Hi all,
So, I'm 7 months pregnant and dealing with a very stressful ex, wondering if anyone had been through similar or had any advice?
Long story short, my ex hasn't lived with me for nearly 2 years - we have a joint house (both total owners) but he's never paid anything for it since and we were only in it together a couple of months or so, going to live with his mum. He chose to leave and said he didn't want anything furniture or money wise from the house but at the time, it wasn't possible to change the mortgage etc due to ERC's and not getting a mortgage by myself in my old job. Nothing in writing unfortunately, yes naive mistake I know, won't be doing that again! Thought we could sort everything between us.
House went up for sale as it wasn't my intent to stay here, he can't get a mortgage (he has an old default on his credit file) and coming up to a year for sale. I've tried everything, redecorating, changing the price, facilitating viewings etc etc whilst he's had nothing to do with it but been holding out, hoping for some money out of it (there is no equity as mortgage was rubbish due to his default) so nothing to be gained regardless.
I've now offered the house to a builder just to get rid of it so baby isn't coming to a house that partly isn't wholly theirs. Ex knows and we've arranged to meet to sign the paperwork for sale. Obviously part ex means there's a shortfall in mortgage but I've said I'll pay this, plus all the solicitors fees and he can have furniture he bought from the house. My partner is paying the deposit etc for a new house which he's said he's happy to do just to move on so I'm not gaining anything from it as in, using loads of equity to get a new house, I just want a guaranteed sale as we had one fall through before.
He's now saying he's bringing to the meeting something he's wrote up which says I need to give him £2500, a makeup mirror he bought me as a present (to give to his new girlfriend) and various other bits. I'm not disputing, it's material in a fair amount but I'm so stressed over this money demand.
He's saying it's to help him pay debts he'd be paying off for a few more years (he got a loan out in his mum's name which he pays off, nothing in writing about me or what would happen if we split). I think he was convinced the house would sell with money he could have but how do I know where I stand with this as it's causing me so much stress and worried about baby and that he will refuse to sell the house? How do I know what situation he's got himself in and where any money would actually go? I don't think I'll be going back to work full time either due to childcare costs.
Sorry for length, anything helpful appreciated, not judgement for being naive, I know. I did our own divorce via the online option they offer now and he agreed to it, signing to say there were no issues with finances etc that needed additional help.
Live update, sorry! Hopefully someone won't mind reading my venting.
I've explained I can't just give a demanded sum of money as I'm paying all of the associated selling/moving on costs plus there's the costs of furnishing a new house (I'll need everything from flooring etc) so he's now said there isn't anything he can do about that if I have no spare money, but, he now is going to be selfish when it comes to the house and he wants to make a list of everything in it and anything he could take to sell for his debt, he wants so basically, he wants to take everything and leave me with no furniture at all, despite there being plenty of things here that I bought or struggled on finance for to pay off when I was on a lower paid job.
He's still living at his mum's, despite telling me he was going to IKEA in a weeks' time to get furniture for a new place the last time we spoke and needed some basic furniture from the house immediately. I'm just lost off, so messy, goalposts change all the time! During this he's also asked me to get loans out to pay him off, said he'll never mention anything about money every again or said I should just sign the house over to him and he'll never mention money again (until he realised you can't just sign a mortgage over and it remains the same, he didn't know you have to complete affordability etc yourself).
I get it could look like I get to sail off and get a new house etc but it's going to be a massive upheaval too, no one wins in these situations and it's not about winning for me, just a genuine want to move on. Young, naive, lots learned but hoping for advice without massive legal hikes too