Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Separating and stuck together due to coronavirus? Support thread.

74 replies

neomneomneom · 31/03/2020 10:56

That's me and it's grim. Made the decision to sell up and move into separate households then coronavirus struck.

Now having to live with an emotionally resentful, depressed DH who can't find the will to work or explore new avenues to survive our situation.

We have teenage children, one with additional needs and they have been so good at trying to adapt.

I veer between acute guilt and feeling sorry for him and frustration about us all trying our best to make this work and him not appearing to do his bit.

Anyone else in the same space ?

OP posts:
purpleboy · 31/03/2020 11:05

No but I didn't want to read and run.

Such a tough situation. Are you in separate bedrooms? Can you get your own space? Do you go out with the teens for exercise to give you a bit of a breather?

silky4960 · 31/03/2020 11:11

Not the same situation but I have instucted my soliciter to start divorce proceedings, now we cant put the house on the market for god knows how long, at the moment its amibical at home and luckily I'm classed as a key worker so go to work as normal, I cant begin to comprehend your frustration, but just think your doing this for a reason and look for the end goal

Original poster
neomneomneom · 31/03/2020 11:22

Thank you for the responses - nice not to feel so alone.

I guess it's the emotional toll of living with what I can only describe as an adult sulky teenager who throws the occasional barbs but who then apologises, so I can't even be angry with him.

I am working from home so no real escape aside from a daily walk. I'm lucky though in that we are able to have our own rooms and can escape to the garden.

Roll on freedom - in every way....

OP posts:
Zalen · 31/03/2020 11:29

I'm in a very similar situation. We'd just made the decision to split and were waiting on our eldest son coming home for Mother's Day so that we could tell both kids together.

Now it feels like we're stuck in limbo. Eldest is stuck on lockdown in London and we don't want to add to the anxiety of an already anxious time with this bit of news.

H had all but moved out, now he's around most of the time, he's out of work and complaining that no-one is hiring, he won't consider the jobs that are around at the moment, some of the supermarkets around here seem to be crying out for staff or delivery drivers. When he's not around then I'm worried about what he's up to as he doesn't seem to get the importance of the lockdown.

I'm working from home full-time, and I know that I'm lucky to be able to do that, but it does make me a captive audience when he feels like moaning about the situation, the people who've been 'rude' to him because he's not following the lockdown rules or the evil capitalists who apparently caused this whole mess.

Original poster
neomneomneom · 31/03/2020 13:33

DH disappeared off for a walk this morning and came back apologetic (again). It seems like an endless cycle of him getting angry, creating tension and then disappearing really but I figure it's pointless to make a fuss as I don't want all out war when we are all confined and the children are present. So I just keep quiet.

Every day is another day closer to getting out. I'd really wanted to do divorce differently - amicably and all it bout a huge drama. Clearly it won't quite be like that!

OP posts:
Original poster
neomneomneom · 31/03/2020 13:36

@zalen I feel your pain !

OP posts:
Takeoutyourhen · 31/03/2020 14:07

I’m also divorcing whilst living with StbEh. Both keyworkers but we also have 3 young children who I’m an homeschooling as well.
I’m on the sofa downstairs and he has the bedroom for work so we have our own separate spaces.
Currently working together well as a team.
I think divorcing whilst being forced to live together will be challenging but depends on how you deal with it.
Hope you manage to get your own space. I was thinking about starting a thread like this myself!

Zalen · 31/03/2020 15:03

@neomneomneom thank you, and right back at ya.

H has discovered the joys of live-streaming over Facebook, he's spewing some right gibberish but at least it keeps him out of my hair.

Original poster
neomneomneom · 31/03/2020 17:51

Welcome @takeoutyourhen - come join us muddling through.

Things have been fairly amicable so far and I don't want being cooped up to derail the process.

We are trying to get the house ready to go on the market as soon as we get the opportunity.

OP posts:
WonderBean · 31/03/2020 20:27

Hi all
I have been living with my stbxh since I asked him to move out last July. He was made redundant in December and now we have Corona.
We have 2 sons 9 and 5 and I told them about us separating in September and we have separate rooms
I feel like I have been waiting forever and now I don’t even know when it will end.
He had made no real effort to look for work and luckily has stayed away for the last 2weeks as he was self isolating and I really wish he wouldn’t return.

Though we amicable I just don’t want to have to live with him anymore

Original poster
neomneomneom · 31/03/2020 22:02

Difficult times all round. But feel free to vent and post as and when you need to.

We will survive .... Confused

OP posts:
WonderBean · 31/03/2020 22:05

Indeed and nice to find people in similar situation

WonderBean · 31/03/2020 22:08

Ooh just realised I put we have corona and I meant as in the crisis, not ill!!

confused3485 · 03/04/2020 16:18

Hi Ladies

So comforting to know people are in the same situation as me.

