Dad with minimal input in day to day life of kids now wanting 50-50

[MakeMineALargeProsecco]

In the process of separating after many unhappy years.

Have DC aged 11 & 6.

I've been part-time & the primary carer, doing all drop off's, pickups, cooking, dentist appts during the week.

Their dad usually comes home around 7-7.30 & does stories etc. He is a bit more involved during the weekends.

He's wanting to stay in the house, buy me out & start doing 50/50. Probably to avoid maintenance.

Have had a try at it the last couple of weeks & he's been hopeless - late, not giving baths & showers, forgetting lunches/PE kits etc.

The kids are tired from 11 hour days in childcare & asking why mummy can't drop them as usual.

I don't think this is in their best interests.

He also has mental health issues with significant periods of time off work, Witt resulting financial issues.

I think they would be better with 1 night during week & EOW. But for him that would mean maintenance & he can't keep house. I can't buy him out.

Help!

If he was successful in getting 50:50 - and I don’t think he would be necessarily - then he will soon realise that he might not pay maintenance but they will cost him a hell of a lot more !
This is all about him being in control and bullying you

I think if you suggest formally through a solicitor

• EOW and one night midweek
• that you want the house sold and the equity split
• you will be claiming for child maintenance based on the above - which would mean a reduction of one night a week since every other weekend does not reduce the maintenance as the minimum is one night every week I think? - and that claim will be lodged forthwith the with CMS asap as the children’s main carer

Sorry but you need to fight fire with fire or he will snuff you out.

Stop negotiating and go to court.

Here's some information on Scottish case law on cohabitation in case anyone would like to familiarise themselves with it:

www.thorntons-law.co.uk/for-you/thorntons-family-law-divorce-solicitors/cohabitation-rights-in-scotland

You said he doesn’t want to go to court. Does he need to agree to it in order for that to happen?

If not tell him he’s being unreasonable and impossible and you have no other choice but to go to court. I think even getting a loan if needs be would be worth it in order to do it. Otherwise you will still be in this situation another year from now. It sounds like being unreasonable is his stalling strategy and is not negatively impacting him. Good luck.

OP I am confused because your links show that you are in a far stronger position than what he is offering 50/50 care and 20k out of 150k.

I get the money issue and you need to discuss a payment plan with your solicitor and make it clear that unless he agrees to a sensible divide you will be going for costs.

So again honestly what is holding you back? Fear? Guilt? Preserve goodwill? Because you NEED to take this to court