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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

Court for finances

12 replies

AustinRd · 27/03/2020 17:01

Hi could those who have been through the court process on finance advise me roughly how long it took? I have been trying to get my ex to negotiate a deal for 17mths but they refuse to say anything but no to each and ever suggestion I’ve made. They refuse to tell me what they want other than “the house sold” which clearly isnt necessary if I am able to buy them out.
So far I’ve provided all docs including 3 valuations (not acceptable)
Offered an independent valuation (won’t select a valuer)
Made a buy out offer based on the valuation we have (55/45 split - there is a back story as to why not 50/50) - straight no)
Savings and pensions when we started this were equal, both good earners. This will have changed due to their lifestyle as I know they have blown their savings .

I can’t see a judge being interested until there is a valuation so no doubt they will order one. For those who have been through it any advice on things I should be considering in prep for court
Ex is EA and dragged us through court re access too and refuses to accept Cafcass reports so this feels like the only way he can continue to control/abuse me

OP posts:
MarieG10 · 27/03/2020 17:06

Court can take ages, even more so now

Sounds like there is no point negotiating any more and go straight to court....but be prepared for it to make a very significant dent in your settlement. It sounds like he is so bitter that what he loses financially won't bother him. So people are like that and just want to hurt you.

Some friends who were decent earners spent £40k between them...and it never even got near court so probably would have been another £40k. Would have amounted to about 10% of the joint pot but a lot f that was pensions and not cash

Bank on paying £300+Vat per hour for solicitor and a lot more for barristers

Original poster
AustinRd · 27/03/2020 17:10

Funny thing is he was the one who had an affair so why they are bitter I’ve no idea 🤯

OP posts:
Marieg10 · 27/03/2020 17:17

Because he was found out or changed his mind?

Original poster
AustinRd · 27/03/2020 18:01

Found out but still chose to leave

OP posts:
sadwithkiddies · 27/03/2020 22:14

so far i'm £12k down and no deal.

nearly at the end now.....
its been a year since nearly ex-dh was asked to exchange form Es….I finally got his today by court order.
I can now make him an offer - if he rejects it fine, our court date is set for may - a small delay wont hurt...

I have a solicitor - he doesn't know his ass from his elbow and it shows!

court will require a form E - which requires a year of bank statements on all your accounts from the day you exchange! ex can then ask as many questions as they want re your monies....it is very intrusive.

you can find the form E online, have a read through it.

Original poster
AustinRd · 27/03/2020 22:38

Thanks we did voluntary disclosure (all of form E info) Jan 2019 that’s how I know we were equal when he left. He went through nearly 20k in 3 months doing god only knows what. None of that will show now as it won’t be in the 12m statements and this worries me. He’s effectively been completely irresponsible with money, I’ve not and now I think it will count against me ☹️

OP posts:
Otter71 · 28/03/2020 00:27

More to be devils advocate but I moved out (came home to new locks suitcase packed and told to phone a friend). Either of us could have bought the other out though he earns more so found it easier Two teenage DC Whilst younger child tried coming to my new place and helped choose the place I bought, both have decided they can only cope with the family home they always knew. This despite ex having said repeatedly that he doesn't care what the kids do as long as he keeps the house and the cat. I really wish I had pushed for and insisted on the house being sold as iit would have given is way more of a level playing field so I do understand his possible rationale here. If that would solve everything without court and give everyone an equal fresh start, saving you probably way more than the conveyancing costs in the family court, why is this not something that you can consider here?

Yellowshirt · 28/03/2020 02:49

I gave my ex 3 house valuations. Conveniently she has lost two of them. I've also asked 3 times for pension statements but it has been ignored.
So I'm now changing solicitor ready for court.
Again she had the affair and again she is the bitter one, turning our 14 year old daughter against me , hiding things and just lying to save her reputation as a senior secondary school teacher.
20 months we have been separated.
Her latest offer is £19000 when the equity in the house after you take 3% off is £47000. So roughly £23500 each.
She is also desperate to hide her pension despite the fact when we were together she controlled all money including my wages but now she thinks she can hide a pension.

MarieG10 · 28/03/2020 07:37

Well...without pension statements no court is going to entertain any settlement as there has not been full disclosure.

Does she actually want to get divorced and financially separated as the longer it goes on, the more her pension grows in value and will count against her. As a senior secondary school teacher it will be fairly valuable and I'm sure she is not stupid enough to think she can hide it?

Yellowshirt · 28/03/2020 09:52

We are both desperate for a divorce. But she is more desperate to hide the pension then tell my daughter I'm being greedy .
The wedge she has put between me and my daughter because I am just trying to get the best and most open and honest deal we can is unbelievable.
The reason I want to change solicitor is beacause I'm angry my current solicitor didn t issue court proceedings when my ex refused to produce the 3 house valuations and the pension and even after 20 months she is still reluctant to put up a good argument.
My new solicitor said within five minutes of speaking to her on the phone my ex will have to pay court costs if she does not comply.

Original poster
AustinRd · 28/03/2020 12:37

Thanks all. I have no desire to rip anybody off I just want it done and dusted. Otter I think I could offer the moon in a stick but if it’s not their idea it will be a no. We have children with mental health issues where change is a trigger so minimising the impact in them is a huge part of the puzzle. Sorry if that feels like drip feeding, I just thought the general need to minimise impact to kids was a priority.

OP posts:
sadwithkiddies · 28/03/2020 20:09

you will have to have up to date bank statements for court...so if you exchanged Form Es in jan 2019 you will need to give all new bank statements since then....each time you go to court you have to provide the new bank statements up to the court date.....its an utter pain in the bum.
I find it a complete invasion of privacy but thems the rules....

it will help you by the sounds of it.

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