Telling my husband today.

[snackerextraordinaire]

After months of counselling I have decided that I cannot go on with my husband. We have had separate rooms for 7 years, no intimacy and I think our three children 5-11 are suffering from this crappy situation. We sort of live separately but as a married couple of that makes sense. I am very unhappy but didn’t leave as he has a history of MH issues. I have a friend looking after the children this afternoon so I can talk to him but I am scared. It is such a massive leap but I can’t carry on like this for me or the children. Any advice or support would be very welcome. Thank you for reading.

Having read what you say about your solicitor, I'm sure you need one who will fight your corner.

I haven't been divorced but remember hearing that too many people rely on their solicitor for emotional support and that this is a truly terrible idea.

Firstly you're paying for every 15 minutes - and they cost a lot more than a professional counsellor. Secondly, the skill set of a solicitor doesn't equip them to offer emotional support. Keep the solicitor for legal advice only.

This holiday cottage business is him not listening yet again. Perhaps use it for what they call a teaching moment, i.e "But STBXH, you know we're separating. Why would I want to share a holiday with you?"

I know you've already told him this repeatedly. You may have to keep on until it eventually sinks in. Must be frustrating, to put it mildly.

What am Earth I am meant to do to make him take me seriously?

I don't want to be a bitch over this funeral but at the same time I am not staying in a two bed cottage. I am going to find it bloody difficult seeing all his family. I will feel like I am deceiving them. I want to pay my respects but at the same time I will find it doubly difficult.

In my family, if something needs addressing that may be upsetting or need some processing, we write letters. Either we email or we just post them.

Write it all down. You can express your wish not to be a bitch but stress that your decision is final, and why.

You can close with a paragraph about the funeral. He'll have read the letter by then and you can close by pointing out a holiday in the circumstances is (obviously) out of the question. Perhaps you could book a B & B for the night of the funeral? Separate rooms, of course.

Thank you snacker.