Soon to be ex husband tightening the screws... what can I do?

[PistachioQueen]

As soon as my NPD ex received the divorce letter from my solicitor, he started turning the screws on me. Refused to pay child’s private school fees (which come out of my bank account but he’s always given me the cash) and is now claiming to only be on £40k which I know he’s always done for tax avoidance purposes. He’s now more than halved the amount of money he gives me each week, has refused to help with any other costs for our child and is now telling me I need to pay the car insurance myself! The solicitor is working on a fixed fee basis so doesn’t want to get involved with any of this; is there anything I can do to get him to help with fees? Someone mentioned getting a forensic accountant to prove he’s earning more than £40k but a) I have no idea how much that would cost and b) he deals with cash/bank accounts in other peoples’ names and takes the cash out daily, so not sure how easy this would be to prove. Help please as I’m currently struggling financially, contracted into paying another term’s tuition fees (he’s now said he wants child to go to state school which I’m disappointed with but again, feel so helpless) as I’ve given notice recently, my cards are getting declined in Aldi and meanwhile, he’s constantly going on holiday, planning on his next flash car and living the life of Riley! I do work but my salary is so low and it’s currently all going on tuition fees! We don’t own any joint property so I’m unlikely to get any money from that, we’re back with my parents while trying to sort out this whole mess. Just feeling really desperate and alone now.

As in, that wouldn't be your solicitor's fault.

Just one other thing I didn't understand from your OP - 'he takes the cash out daily'. What cash? And from whom? And for what?

Oh and it goes without saying - save every single thing you have in writing from him. Every text, every email.

Well 40K is still a lot and you will still get Child Maintenance through CMS so do go for it. Take back his control, send a letter to the school with his contact details on it asking the school to contact him directly about the fees.
And pay for your own car insurance, do not argue over it, once less thing he can hold over you.

Btw I'll give you the reason I know about jointly and severally.

Myself and my ex rented a house and both signed the tenancy agreement.

My ex battered me and was barred from the house and 500 yards of me etc.

As he was contributing to the rent and I could only pay half the rent, I told the landlord that I would pay my half of the rent but that he'd have to pursue my ex for his half. Na-ha. Not how it works.

I've an old school friend and he said they will go after whoever has the money. As my ex no longer was living there (he had to move back to his parents), they pursued me for the whole of the rent. That's where jointly and severally comes in. They can pursue both or either one of you for the full amount. It's not that you're responsible for half. That's Irish law and I presume it's similar in the UK.

As it was I ended up liable for the whole of the rent, despite two names being on the lease. I was the one they pursued as I was the one living there. That he wasn't living there for reasons of grievous bodily harm to me escaped their empathy brain cells...

Should have said my old school friend is a solicitor.

But this is a case where it might work in your favour as in, if you've both signed the contract for the child's fees, they can pursue HIM for it solely.

cash & bank accounts in other peoples names & tax avoidance This is fraud

Omg OP he is clearly Money Laundering, how can you not see that?

So prior to him "tightening the screws you went along with his tax avoiding/illegal antics, and enjoyed the proceeds and now your lifestyle is changing you want to dob him in? - nice.

Wives of gangsters are usually the ones who end up dobbing them in....

@Thump As he has cards in numerous people’s names, he takes the maximum he can from the cash point each day and lives off the cash, thus minimising the paper trail. They each get £200 a month for having opened a bank account which he essentially controls. His wallet is full of bank cards in other people’s names!

@Livelaughloveyuk: I posted this thread for support and advice as to how I might ensure that my child is provided for. I would hardly describe having a second hand leased car and living in housing association accommodation as “enjoying the proceeds” - and this was during the so-called height of our marriage! My main concern now is that he is suddenly pretending to ME that he can no longer afford private school and even recently refused to buy new clothes or shoes for our daughter, as I explained that my card was being declined in Aldi while he jetted off on one of many holidays he’s enjoyed this year. I have never lived a particularly lavish lifestyle with him, he helped me with some bills and paid for our daughter’s schooling/extra curricular activities which was enough for me. Now he is cutting back on all of that, I am of course coming to terms with the fact that she will have to attend a state school (change of school worries me more than anything) and money will be tight, but the main advice seems to be to report him to HMRC as with a proper salary assessment, I could perhaps get more appropriate maintenance for our child.

@WomanLikeMeLM I can see now that this is fraud, although confused as to how an accountant could be in on this and make it look legal. I’m sure if he ever got picked up by the police, he’d be in a ton of trouble over all the cards in other people’s names in his wallet, but somehow he’s been doing this for years and getting away with it. I’m just glad I never gave in to his demands for me to open an account in my name for him. He always said he’d give me more money if I did, but something about it just didn’t sit right with me. The way he’s turning on me now, he’d prob end up racking a ton of debts on said account and leaving me to pay those off on my own as well!

