Maintenance payments

[nessynessy]

Hi, I have been divorced for 2 years and separated quite some time before that. My children are 8 and 11, they spend 4 nights a week with me and 3 with their Dad. Up until November the ex and I earnt very similar amounts so we have always paid half and half for all child- related stuff and never had any issues. However he recently retired from his long-term job and received a large payout (some of which I got as part of the divorce settlement). He now has a new job so is receiving a wage on top of his monthly pension payments. In short his monthly income is roughly twice what I receive. On the back of this I feel he should contribute more than half to the childcare costs. He can be quite a bully and will no doubt kick off when I suggest this so I was wondering what thoughts anyone else had on the matter? TIA X

Do a calculation using the CMS online calculator. Does it indicate he has to pay more than what he is paying? If so use that to get more money out of him.

I have done that and according to the calculator he should be paying me more than he does. However if I go down this route it will cause huge ruptions and I don’t want this to have a negative effect on the children. At the moment we generally get on well. My other worry is that he will then announce he wants the children more nights because this will reduce any payments he makes and I don’t relish fighting over that. The 3 nights a week is something we have done for the past 4 years and he has never had an issue with it but i’m sure if it meant him paying more then he would suddenly decide he wants them more!!

It really comes down to how much do you need it, versus the stress of fighting for it unfortunately. Ultimately, yes, of course he should offer a higher contribution, if his income has significantly increased, but for me, and this is only my option, not a blanket opinion, I wouldn't because having at least a half arsed pleasant co parenting relationship, when I haven't change financially my circumstances and have always coped, would be preferable. But I'd say you have to decide what is in you and your children's best interests

Oh ffs just let him know what he should be paying via CMS and if he doesn't agree to pay raise a case with them. Do it in writing.

If he takes you to court as a result of this for 50-50, simply tell them he is doing it for financial reasons not in the best interests of the children, citing any exchange you have with him.

Stop getting walked all over.

You don’t get anything for childcare. Just maintenance. The courts are old fashioned on this. They think you child can be supported on a pretty small sum and if it costs you money to go to work that’s your own misfortune. Unless anyone knows different?

I am sole carer and resident parent (mum). It costs me childcare money to go to work. But all I can get is child support. On top of that I will have to pay my Stbex a large settlement sum to go away.

Apologies, I was using ‘childcare’ as a general term for the costs of the children, ie the maintenance.