For those going through divorce

[JustOneLastThing]

Just a little message to say it will all be okay in the end.
My decree absolute came through yesterday and I feel a sense of calm and serenity about it.

It has been hard work at times and has left me a bit emotionally raw but I can feel myself healing from the pain.

It was almost a bit anticlimactic to just get an email saying 'your divorce is now complete'!

Good luck to those going through it, and thank you to those who have supported me on MN.

Yay! I'm still waiting for my paperwork but totally agree. Worth every bit of heart ache to get rid of him.

@OhioOhioOhio it really is worth it. Ex-h are on pretty good terms now, but I do feel relief that we are no longer together on a daily basis!

When did you apply for your DA? Just trying to get a sense of timelines for myself.

Congrats you're free. Now you can spread your wings wide and live your life the way you want. Yay!

@LittleHelpFromMySplitEnds applied for the divorce in March, Decree Nisi completed mid April, decree absolute applied for and granted on the 12th June. All done online with no financial or consent orders and no custody arrangements as we have agreed everything between us. All very straightforward thankfully.

Where are you in the process?

Thank you for the encouragement and the post. I've just decided after years of contemplating to get a divorce so thought I would look to mumsnet for some advice

@JustOneLastThing I'm just at the start, if you agree on finances, don't you still need to have it formalized? If that's even a word.

@ImFree2doasiwant no, you just don't have to send form 'e' in. We didn't own a house and agreed to leave each others pensions alone. When the decree absolute comes through there's a statement which says you don't have any right to inheritance etc.

I had a glass of wine when I opened mine.

Thanks. I wish I was at your stage. Decided to divorce 6 weeks ago. Feels like we have made no progress. Agreed something daft before I got legal advice. Now he's digging his heels in and refusing to do anything at all. Having to get lawyer to write to him and hope he gets his own legal advice to confirm he's being really unreasonable, and hope we can make progress. Not cheap!

I am prepared to compromise to move things forward and to stay in the house with DC, but he's trying to have 2 cakes and eat them at the moment. ☹️

V frustrating to have no end in sight. Limbo not good for me or the kids. Urgh. Just want it done, and it's only just starting...

Anyone else stuck in similar limbo?

@Relocationlocationetc my husband hs loterally just put the applicarion in so im waiting for it to come through to respond. I also want to stay in the house, could go some way to buying him out (parental assistance) IF he is reasonable about it.

I'm very encouraged by the timescale of the Ops divorce though, it gives me hope that it could be done this year!

Thanks for the reply. Good to speak to others going through a similar thing. I am less concerned about the actual divorce tbh. Trying to agree finances and it seems to be his way or he refuses to do anything at all. He was looking at houses, now refusing to do anything. Horrible limbo period. Have asked lawyer to write to him, in the hope he gets his own advice and realises he is being unreasonable. If that doesn't work, this is going to be expensive. Feels like I'm walking through never-ending treacle right now. So unfair on DC as well. 😢

Hope yours goes more smoothly...

My nisi was Nov 2018 and we still haven't agreed the finances - will I ever be divorced from the man!

O poor you. I assume you are living apart at least? Hope you are ok.

Mine won't move out (or even look at properties) until finances are agreed. Total nightmare.

yes - he went to live with his pregnant girlfriend!

Now he wants all the money from our house 'to support his family'.

Which is what I thought I was.

Ouch, poor you. That's awful.

Thank you for this, I’m glad to hear it’s worked out well for you 😊.

My husband told me he wanted us to split in January. We were still living together once COVID hit and we’re still not much further forward. How did you manage to sort everything without a consent order? I’m obviously new to this so have no idea how it works! We’re on good terms so u was hoping to avoid going through solicitors if possible.

I'm well into the other side of my divorce and can tell you all going through it that you will get there, no matter how hard it seems at the time. Life is so much better. The creep can't quite let go and still contacts me through friends every now and then just to remind me that he can but I got there and you will too.

Please keep telling us these 'better after divorce' stories. Feels like I'm going nowhere and it makes you start to doubt your own sanity at times. I do worry about how the atmosphere will affect the DC as well. Not big rows usually, just pretty toxic.

Started off pretty amicable but after I got legal advice and told him I couldn't accept what we originally spoke about, he has refused to progress anything. Even to get his own legal advice.

Not much fun when we're all in lockdown together....

@WhiteWriting that is what i fear happening to me too. I just wish i was out the other side of it all.

Can't bloody wait

So do I!

Any tips from others on getting stubborn men to move forward welcome!

I am hoping that a letter from my solr will make him worry about costs and he will get some advice to be more reasonable. I'm prepared to compromise, but what he wants is totally unfair.

Good to speak to others wading through similar treacle. Especially when in lockdown together...😱😱

Good God how you manage to live together through lockdown I have no idea!! Thankfully mine moved out ages ago.

It's horrible tbh. Especially when you don't know how long it's going to go on for.

I want my DC to live in a light and happy house when they are with me. I know it won't be perfect, and I will have less money,but (hopefully) it will be sooo much better than it is now.

Really wish he would move out, but I guess that's unlikely when I was the main decision maker here. Although he has certainly driven me to it..

Thanks and hope you can make some progress soon.

We haven’t filed anything yet but have decided on financials, i’m buying him out. I feel elated, it’s been years of heartache and indecision. I finally feel i get to live, roll on the divorce.

@BestDaysAheadOfMe love your use name. Did you just agree between yourselves then? I'm dreading mine being difficult, he's previously mentioned 50/50 of the house equity and I can't afford that.