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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

What is ‘reasonable’ financial settlement in my case? Advice please!

101 replies

ThunderThighs123 · 03/03/2019 12:00

I really need advice about what is reasonable when negotiating a financial settlement with my STBXH. I have always earned much more than him, and am worried that I’ll be taken advantage of if I don’t have a clear starting position.

Solicitor says we should come to an agreement between ourselves, but I’m not really sure what is reasonable or not. Are Citizens Advice worth speaking to?

Here’s some background— thanks for staying with it!

I am a professional earning a decent salary, while my STBXH is on minimum wage. I have full custody of our primary aged son, whom he sees twice a week and alternate weekends. We both work full-time. Other than maternity leave, I have always worked full-time and paid the lion’s share of everything.

I have always been the main breadwinner, and am currently in the marital home, paying utilities and mortgage. He is still contributing half the mortgage and half of some insurances. He does not pay maintenance, nor have I asked him to, mainly to avoid him threatening to return to the house.

He has already told me that he wants 50% of everything, including the house, the furniture, my pension (20 years teacher’s, so quite good) and my savings (he has none). He is also demanding maintenance. Google says he’s entitled to this, apparently(!!). I am staggered.

Can any of you point me in the right direction, please? Any supportive comments welcome. X

OP posts:
Everytimeref · 03/03/2019 19:40

If they hadn't married then pensions would be out of the equation but once married all assets considered joint and the relationship will be considered long as the cohabitation will count.

RippleEffects · 03/03/2019 19:48

Even though his pension is smaller don't forget to offset this against his claim on yours.

MissedTheBoatAgain · 04/03/2019 01:06

To OP

Every case is different. So be wary about comparing to other people's divorces.

Courts are required to order a clean break if there is sufficient capital to go round. Key thing to remember is that the courts have to take into account the NEEDS of both partners, but at same time to ensure that any children are catered for.

Your case is unusual in that you are both the Main Carer and the Higher earner. If the mortgage has been shared equally then some might say the house split should be 50:50. However, the courts might award your ex a higher amount to reflect you are the higher earner and have larger pension? The counter argument is that as you have a child to look after it should be equal.

As you will be the main carer your ex will have to pay child maintenance even though he is the lower earner. However, if there is a huge difference between what you earn he may be able to seek Spousal Maintenance.

Good luck. Whatever happens try and settle amicably as once the Courts become involved costs can spiral out of control rapidly.

NotBeingRobbed · 04/03/2019 09:45

OP - your case is not so unusual. I am in the same boat, higher earner, mum with kids to support (100% of the time) and let me tell you I am being royally screwed by the legal system. Be careful. Be afraid. I do wish people would stop perpetuating the myth that it is unusual for the woman to be the higher earner. It’s not the 1950s and we have been allowed into the workplace for rather a long time now.

A system that urges you to accept an unfair deal rather than pay the costs of court is utterly broken.

wobytide · 04/03/2019 10:07

Some of the advice on this thread is astounding. See a solicitor(another one if you aren't happy with the first one) but take a lot of what people are posting here with a pinch of salt

MissedTheBoatAgain · 04/03/2019 11:57

but take a lot of what people are posting here with a pinch of salt

Particularly from NBR

Original poster
ThunderThighs123 · 04/03/2019 13:48

Thank you all for the good advice. I will certainly consult a solicitor and hopefully let them deal with all the intricacies. It’s been so useful to get your input, however varied. I just need some clarity and hope for my financial future. NotBeingRobbed -hope you get a settlement which is fair in the end. One of the posts on this thread pointed out that the judge makes the final decision on fairness, so you should get a decent deal in the end. Best wishes. X

OP posts:
NotBeingRobbed · 04/03/2019 14:37

I’m not making up what happens to me. I have made the best offer that a court would accept. Next step will be court and another £20k of costs to escape from this nightmare.

MissedTheBoatAgain · 05/03/2019 00:53

One of the posts on this thread pointed out that the judge makes the final decision on fairness, so you should get a decent deal in the end

Not always a certainty. Courts are overloaded. FDR's in particular are a waste of time as they are booked at 3 per hour!

Even Final Hearings that are booked for 1.5 days or more may produce odd results. Worst case scenario is that Judge makes an order that neither partner wants. Can be appealed, but that is more money to find.

