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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Ex wanting more child maintenance?

84 replies

Positivity11 · 28/08/2020 21:02

Not sure if this is in the right category, apologies if not!

My partner divorced his, now, ex wife a few years ago and since then has paid around £500 a month in child support for the 2 kids. This was agreed outside of court as the breakup of the relationship was amicable and my partner has numerous other outgoings that aren't taken into account when going through CSA (it would be about £750 through them). However on top of this he helps pay for clothes, school trips, holidays, sports clubs among a lot of other things. Due to a big argument between them recently she is now requesting to go through CSA and claim the full amount. I presume she is within her rights to do this even though they previously agreed £500 a month?

It would put a slight strain on our finances and he has said he probably wouldn't be able to afford to help with the other bits he currently pays for. Just wanted to get people's thoughts really, it may look like we are the bad guys but we can only afford what we can afford and we do want to make sure the kids never go without Sad

TIA x

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 29/08/2020 15:51

Of the £750, how much would go on wraparound care? How much childcare does DP provide, eg covering at least half of the 13 weeks school holidays? Does the child'd mother work par-time to accommodate after school care?

ZenZebra · 29/08/2020 16:25

My partner divorced his, now, ex wife a few years ago and since then has paid around £500 a month in child support for the 2 kids.

If the amount was agreed "a few years ago" I would have thought that it would have increased since then anyway. Prices have gone up since then and the children getting older will also have meant that costs will have increased.

Original poster
Positivity11 · 31/08/2020 21:57

Thanks all for comments, I'm not going to be commenting on his salary, and I didn't really want to go into the 'other outgoings' however I think it will be beneficial to looking at the responses as they are important but I didn't want to come across as bitter:

The ex still lives in the family home, for which he pays the entire mortgage, as well as the mortgage on our house. He currently is paying off a significant credit card debt that was racked up when they were together (I don't know the ins and outs of this but from speaking to them both the majority of this debt came from her), they have this debt as his salary was lower when they were together and then he got a better job and salary as they were separating, this is roughly £300 a month, and was not split between them when they divorced.

He would do absolutely anything for the kids and they have never gone without but the issue is that we aren't always sure that the money is being spent for their benefit. We would much rather buy the kids clothes and help pay for their trips and put money away ready for their future (driving lessons/cars/uni etc)

Thanks all for the feedback x

OP posts:
worriedandannoyed · 31/08/2020 22:21

You're not sure if the money is for their benefit? There are many many costs associated with bringing up kids that aren't just clothes and school trips! Even the costs to run her car so she can take them to school and clubs, there's so much more to it than clothes and trips!

ArnoldBee · 31/08/2020 22:28

Do cms still do variations and why is he paying maintenance and the mortgage?

Love51 · 31/08/2020 22:33

If he's paying the mortgage on the family home, he will be the one accruing equity in it, so essentially it is a long term saving vehicle for him as well as his children's home.
He still needs to pay fair maintenance to heat it and pay towards childcare, clothes etc

nicky7654 · 31/08/2020 22:35

Wow £750 for 2 children per month!!! That's a huge amount. I got sweet fa not even a pair of socks for my children!! Think I am out of touch lol

trevorandsimon · 31/08/2020 22:39

Well he shouldn't be paying the child maintenance and the mortgage! Hes a bit of a dope or very generous if he is doing that. His wife should be paying for where she lives. Are they divorced? Is this part of the consent order? If not, it sounds very odd that he paying both.

Smallsteps88 · 31/08/2020 22:43

we aren't always sure that the money is being spent for their benefit.

Are the children fed when with their mother? Do they have beds, heating, electric, shoes, haircuts? If so then the money is being spent for their benefit.

Smallsteps88 · 31/08/2020 22:45

I am guessing that he is paying the mortgage until the youngest child leaves school at which point he will either reclaim the house for himself or sell it.

