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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

What has your ex done out of spite just to piss you off?

102 replies

joliejoleen · 05/05/2019 10:22

Mine has decided that he will be seeing each of his children separately - as in one DS this Friday and the other DS next Friday. This is to make sure that I NEVER have a moment to myself as my ex can't stand the idea of me being with someone else 🙄
Anyone else with a seeyounexttuesday ex?

OP posts:
joliejoleen · 06/05/2019 15:11

I absolutely cannot believe some of the things that you all went through. I have tears in my eyes... who raises vile men like that?!

OP posts:
flameycakes · 06/05/2019 15:15

Breathing

flitwit99 · 06/05/2019 15:28

CaptainJaneway62

You are amazing.

cricketmum84 · 06/05/2019 15:49

@CaptainJaneway62 I have no words. I don't say things like this as a rule but thank f** he's gone!

You are such an inspiration for the way you picked yourself up and rose above and beyond anyone's expectations. Massive respect.

CaptainJaneway62 · 06/05/2019 20:22

Thank you so much for the lovely comments people. They have had me in tears. I don't think I realised just how strong I was back then.

@Cricketmum84 I have to admit that I felt exactly the same!

HRMumness · 06/05/2019 21:44

Mine has refused to tell me when he would be back from his trip to the states for work until the day before he flew out. He extended it so he would miss two weekends with our children (he takes them on Friday night only). Then he was angry that I wouldn’t let him see them late Sunday. Our youngest now has terrible separation anxiety and is refusing to go into nursery most days.
He also wants to pick and choose what dates he gets over the May half term because he has a trip planned with the OW. We have only been separated since February and he moved back in late March before moving back out. Don’t let the dust settle or anything Angry

joliejoleen · 06/05/2019 22:19

Omg 😱

OP posts:
OhamIreally · 06/05/2019 23:49

Mine refused to re-bury the family cat deeper in the garden after foxes kept digging him up. I reburied the cat twice but could not dig a hole deep enough no matter how I tried.

When I finally had to put the dug up bones of our much loved family pet in the bin I swore I would never ask that bastard for another thing.

Aimily · 06/05/2019 23:58

Mine defaulted on payments for a storage container we shared after we got rid of our home, I transferred him half the money every month but he started to get nasty, I went down there with my dad to take my stuff out and hand over the keys. While doing this the manager told me some invoices were owed and was refusing to let us leave.

I was lucky for 2 reasons that day, I had my dad with me, he's given me a good backbone, but helped me stand my ground and it was all in ex's name, I was just listed as a key holder, so they couldn't demand a penny from me...

wobytide · 07/05/2019 10:04

Prioritised money over my access to the kids

TixieLix · 07/05/2019 10:55

Totally in awe of the women who have posted on this thread. That you have suffered so much and still come out the other side with your heads held high....true respect to you all. Hell with have many seats reserved for these vile bastards when their time comes!

Therailone85 · 07/05/2019 11:03

I think mine just see me coming!

Ex husband was emotional abusive, and still is. List of many things.....He allowed me to go see my sister overseas, when we had just split. Whilst I was away, he trashed my house, placed mouldy and dirty pots pans etc (don't even know where he got them from) all over the home, clothes, toys, etc all over floors, sides, stairs, etc and telephoned social services and told them I had left the children, and the house in that state.

When moving out of home, he took everything, even the lock off the garden gate.

Financially abused me after marriage had ended, made me split all money with him, including child benefit and tax credits. I had to see him weekly to draw the money out and give it to him.

Refused to let me see disabled son for three months, due to plates and pins being placed in ankle, had to get social services, and a letter off an occupational therapist to write me a letter that seeing as people with severe disabilities are able to parent their child, just because I needed 18 months worth of treatment, I wasn't deemed unfit.

Emotionally abused daughter, who now lives full time with me, still withholding child benefit number and won't give it to me, as she may come back. She won't, and has told him endlessly, even though every visit she chooses to make, or txt message sent is a guilt trip for her.

Told my children at the ages of 4 and 2 that our marriage ended and I had an affair.

Our son has a life limiting illness and has required multiple life threatening operations, everytime discusses what will he do if he dies, what money he would lose, and how he would have to go back to work.

Five years ago, got into a relationship, and has now remarried. He messaged our self harming, emotionally unstable 12 year old daughter, on mother's day, and was shitty with her because she hadn't txt his wife to see if she had a nice mother's day. (I fully appreciate she chose the role as a step mum, however hasn't any children) and one of the main reasons why our daughter has chosen not to live with them both anymore, is that they are both emotionally abusive.

Stated to daughter when she chose to live with me full time, well don't think I'll be seeing you every other weekend, as I still need a life. Have you even thought about the effect of you doing this, will have on your disabled brother, and finally well your mum will probably take your brother off me now, so may aswell move away with stepmum and start a new life.

Started work full time two years ago, and told the children the day before, he had joint custody and the children didn't cope with the extreme change of seeing their dad so often, to barely seeing them.

Hasn't paid a penny in child maintenance, and believes he really doesn't have too, even though if I make a claim, I would be entitled to over £200 a month.

Makes the children strip out of my clothes and shoes as soon as they walk in his house, and then sends them back in dirty, too small for them clothes.

Does not see what he is doing to our daughter, and thinks she has something wrong with her.