I asked for a separation in feb, things started moving and obviously thats all on hold now.

Its all very amicable but he's the last person I want to be cooped up with. I try and keep it friendly but just find it so hard sometimes as I just miss my normal life and his getting more and more irritating.

I feel bad as he's trying to keep things cheery but I find it too hard to pretend Im ok with this.

ItsLeviOsanotLeviosA · 03/04/2020 18:02

Me. I’m feeling really down about it today.

We separated in October 2019, divorce petition was issued in February but not heard back yet. Finances are now up in the air as my settlement depends on shares being paid out this month which have taken a huge dive in value. I’d put an offer in on a house and that will all go very slowly now, and I will just have to hope I can still afford it as I’ve also been told I need to take a 20% pay cut.

I have a new partner too who I can’t see.

WonderBean · 03/04/2020 18:08

It’s so tough, it’s like we are all stuck in limbo and can’t see a way out, at least yours is trying to make the best @confused3485
Mine feels like he is just trying to be a lazy slovenly giving zero fucks teenager!

confused3485 · 03/04/2020 18:11

@WonderBean He has his moments trust me, but I know my situation could be much much worse.

I just pray this is over soon, its soo hard!

Zalen · 04/04/2020 19:23

So sorry that there are other's going through the same thing. What I find really annoying is that, after having seemingly moved on, for months he only popped in for a few minutes here and there, he's now back full time and behaving as if he'd never left.

I suppose in his mind he never did, but to me it felt like he'd all but moved out, and our youngest son and I had settled into a nice routine. Now he's back and suddenly our lives are expected to revolve around him again.

This afternoon he accused our son of selfishness, this from the world's most selfish man. The look on my face must have been something to behold, but I bit my tongue and left the room asap. Now I'm hiding out upstairs.

Original poster
neomneomneom · 05/04/2020 01:23

Tricky times all round for most of us. My DH is feeling very cooped up and making this known. He is used to a lot of free time on his own and now he has a houseful and can't get away from us!

I'm wanting to get the house sorted so the minute we can, it'll go on the market. He is demotivated and reticent to do anything. It's very frustrating. I'm sitting here thinking one day at a time, stay calm, tick the days off...

OP posts:
Zalen · 06/04/2020 08:54

Yes, my husband is feeling the same way. He is still going out a lot, far more than he should but I don't know what to do about it. I've told him that he shouldn't be going out but just get ridiculed for doing so. I don't want to get into a knock-down, drag-out with him with our youngest son in the house.

I guess I'm just a bit of a coward. I'm praying that others have too much sense to get close to him.

Samphire3010 · 07/04/2020 09:39

Hi everyone, I’m in the same situation. We separated in July 2019 and have been living together since. We had started mediation, which had now been put on hold. Things are amicable, we have 2 daughters aged 4 & 7 who don’t know anything about the situation. He he key worker so out of the house which is a relief, I am trying to wfh & school the girls. Although it’s easter holidays now which is a relief.
I initiated the separation, we are a good team but effectively just housemates & have been for a long time. I had a lot of counselling to get to this point & now being cooped up at home I feel as though I am going backwards and have doubt creeping into my head and wondering if I’m making the right decision. I know it is, but my mind is playing tricks on me. And it’s fear that is taking me back there. Has anyone else been having feeling like that? I’m so sorry for all of you stuck in this awful situation x

LemonLiz · 07/04/2020 14:56

@Samphire3010
Snap! I've sent you a PM

OEJ1979 · 08/04/2020 10:00

@Samphire3010 I’m there with you.
We separated only a couple of weeks before this started. I had just got used to the wonderful peace living apart and we are flung back together. He has said this is a ‘gift from god’ to keep us all together, bring the family back to what it was.

He is driving me mad. He keeps touching me. Stroking my face. Holding my hand. Trying to cuddle. All in front of DC who know we’ve separated. He was using his ways to work back into me and then yesterday cemented my knowledge this is right. He saw my phone unlocked, took it and deleted all our conversations. This was my evidence of his verbal abuse. Very pleased I’d emailed the majority to my mum. The control is horrific and the DC are seeing it now too.
I hope this is over very quickly for everyone in this situation. I have his narcissistic and controlling ways but at least not physical.
Keep safe everyone.

SkippyLou3010 · 08/04/2020 12:28

Oh @OEJ1979 That sounds awful, I am so sorry for you. That is terrible behaviour on his part. Happy to hear it isn’t physical, but still a form of domestic abuse. I wish I had some words of advice but it’s tough. I’m here to talk if you need it x

SkippyLou3010 · 08/04/2020 12:29

Also, I have changed my username @OEJ1979Smile

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.