Elephantscantfly · 31/08/2020 22:58

My ex pays the full cms assessed amount, he’s tried every way to hide or get out of paying over the years and I ask nothing more from him. As a single parent I find it easier to budget knowing that I get the same amount monthly and I can put some aside for school trips, big bills etc, I also try and save a little for our daughters future. I’d hate to have to worry about having to ask for additional help or not being able to afford occasional treats. What works for us might not work for others though.

minnieok · 31/08/2020 22:58

Well the mortgage will be taken into account, unless it's court ordered spousal maintenance. My ex paid the mortgage and gave me maintenance on top - high earner

LastRoloIsMine · 31/08/2020 23:02

He needs to pay.
Truth is you cannot dictate what she spends the money on its weird and very controlling. If you think the children are neglected then do something about it but her finances are none of your business.

As for paying the mortgage and CC he diesnt have to do that so he needs to deal with it if he is unable to afford it.

timetest · 31/08/2020 23:48

You really can’t dictate what maintenance is spent on. That’s controlling.

TheBusDriver · 01/09/2020 10:35

@timetest this is the problem though when maintenance is thrown into the pot. You have a NRP struggling to pay bills etc give 20% of wage away and still the RP wants more towards school trips etc but has money to buy a new car etc. Baring in mind the NRP will have the majority of the same bills. The NRP is then seen as not caring as he is only contributing the bare minimum. The system builds resentment.

Child Maintenance IMHO should be paid into an account and used for clothes uniforms trips etc not normal house hold running costs

Littlepaws18 · 01/09/2020 10:45

Go through CSA. But stop paying for everything else including the mortgage! Get that house sold or himself off the mortgage.

My partners ex did something similar and we were like fine go through CSA it's fair but don't expect a penny for anything else. In the long run she is worse off. But that was her choice.

timetest · 01/09/2020 12:16

The Bus Driver . In Ops case, the NRP wasn’t giving the correct amount of maintenance just an amount decided some time ago. This resulted in the RP having to request money for school uniform and whatever. If given the correct amount there may well not have been the additional need for extra cash.

Tyersal · 01/09/2020 12:26

BUT the nrp was paying for the roof over the kids head and his ex head 24/7

TheBusDriver · 01/09/2020 14:11

If it was me I would stop paying mortgage straight away. She is getting a good amount of money from the NRP. Sounds like greed from the RP

Holyrivolli · 01/09/2020 14:16

How much is the mortgage payments and are they court mandated? If they’re more than £250 and not legally enforceable then he could tell her that he’ll pay the £750 but it’s up to her to pay the mortgage. If she can’t cover it then the house would need to be sold.

Palavah · 01/09/2020 14:18

[quote TheBusDriver]@pheasantplucker1 why should the nrp pay more if already giving 750 a month? Pure greed I would say[/quote]
You're asking why a father should pay more than the bare minimum for his kids?

freeingNora · 01/09/2020 15:51

I think you've been fed a story sorry and if they are his children then he should pay. It's non of your business what she spends the money on but if he can afford two mortgages and child maintenance then I suggest he has a sufficient salary and you're looking for loopholes

The whys and where fires of their private arrangements are non of you business

He's been underpaying by 250 since he left that's £3000 per year how many years has he been gone.

I wonder if the £250 reduction was her share of the mortgage payment so she could maintain equitable status

Are they actually divorced ?

Tyersal · 01/09/2020 16:35

@freeingNora of course it's her business if she lives with him, shares finances with him and changes will affect her

TheBusDriver · 01/09/2020 19:42

@Palavah what I am saying he is already providing more than what he should be. This bare minimum nonsense has to stop. If he is paying the RP 750 a month is that not enough as I bet he still buying the child stuff round his. Pure greed.

timetest · 01/09/2020 20:28

TheBusDriver He is not paying 750, he is underpaying by 250. If he paid the correct amount as calculated by CMS, there would be no need for additional money.

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