When finally get over him ??

[Layniboggs123]

Hi stbxh split over 12months ago due to him having an affair, they are still together now and he sees our DS regular . I started to enjoy the single life doing things me n ds holidays ect and defiantly don't want him back. I just can't stop thinking about him n how it was when days were good feel like I've taken 100 steps back anyone else been like this ?

Yes, I know what you mean. I tend to minimise the reality of it, until I look back thru my journal...

Hugs to you

I've been separated almost ten weeks and daily I am still crucified by knowing that my ex remained with me for over two years, had a baby with me and bought a house with me but was off chasing other women at work - even though he denies this. Recently a hotel company wrote to his "very good friend at work" at my house (clearly used his card and her name stupidly!) and I didn't leave my bed for two days as it upset me so much. He now feels he should get spousal maintenance from me as I am a higher earner despite me now being a single parent to four children and living on four hours sleep a night to keep my job! Its really hard because they just don't see the damage they leave behind. I've started counselling - this could help you? We're working on my self esteem so that I can learn to accept that in the long term I'm better off without him. Big hugs x

You need to convince yourselves you’re better off without these losers. You see how they are really behaving - you need to let go of the illusion from the past and face up to the fact that these men are exploiting you and don’t give a damn. That’s tough. Then you can move on.

Thanks guys better day today feeling positive xx

After I left my ex husband I wrote in a notebook all the negative memories (he was abusive so it’s a tough read) and when I was feeling weak I would open that notebook and read a page or 2 randomly and it would remind me of how shit life was and how utterly worthless he made me feel. Maybe try writing all the negatives and your feelings down. Keep it to read at some later point.

I moved out 14 weeks ago. I had wanted to leave for 2 years. It was an abusive relationship. I still miss him. And like you I feel I've taken so many steps back.

It's hard isn't It

Love mumsnet great support and loads of advise to get me back on track

Make a list of all his bad points and read it