. I also want to point out im not bitter I don't really care it is there bussniess not mine but I went through the bitter divorce and was by his side so I knew about the Finances and the way it played out in court with regards the children I just didn't think at that time it was very fair to the men as you both go into a marriage bringing children into this world so why is it not split in a very fair and equal way!

Backtobasics5 · 02/09/2020 14:06

@zeebop £1600 sounds like a lot of money especially per week like you said the children’s father clearly can afford it! You would think now that the teens are in sixth form they would get an allowance and the mum would save the rest. I think the rules should be looked at for high amounts of money per week it should have to go into an account for the child until the age of 21. Unless school fees need to be paid for or something like that.

WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo · 02/09/2020 15:24

Funny how all these new partners think they know better what children cost than family Court & the legislature. Courts do try to equalise household incomes to a degree, you know for the children's well-being. And all those school runs, and every other of the zillion things the primary carer does every day that means they can't be earning & climbing the career ladder like the other parent can, costs money and opportunities. Begrudging the minimum legal child support is pretty low.

trevorandsimon · 02/09/2020 17:57

@zeebop

My DP only just divorced this year he has to pay alot of money to DEXW they have 2 children he is a very very high earner she gets £1600 a week for both the 2 children they are in there teens both in 6 form now one of DC goes to boarding school too . DEXW got a very very good financial settlement still likes to claim she has not enough money for both DC she actually sees this maintenance for the DC her money as a way to fund her home and lifestyle she didnt get her meal ticket for life which she wanted too as well as her millions DP still has to pay for school fees and School trips and Driving Lessons and any outdoor sports like golf clubs and football and rugby ect will also pay uni fees and for there cars. I find it hard to actually see what she pays for! When Co vid hit she moaned saying she wanted more money for food as they were costing her more on food because one was not at boarding school ? what kind of mother moans about feeding your own children? she also contacted him the other day wanting him to pay half for somthing else like a new laptop the money he gives her should cover this as he pointed out to her but she honestly expects him to pay for everything concerning the DC even telling DC he has lots of money! so he can afford it! the thing is were does it stop? also the DC used to go on expensive holidays with DEXW on there own with just her or as a family but I think that will all stop with her now and she will be the only one going on the expensive holidays! I personally think she gets too much money for the DC even though DP can afford it! In realistic terms what child costs you £800 a week its ridiculous really when you think there are other familys struggling out there! no wounder she uses it to fund her house and lifestyle! She also lives in a modest home in the suburbs so it's not like her homes costs a lot of money to run she could do it on the money that she will gain through her interest she gets. I also want to point out im not bitter I don't really care it is there bussniess not mine but I went through the bitter divorce and was by his side so I knew about the Finances and the way it played out in court with regards the children I just didn't think at that time it was very fair to the men as you both go into a marriage bringing children into this world so why is it not split in a very fair and equal way!

Wow, have you heard of a full stop and paragraphs?

MarieG10 · 02/09/2020 18:28

@Positivity11

The ex still lives in the family home, for which he pays the entire mortgage, as well as the mortgage on our house.

Why is he laying this? Is it spousal maintenance? Does he have a clean break consent order?

If it isn't spousal maintenance or included in the consent order then why is he paying it?

Sewsosew · 02/09/2020 19:03

What’s the reason he’s paying the mortgage. Does he retain ownership 100%.
What would happen if he sold?

zeebop · 03/09/2020 08:27

Wow, have you heard of a full stop and paragraphs.
😊 yes of course! I was writing while I was holding my breath 😂

zeebop · 03/09/2020 09:01

I don't begrudge the DEXW this money at all but I would like to point out she had a very good job before the DC came along and she could have gone back to work when both DC where old enough but she choose not to because she didn't have to work so I think there is a diffrence there!
She choose to drink instead and had a problem so this was her downfall still is. I think through boredom too!

Primary Carer well that depends on who the mother is as DEXW likes to be a primary carer when it suits her!

She sees the DC as a meal ticket now as she don't have much time for them and when she does somthing with them she acts like she is penniless!

Its got so bad DP has had to write a open letter to DC that this is how much she gets and everything is now down to her as they were asking him for clothes ect ! they now understand and have to ask her but it should not have got to this as they are her children as well!

I would like to point out I have 2D teenagers myself so I know what they cost but they definitely don't cost as much as she is getting weekly for 2 DC there should be some kind of limit of maintenance payments then rest goes in a trust for DC as someone else on here as mentioned.

bluebluezoo · 03/09/2020 10:31

What’s a DEXW?

Tyersal · 03/09/2020 19:02

@bluebluezoo darling ex wife. Bit of an oxymoron really

LastRoloIsMine · 04/09/2020 00:24

Controlling men are so attractive

Next you will be telling us she has her hair done and her nails....

Do you never think your man has such a good job and earns so much because he has a woman at home picking up the slack and doing the womens work?
I dont doubt she had a good career and she would still have if he had been a house husband.

Two sides to every story.

Greeneyes78 · 04/09/2020 21:00

@zeebop you can hold your breath for a while i hear what you’re saying!

i get zero from my ex husband for our three children, he hasn’t seen them since 2014.

my partners mother is absent and gets fuck all from her for their son.

SoloMummy · 04/09/2020 21:30

@Positivity11

Not sure if this is in the right category, apologies if not!

My partner divorced his, now, ex wife a few years ago and since then has paid around £500 a month in child support for the 2 kids. This was agreed outside of court as the breakup of the relationship was amicable and my partner has numerous other outgoings that aren't taken into account when going through CSA (it would be about £750 through them). However on top of this he helps pay for clothes, school trips, holidays, sports clubs among a lot of other things. Due to a big argument between them recently she is now requesting to go through CSA and claim the full amount. I presume she is within her rights to do this even though they previously agreed £500 a month?

It would put a slight strain on our finances and he has said he probably wouldn't be able to afford to help with the other bits he currently pays for. Just wanted to get people's thoughts really, it may look like we are the bad guys but we can only afford what we can afford and we do want to make sure the kids never go without

TIA x

he helps pay for clothes, school trips, holidays, sports clubs among a lot of other things. Thatbhas not been costing £3000 a year has it and that's what he's been depriving his child and ex wife of.

I'm afraid yabu.

This is £84.a week.per child versus the £57 per child currently being paid.

Only paying 2/3 of what is the legal minimum is shameful imo.

slipperywhensparticus · 04/09/2020 21:36

im assuming him paying the mortgage is in the divorce decree and its offset by him getting more when its sold?

TheBusDriver · 04/09/2020 21:57

@SoloMummy Paying 500 quid a month and paying the mortgage is hardly depriving the children is it.

He probably pays for stuff when with them yet again pure greed pure greed

waxofffff · 04/09/2020 22:07

@zeebop so the ex wife got a settlement, the school fees are paid for & gets 83k a yr to spend on the kids? If so, it's weird she is moaning about a laptop & your DP & you begrudge it. Surely it's pocket change!

waxofffff · 04/09/2020 22:09

but I would like to point out she had a very good job before the DC came along and she could have gone back to work when both DC where old enough but she choose not to because she didn't have to work so I think there is a diffrence there!

And her husband at the time had no opinion on this?