Need advice please

[Bitscared19]

Hi, I changed names for this. I am planning on separating from my DH in the next few weeks. Things had been really bad for a while and then he realised I might be planning on separating a few weeks ago so he has restricted access to money for me. He hasn’t completely cut me off but he has removed my access to all savings in his name (don’t have any in mine as they were all recently spent on something, we knew he would be getting a large bonus days later). I have reason to think he has moved it with a view to trying to make sure I never have any of it. In the meantime he wants us to fix things but I don’t, says the money restriction is temporary as he doesn’t trust me, ie is expecting I will ask to separate. There is a bigger back story I don’t feel able to share right now, hope that is ok? Sorry.

Am seeing a solicitor soon but wondered, in the meantime, what paperwork should I try to get hold of? I’ve hidden the children’s passports and birth certificates at a friend’s house (I don’t think he would do anything like that but he is from overseas and I don’t want to take chances). Please can you tell me what paperwork I should be looking for? Thanks so much.

Just gather as much information as you can on his financial position. Down the road when you have to fill up a From E he will have to produce bank statements so any money being moved around should get spotted.

If you can photocopy bank statements and withdraw money eg cash back at supermarket in a way not to arouse suspicion.

A solicitor told me that it’s standard practice to request a years worth of bank/savings statements & any large or regular transfers will be questioned.

Ok, thank you so much for your help

Photocopy or print copies of everything! Bank statements, mortgage statements, credit card statements, marriage certificate etc. I did this before l split with my ex, l guessed he wouldn’t play fair and he didn’t. Totally tried to rip me off. The restricting your access to money is enough to split with him l think

Everything. I'm 3 years down the road from a similar situation. If he's doing that now you have a lot ahead of you.

Everything.

Did you hear me?

Everything.

Thanks Ohio, this is what I’m scared of. I’ll make a start today digging through. I’m exhausted just thinking about the journey ahead...

And yes EL888, I think you’re right. He’s never done anything abusive until he realised I was thinking of leaving. Then something occurred. I spoke off the record to someone I know who works with DA victims who said that, even with men who have never been like that before, having their wife leave can trigger abusive behaviours and tat if he did one thing, it could continue in other forms. I think the financial side of things is where he has gone to because it’s all he has.

One point to mention is no CMS if he lives abroad . So you cannot force maintenance payments unless you go the REMO route which is very expensive.

My parents divorced in 1972
This is the advice my dad gave me, that his solicitor gave him:
Go back, 'reconcile' gather all and every piece of paperwork and proof you can then file for divorce when you're ducks are in a row!
If yours wants to fix things and you feel you can, then do this- he would and has ......look at the saving situation!
Not telling or advising anything, just putting it out there!

Hi Bitscared - I am not surprised you are scared, the fear of the unknown is always traumatic. I am a divorce mentor and coach and if you would like to have a conversation with me (free of charge) I am able to give you some advice on the process and what you need to consider before making that first step. Please look at my website jwdivorcesupport.co.uk and send me an email or call me. You need to understand what is involved before you do anything. Julie Wilson

@Julieannewilson6 that’s a lovely thing to do x

Thank you. Women still get a raw deal when divorcing despite the law and what one may be entitled to it never reaches our expectations. It is imperative to know the process and to complete the Form E correctly as this paves the way for the financial settlement you want to achieve and your justification for this. Solicitors are there to give legal advice and not the emotional or practical support. My knowledge and experience as to how a partner can behave is beyond belief at times so good to have all your resources and what you want set out before you even start. Julie