Ex partner never even raised his voice in an argument, but when we split, due to a secret drug addiction I knew nothing about until the end, stole my tv, smashed my house up repeatedly, stalked and harrased me for months, stole my handbag and fractured my ribs in the process, put windows through in house. Emotionally and physically abused me for months, eventually was caught by police (skipped bail twice) and received restraining order and suspended sentence.

Happily married now....yet unfortunately still have to deal with exhusband. Am not the same person I was many years ago and he hates the fact he cannot manipulate me anymore.

When I have written just a snippet of what the past held, it hits home, how far I've come. Im sorry to all OP who have had to deal with their own battles caused by someone else.

NotAlwaysRight · 07/05/2019 12:30

I was so desperate to get away from my ex H that I agreed to is request to take all the photos stored together in one big box and if we didn't get back together, then and only then, sorting the out and giving me all of mine.

When we divorce and I asked for my photos because they were my all of childhood, young adulthood, first job as a nurse in uniform, first puppy, first holiday abroad, now deceased grandparents..., everything.

But he had destroyed them all.

NotAlwaysRight · 07/05/2019 16:59

To be fair I don't know if he did it just to piss me off, he might just not be a very nice person and didn't care whether I was pissed off or not, but wasn't prepared to see the value of a lifetime worth of photos despite always saying its the photos he'd grab in a house fire!

blueangel1 · 09/05/2019 18:29

@NotAlwaysRight DP's ex took all the family photos. He has just one of his oldest son that he managed to rescue. She also took thousands of pounds worth of his building tools (which she can't use!) so that he would have to replace them. There's much more but it would take me all night to list all the shitty things she's done.

BringMeAGinandTonic · 10/05/2019 03:59

@captainjaneway62 I too think you are strong and so brave! You are an inspiration. To think there are days when I don't feel like doing this or that and you went to earn that certification despite what he had done. You kept going! I am just shaking my head in amazement at how awesome that is and the strength that took.

Flowers
DoctorDread · 10/05/2019 07:39

My ExH reported me to social services based on a load of crap my exP of 7 years wrote to him. All false allegations of all sorts of crap (drug dealing, alcoholism, drink driving and causing accidents etc) none of it true. I knew the letter was coming as exP wrote to me threatening to do this. I warned ExH to be on his guard and to take no notice as it was vindictive bullshit. ExH reported me to social services anyway. They weren't remotely interested as they knew of exP's shenanigans and had already been aware if his previous abuse. So a double whammy from two exes in one hit there! Also ExH has been hiding his increase in earnings and now won't talk to me about increasing maintenance! The good news is exP was convicted of harassment as a result of his letter!

CaptainJaneway62 · 11/05/2019 01:55

@BringMeAGinandTonic
Thank you So much of your lovely comments it really means a lot to me Flowers

Gingerkittykat · 11/05/2019 02:20

Phoned tax credits when my DD moved from school to college aged 15 because she was bullied at school. It was a non advanced course so was still entitled to CB etc. He told them she had left education. They stopped all my tax credits for 12 weeks while I had to run around getting copies of attendance etc from the college and spend hours on the phone to their fraud line.

His efforts to not pay maintenance included working cash in hand for years, but finally got a DOE order for all of the arrears.

Told my DD I have schizophrenia by showing her a Wiki page talking about how schizophrenics kill people. I don't have schizophrenia, I have bipolar.

Told DD I only wanted her for the maintenance and child benefit.

Told me he would pay half for a school trip, the day before the money was due he told me he couldn't afford it. Later found out he went away that weekend with his current GF.

That man has caused so much damage, DD eventually saw through his lies but is now in therapy to deal with it all.

joliejoleen · 11/05/2019 09:53

I can't believe some of the things you all had to endure. FlowersBrew for being so strong.

OP posts:
rainbowlou · 11/05/2019 10:01

Hid the video tapes (I’m old!) of my dd from the day she was born until she was about 3..I asked repeatedly to have them to get copies and he kept telling me he couldn’t remember where they were.
He also took a huge blanket box filled with all sorts i’d kept from my childhood, photos, school books, postcards, toys etc to the dump.
This was a long time ago and I could still cry over it.

AuntieMarys · 11/05/2019 10:05

Told my dd she was worthless and ugly just like her mum. And he wonders why she hates him.

Gingerkittykat · 11/05/2019 12:34

@AuntieMarys Flowers for you and your daughter

nrpmum · 11/05/2019 12:47

Many, many things. Worst was when he made a false allegations to my work and got me suspended.

C0untDucku1a · 11/05/2019 12:54

One emptied our joint bank account and took it into the overdraft by £500. He felt entitled to half the overdraft. Before he emigrated. I went into the bank and saw it and i was taken into a room while thy phoned him and said theyd noticed this and were putting a stop on the account etc. They Pretended theyd had no contact with me even though i was sat in front on them.

Children’s father agreed to pay half of the school uniform for eldest when she started reception. He wasnt paying maintenance at all at this point. I went to the uniform shop, got all the uniform, had it put to oneside and paid half. I also got a discount on it all as i worked there as a teen! So a good deal. I asked him repeatedly. He said he was going for it. He yelled he was going to get it. He didnt. The konday of the first week of school comes and dd had nonunirome. thankfully i knew he was a dickhead and had a back up uniform, and then went and paid for the other half.

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