Child ill when with Father

[JustineA]

My son spends alternate weekends with his Father. Last weekend he returned on Sunday at the normal time and Father said he had been ill since Saturday morning with an ear infection. He had been taken to doctors and had medicine. I said that I should have been told if he was that poorly. Father said that I don't tell him anything. I said that I am primary carer and should be told. He asked 'what would I have done, come and picked up?' and then again said that I don't tell him anything. As primary carer should I have been told about this?

No, I Don't think there was any need unless your child needed some kind of emergency treatment. Would you tell him if you took child to the gp?

No such thing as "primary" carer. As both parents have parental responsibility, so are equal.

How is your relationship? How old is the child? Would you text and let him Know DC had an ear infection? If he wasn’t too bothered and happy with dad, I don’t see an issue

ill requiring a doctors appointment, I would expect him to tell me and I would do the same in the reverse situation. Would you have told him? If the answer is no, then you can't really expect it the other way round.

Of course there was no need to tell you at the time. It was a minor issue and his father dealt with it responsibly and informed you on handover. Why did you need to know any earlier?

Would you have told him if you'd have taken him to the doctors on one of your days?

Would be like to know when you take DC to the doctors? If so now is a great time to say I'd really like to have known and I'm happy to let you know when I take them. But there is no "primary parent". You don't have any greater right to know than he does I'm afraid.

I disagree with the majority. I’d like to be informed yes but wouldn’t inform my ex as he doesn’t care about the children when he’s not with them. He can’t even ring them! He turns his phone off and literally doesn’t bother when they’re with me. What mother wouldn’t want to know if her child was ill? If they were staying with other relatives then they’d let the mother know of course they would!

It always amazes me how absolutely fundamental principles of manners go out the window between separated parents.

Do as you would be done by, and be done by as you did.

You are equal parents, ffs. Give him information you would expect him to give you. Treat him like you think he should treat you. When you do that, without reciprocation, you have cause for complaint. It is that bloody simple.

God bless parents who can't see this, for they keep my mortgage paid and my child in shoes.

Do a parenting plan with their dad. Make time to talk with him, through family mediation opif you need a referee. And stop trying to set yourself above him as "primary carer. It isn't an attitude that will help you get along with him, is it? And what's more important to your child, happy and harmonious parents, or a permanent state of sniping with outbreaks of full on bombardment?

www.cafcass.gov.uk/grown-ups/parents-and-carers/divorce-and-separation/parenting-plan/

That is possibly the most sensible post I've ever seen on Mumsnet.