Separated today

[As2155]

Hope it’s ok as a man to post. Finding it hard at the moment. My other half cheated on me and said she can’t forgive herself so has thrown me out. Our tenancy, unbeknown to me, was set up in a way that means despite being married I’m not on the lease. Therefore I have no rights.

Furthermore we have a young child and step children. I have been banned from saying goodbye to the step children and told I can see my other child whenever but not now and never in the house.

At present I’m living on someone’s sofa. I’m sad about my marriage breaking down, but terrified my child will be kept away from me until I can get legal help. I settled them every night and would get up with them every day. It breaks my heart. I miss them.

Any advice would be helpful. Thank you for reading.

Any help would be appreciated. Thank you 😊

How quickly can you get some legal advice? I'd say that's your first action so you know where you stand regarding accommodation and visiting rights.

Sorry you are going through this

I’m going to try and get some this week. It’s just horrible that the person I married isn’t the person she is anymore.

Also is there an active dads forum website anywhere? Everything on the net is pretty much dead

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I wouldn't know where to begin beyond getting legal advice immediately.

Do you have any idea why she’s changed this much.
Do you have a job to keep you busy for now.
Do you think there is any turning back
Let the dust settle and try and think calmly .
You might need legal advice.

Oh my goodness that sounds awful.
I can’t offer advice apart from the obvious get legal advice, but I’m very sorry to hear you are having such an awful time. I hope things are getting a bit better and that you can muddle through this.
Good luck!

I honestly don’t know why. She said she didn’t know why she did what she did. I don’t see any coming back from this. It’s just hard as if I spend money on legal fees it’s less for me to spend on getting a place for my boy. I just feel like if you are a good father there’s no legal given for you, the mother can do what she wants, if that way inclined, for the first few months.

All I can say is I feel your pain. This was me 10 months ago.

Get a solicitor as soon as you can and rent somewhere reasonably close by but not on her doorstep as soon as you can. Then breathe. See your GP if you need to for help to get your head straight.
Is she accusing you of dv? If not then theoretically visiting rights for your child should be easy. The step children may be a whole other story.

How much contact do the step children have with their dad? And if not much do you know his side of the story?

It’s strange with the step kids dad. They see him regularly, but he’s not a good father. Just because she’s done what she’s done doesn’t change that, if you get what I mean. There’s no accusations towards me fortunately. My concern is the type of people my boy might be exposed to as well.

Hmmm youve got to find a way to keep it peaceful whilst seeking legal advice are you in the UK

Assuming the relationship is over you can't expect to have your child overnight until they have somewhere suitable to stay. So the first thing you need to do is sort that aspect out, which is more financial than child-based. You are in a very weak position by being forced to move out like that.

Once that is sorted you will need to discuss a suitable child arrangements with your ex (well you'll also need to sort out the rest of your finances too), first directly, or via mediation, and if that fails via a court application for a child arrangements order.

If your ex is planning on stopping you seeing your child long-term dont be surprised to see DV accusations surface at this point if you have to go to court, but she might be OK, who knows.

As you say your ex holds all the cards and it will be an uphill battle for you if she is that way inclined. As a guide it took me 18 months to secure a child arrangement order through the courts and cost me a lot of money, but it was worth it.

There are fathers forums such as separated dads which will be able to help you further.

Oh and don't waste your time thinking about how your ex has changed or blah blah blah or how to change or control the situation with her, just do what is right for you and the child.

It's not just men that get kicked out. I left because he changed the locks and packed me what he wanted me to pack. The kids (teens, eldest now 18) stayed cos much as I wanted to take them, even when I sorted somewhere to stay they chose him.Its not gender specific just one has to lose...