Have you tried ringing the fraud team anonymously? Just sound them out?

He’s a fraudster. You are well rid. Didn’t any alarm bells ring when he was doing this? Who are these people he’s using?

post it over social media, I'm seeing this more often these days, and about time.
Ex taking kids out of school, refusing fees, lying about income and not financially supporting child.
What have you got to lose, let everyone know including your child.
"Sorry love, you have to leave, Dad has the money but wants you to move to state school"
Tell ex to justify it to dc along with the rest of his high spending.

Go after his pension, any assets held in his name.
If he is a director in a company does it hold profits in his name...
He has to declaire any property he owns...
Cars in his name...
.oh and a judge did use Facebook to prove a man had more money than he said

Try and get yourself in the best position you can, he sounds very dodgy. Your dd does not need private school, dance lessons or swimming lessons. I took my ds swimming every week and he taught himself (I am not much of a swi.mmer but confident In the water,) it had the bonus of him loving the one on one time we had doing it

He sounds dodgy as hell
Tbh it’s good you’re out of it as all that stuff he could pay for was a deck of cards that could topple with a report / investigation

Oh, now awful mixing with all the hoi polloi at state school who pay their taxes and follow the law.

@NotBeingRobbed I went to a state school myself so have no issue with that. As I’ve said, my main concern was the change to my daughter’s routine and of course she will be upset having to leave her friends and the teachers that she loves. Even with him refusing to help out with money for new shoes (I also suggested he could buy them himself if he didn’t want to give me the money) or clothes is upsetting as he clearly doesn’t care about using our child to “punish” me for finally making the decision to divorce him. He’d have quite happily carried on like this for years, with us living in a shared room at my parents while he drops in once a week and chucks a bit of cash at us! The money was never quite enough to pay off significant amount of debts or put towards renting somewhere and he would always stop payments whenever we had an argument, sometimes leaving me high and dry for as many as 7 weeks on end!
The people he is using are family members, neighbours and cleaners as well as their relatives. They open a bank account for him and get £200 a month “for doing nothing.” He has access to online banking etc and the card (in their names), then lives off the cash so there isn’t a paper trail. He always reassured me it was legit and that “lots of self-employed people do this.” He would harp on about how decent/law-abiding his accountant is and that he’d never be complicit to anything dodgy. When I met him, he drove an old Seat and wore battered t shirts from Tesco. I slowly started seeing the true extent of his wealth when he upgraded to a sports car and started wearing bespoke designer suits and £400 shoes to parents evening at the school while I’d be standing there in my Primark outfit!

@Paramicha Social media blasting sounds like great fun! He removed himself from social media sometime ago (I suspect multiple affairs on top of everything else so this may have been damage limitation on his part!) and he doesn’t really have any friends! He always claimed he was too busy to maintain friendships but I’ve only recently discovered that the few so-called friends he claimed to have couldn’t stand his bragging about how much money he had! Wedding day he only had ONE friend turn up! He later claimed I was jealous of all his friends; what friends?!

@mummmy2017 He doesn’t have a pension as he always said that his properties would fund his retirement, but he does own multiple properties and has perhaps bought more recently that I don’t know about. I’m sure he will try to avoid declaring these during divorce process.

@MarshaBradyo I’ve always thought this too but he seems to have gotten away with it for years now and is confident that it’s all legal, as his accountant is in on it too! Pretty sure he must have a dodgy accountant!

@Penguincity That’s amazing that your son taught himself to swim! I’m not a strong swimmer myself and find the local swimming baths make my skin itch for days but perhaps my dad could take her swimming once a week so she can keep up the practice.

I am so saddened by this .Its too late now but that’s why it takes years of careful planning for some before they file for divorce.Ducks in a row ...

Regarding the school move, I have seen a few kids move to state school after a few years at private and there were no issues at all. At that age they are still forming new friendships etc. Re the school fees I would stop paying these if they are also in his name. Let him deal with the school. Also, make sure you are claiming your child support and getting the minimum you can from that, regardless of whether you agree with his income. Then find a new solicitor, ideally one recommend from someone (ask on the legal board for any specific recommendations maybe).

I’d report him to the police for money laundering, it will get picked up by them and they can investigate. Don’t involve them in the emotional aspect keep it simple that Mr X has opened banks accounts in numerous people’s name and is moving money through them. The person whose account the money goes through receives X amount of money at the end of the money and Mr X then withdraws the cash so as not to have a paper trail.
I’ve copied a link from the Yorkshire evening post.... teenagers are targeted by criminals, This sounds like what your ex is doing to be honest ;
www.yorkshireeveningpost.co.uk/news/crime/scammers-offering-yorkshire-teenagers-free-cash-to-launder-money-through-their-accounts-1-9888202

@PistachioQueen google squaring and money laundering as well