To NBR

Is the £20K for the Final Hearing? I can believe it as mine 3 years ago was about £15K. I will never understand how my Ex could not work out the more spent on Legal costs the less there would be available at the end to share out?

Monty27 · 05/03/2019 02:31

OP agree to have the house and no maintenance. Because he will probably never pay up. I gave exh half the equity by remortgaging but I never got the maintenance. He was self employed and a dodgy twat. I couldn't afford financially nor mentally to pursue it. I survived though.
Think carefully Flowers

MissedTheBoatAgain · 05/03/2019 02:58

To Monty27

If OP has higher earnings and larger pension than her Ex I can't see the courts, or even Ex's solicitor, agreeing that OP keeps 100% of the house, particularly if he has being paying half the mortgage.

As for maintenance it is the Ex, as opposed to the OP, that is seeking maintenance. If OP was to receive 100% of the house that would strengthen his argument for maintenance from the OP in my view. Remember the Ex has to have a roof over his head too.

Child maintenance is statutory. So the NRP will have to pay the RP even if RP does earn more. Certainly could not play the card that Child Maintenance can be offset for larger share of house.

Maintenance and Self Employed does seem to be an issue and CMS struggle. Easy for those who are Self Employed to under declare their earnings, control what they pay themselves and possibly include personal expenditure in their accounts?

Monty27 · 05/03/2019 03:07

So did I on honest paper. Hence paying him off. But I thought wrongly that exh would support his DC's. He is now domiciled abroad on that money.
The only sensible thing I did was to tell my barrister not to mention pensions. Need I say more.

MissedTheBoatAgain · 05/03/2019 03:12

tell my barrister not to mention pensions

Pensions are meant to be on the Form E. Surprised that your Barrister presented what they knew to be a lie. If you had declared the pension maybe the house would not have been split 50:50?

Not in favour of two wrongs make a right, but some might say that as you hid pension details you got what you deserved?

Monty27 · 05/03/2019 04:21

It wasn't a lie. Pension weren't mentioned.

Monty27 · 05/03/2019 04:30

His was rubbish mine was good. His own barrister didn't mention them either. As for the e form I was always 100% upfront. Exhs own barrister didn't mention them either.
Don't ever question my integrity missed the boat.
This is not the first time I've come across you on here either.
Do you really think you know everything about everything? No I didn't think so either Biscuit

MissedTheBoatAgain · 05/03/2019 05:05

If both Pensions were declared on Form E, but one was way better than the other and not mentioned then maybe your ExH had always planned to move abroad knowing that what he possibly lost on pension would be balanced what he is able to evade in maintenance? If something looks too good to be true it usually is.

If you know where Ex lives abroad you may be able to get some maintenance through the REMO system?

The only sensible thing I did was to tell my barrister not to mention pensions

and

Don't ever question my integrity

Contradictory statements I think.

Monty27 · 05/03/2019 05:34

No! Wrong again. He was claiming that his new gf was having a baby not
Anyhoo I cba to share any more info with you.
You are, after all, not the OP.

MissedTheBoatAgain · 05/03/2019 05:51

He was claiming that his new gf was having a baby

That does not relieve him from paying maintenance for the Children he had with you.

Monty27 · 05/03/2019 06:18

Well I never! Thanks for your input keep your judgements to yourself in future
Meanwhile, OP sorry about your thread derailment.

NotBeingRobbed · 05/03/2019 08:17

Ah yes @MissedTheBoatAgain usually lurks under the bridge waiting for the little goats to cross. He is getting very annoying these days.

Fishwifecalling · 05/03/2019 08:36

Hopefully you can come to a compromise that you are both relatively happy with rather than losing thousands paying legal fees.

MissedTheBoatAgain · 05/03/2019 08:55

Hopefully you can come to a compromise that you are both relatively happy with rather than losing thousands paying legal fees

Me too as I have experienced how silly legal fees can become if one or both are determined to destroy the other partner.

lurks under the bridge waiting for the little goats to cross

Trip trap trip trap

Monty27 · 07/03/2019 00:28

@NotBeingRobbed
I was disappointed it ran so fast to the other side. Grin

Pinkpanthershow · 10/03/2019 19:26

I am also the higher earner and the main carer. Not so unusual these days, and it is on the increase. The divorce laws don’t deal with this situation effectively.

NotBeingRobbed · 10/03/2019 19:49

Too right @pinkpanthershow.