Co-parenting after separation

[LostDad2020]

Hello,

I’m not sure as a dad whether I’m allowed here but what the heck.

I’ve been married for 18 years and my marriage is coming close to an end. My wife has shown no affection towards me for almost 5 years and no physical interaction for the same. I’m miserable and done with it.

But what is worrying me is co-parenting after separation. I have two daughters, 7 and 10, and I have a 90 minute commute each way 3 days a week.

One person I know does mon - wed / thu - fri / weekend and repeat, so each parent gets the same amount of time but that won’t work as I don’t get home until 7 and can’t vary my work from home days.

Anyone else had this issue and how did you tackle it?

Although 50/50 seems logical on paper to aspire to some people think it's better for the children to be mainly in one place rather than flicking between houses, especially if one partner is working away or long hours etc. A common set up and the one we have is every other weekend at dads Friday pm to Sunday pm and a midweek stay each week, say Wednesday. My kids are here 10/11 days out if 14 but their dad is only back late whereas I'm here all the time. It would be nuts putting them in after-school for him to collect late to make it "fair" when I'm round the corner.

Maybe you take them on your work from home days (thurs pick up pm, then friday) til Sunday morning? Not quite 50/50 but the time you get would be quality not rushed.

Thanks, that’s useful. It would be better if I knew I could pick them up Wednesday night and have them those two nights during the week and then once every two weeks it rolls on to a weekend as well.

Thanks for the advice, that could be a way forward

We do EOW and a mid week night here too. Personally I think it's more stable for children to have 1 main home, not 50/50.

50/50 remains rare, however much people might want it to be the most common. That will only happen when parenting is closer to 50/50 BEFORE people split, I think.
Remember that the long holidays also need to be considered, not just school time -- at least until the kids are mid teen or similar.

State your request to your ex and work around it.

I do a 4/2/2 day rota. Incredibly complex. But we live near each other.

It is in children's interest to see both parents equally. You just need to find a solution that works for you both and more importantly, kids.

Can I ask why there was no affection ?

@Ss770640 that's a very sweeping statement and not at all true. It's not always in a child's best interests to have equal time with both parents. If one parent has always been the primary care giver, then maintaining the status quo is far more important.

Some parents aren't suitable to look after their DC 50/50. Some don't want to.

It's important to look at your own personal situation and arrange things so that they work out in the best interest of of the children. That will change over time, so arrangements for where they live will probably also change.