Who should the child live with?

[Lostinheaven]

Hi,

I’m interested in everyone’s opinion on who the children should live with after divorce/separation. My son currently spends half his time with me and half with his dad. I don’t feel this is working as he asks why he has to go stay there and when asking why he doesn’t want to go he says he doesn’t know (usually his go to if he thinks he’s getting into trouble for something). I am wondering what you’re opinions are, should I still force him to go or not? I feel it’s to much for him.
TIA.

[PearsOfWisdom]

All these fathers advocating for 50:50. I’d love to know how many of them were doing half the parenting and housework before the split.

My guess is very few. Otherwise some of the divorces wouldn’t have happened.

And I’d also like to know how many of those who get the 50:50 actually care for the children themselves and don’t sub contract it to their mother or their new Female partner. So many step mums on MN complaining about being left to do everything .

[Ss770640]

@pearl

That's sexism.

Many fathers are hands on. They are also the ones who provide the most financially.

Families are team efforts and children require both parents not excluding bad parenting or abuse of some kind.

[Drawtheline14]

Ss770640

I don’t think she meant it like that at all, I think she was just stating that if they weren’t ‘hands on’ why would that be any different when they are separated. I know so many fathers that I know fob that kids off to baby sitters in their time so why shouldn’t that time be spent with the mother rather than a baby sitter.

My husband gave his mum the kids on a day he had them, he has them every other weekend and he couldn’t even manage that.

Only two dads I know wanted 50/50 all the others can barely cope every other weekend, cancelling last minute, dropping them off early.

My husband’s latest excuse was he was off for tapas so couldn’t have them that weekend 🤷🏼‍♀️

I think it’s great if you’re a father and fighting it! Please talk to my kids dad and get him to show a little more encouragement.

[Allalittlebitshit2019]

Ss77
I'm not sure I agree that men provide most finances?? Cm means that they pay the bear minimum. £150 my husband pays for his 2 children per month!!! Thank God I don't contribute the same!!

[Ss770640]

I'm horrified that courts think 2 days a fortnight is somehow equal and just.

I currently have my son half the time. And love having him around. Even when he grumps.

It's the highlight of my week.

[Drawtheline14]

Neither do I Ss77 but I don’t think 50/50 works great either. Lucky for us we didn’t need a court order as everything was agreed between us. My husband had 2 nights a mont hand that’s all he wants (apart from special occasions. I even offered him Boxing Day night as extra and he turned it down. Unfortunately not all fathers think like you

[Allalittlebitshit2019]

I think if the nrp wants to be as involved, Drs app, homework etc etc and if the separated parents can have a good working relationship 50/50 can work. I suspect the courts could agree. But I suspect the real reason a lot of nrp choose not to be as involved. They enjoy/like having less responsibility. They have often left and have a new focus and to be blunt arnt thst interested. I think your probably an exception to the rule, good on you i wish more nrp took their roll more seriously.

[ClaireAngelaReid]

Ss770640 - the courts don’t think it’s equal or just so if that’s what you’ve hot there’s a reason for it. Care to elaborate?

[Ss770640]

@ClaireAngelaReid

Courts seem to default to a 2 night fortnightly visitation period.

I don't know why.

But it's hardly fair on any father or child to have access only 1/7th of the time.

[ClaireAngelaReid]

It’s s hard one, if you’re prepared to do the heavy lifting then yes you should be given the opportunity to do so. I would have welcomed 50/50 that didn’t mean 50% unless something more important pops up