What is ‘reasonable’ financial settlement in my case? Advice please!

[ThunderThighs123]

I really need advice about what is reasonable when negotiating a financial settlement with my STBXH. I have always earned much more than him, and am worried that I’ll be taken advantage of if I don’t have a clear starting position.

Solicitor says we should come to an agreement between ourselves, but I’m not really sure what is reasonable or not. Are Citizens Advice worth speaking to?

Here’s some background— thanks for staying with it!

I am a professional earning a decent salary, while my STBXH is on minimum wage. I have full custody of our primary aged son, whom he sees twice a week and alternate weekends. We both work full-time. Other than maternity leave, I have always worked full-time and paid the lion’s share of everything.

I have always been the main breadwinner, and am currently in the marital home, paying utilities and mortgage. He is still contributing half the mortgage and half of some insurances. He does not pay maintenance, nor have I asked him to, mainly to avoid him threatening to return to the house.

He has already told me that he wants 50% of everything, including the house, the furniture, my pension (20 years teacher’s, so quite good) and my savings (he has none). He is also demanding maintenance. Google says he’s entitled to this, apparently(!!). I am staggered.

Can any of you point me in the right direction, please? Any supportive comments welcome. X

• unreasonable share.

Your solicitor should certainly be providing guidance on what they believe a fair settlement would be. Starting point is 50/50 but sounds like he has more need for cash now, rather than a share of a pension he can't touch for 20? years, so you if you'd rather hang onto your pension you may offset house equity for pension share, although they are not equal. eg. Trade his £100k share in your pension for an extra £25k from the house. (If he has a pension that also needs to go into the the "pot" of joint assets). Look for a clean break settlement (he'd be unlikely to get maintenance anyway as he has the capacity to increase his earnings). Put child maintenance to one side as that is irrelevant to the divorce financial settlement. Go to www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance to work out what he should be paying as the non resident parent.

Try www.resolution.org.uk/findamember/ for solicitors who practice a constructive non confrontational approach to family law matters.

Find her, if you trusted her.
Just search her name

TinManc - sounds like a very good plan. His need now is much more pressing as he is living with family and must want to regain his independence (I assume - he’s very tight-lipped at the mo). Could be the leverage I need.

EverytimeRef - agree my pension pot is pretty healthy and is a significant asset. Glad to be reminded that a judge would still provide an objective final check before anything was finalised. Sale or division of house would give him a healthy deposit, but it’s not going to leave either of us particularly flush.

TicManc and Mummy2017 - thanks for solicitor tips. I’ll search now.

Found her!

Foes he have zero pension provision?

TinManc - my solicitor did the child maintenance calculation pretty early on. It would be miniscule, which is why I haven’t pursued it. I also think it gives him the feeling that he’s getting away with something, so is hopefully more amenable. Naive?!

Nah, he's entitled to half of what came into thr marriage during the marriage. So five or seven years depending on how you count it

Spousal maintenance is now very very rare, and is usually for long marriages where the poorer spouse cannot be reasonably expected to support themselves without undue hardship.

That's not this guy and he's not entitled. Get a lawyer ASAP and start putting your communications via them.

RandomMess - he’s only got the very basic work and state pensions, so unequal to mine.

Bluntness100 - thanks. Am relieved to hear that about spousal support. Waiting for decree nisi and then we’ll launch into the financial negotiations.

He still has some private pension though which does count towards his share of the pot!

I don't think you should be looking to settle via mediation. I think you need a shit hot lawyer who can push for a settlement that takes into account that his lower pay and savings are not a result of extra time put in to other family work (e.g. presumably he is also full time and has access to pension plans etc, but is just in a lower paid role?). This is backed up by the fact that you both agree that you will continue to be the primary carer for your DC. Also, did you enter the marriage with substantially different amounts of savings?

Then don't mention child support till all the paperwork is done..
Just remember if he is on £300 a week.. that would be £31 a week or. £1600 a year..
Now think over 10 years that is £16000, it sure helps to off set the money he took out if your pension...

MotherofDragonite - yes, we entered the marriage on an unequal financial footing. I brought my savings and higher salary with me. Won’t bore you with the details — usual case of wishful thinking on my part that things would get better, blah blah blah - but I created plenty of opportunities for him to retrain, etc. You can bring a horse to water...!
Reading that back to myself makes me realise how much rubbish we put up with in the name of domestic harmony. Why do we do it?!

mummy2017 - remind me never to play you at poker!! You’re a canny lass!

And child support will increase if he finds a better job, but put it to one side for now if it helps, you can always make a claim post settlement.

Good point, TinManc.

I must say, I’m feeling better about this already. Thank you all so much! Many heads really are much better than one poorly informed one (mine!).

Xxx

If you start at 50/50. You have no where to go .
So start high and just come down to want you want.

Oh and you can claim he only gets a 1/6 if pension...
Your pension 21 years.
Married 7 years. .
1/3 shared... Last 7 years only... So 1/6...
Always worth telling him you will fight for your money.

Good ideas, mummy2017. I must combat my doormat tendencies. X

Actually any co habituation that's leads into marriage will be considered so your relationship would be 20 year not the 7 years of marriage. This would then be considered a long marriage and "the each take what they bring to the pot" argument wouldn't be valid.

But he might not know that...

Think I’m starting to see it’s all smoke and mirrors with this stuff.

Like some posters have mentioned your ex will be entitled to part of your pension.

You'd want your DC to have the same quality of life while staying at theirs dads don't you? So 50:50 split of assets and cash as a starting point I'm afraid!

Everytime, no the rules were never changed pensions are time married.
Even after 50 years a common law has no rights to the pension. Unless the partner names them. It is a dodgie area in law