DH wants 60% of everything...

[Penury]

so we met in our late 30s, we both had a house and savings and pensions. we had 3 dcs in the next 5 years and since then I have been home based, a joint agreement that someone should be at home. since then dh's earnings have rocketed - he set up a business I help with, we have enjoyed a good standard of living. i have worked too but part time low paid stuff to be around for the dcs.now we are splitting up and he wants 60% of our total assets. ive had a solicitor consultation and it was just so woolly and vague. we have had mediation and the same. we keep being told we need to decide what is right for us given our circumstances but i dont know what would be fair and no one seems to be willing to stick thier neck out and say. i have no career. dh has a fab career. i will be primary carer, dh can carry on earning. plus i have recently found out that dhs pension is double mine (he kept that quiet) i dont know where to start to negotiate, he is adamant its 60:40 his way

To respond to a few points - I am 53, had kids late! I had a reasonably well paid job before dcs, dont want to say what i'll out myself, but part time jobs in that field of work are like hens teeth so i now do child care related stuff because the hours fit.

im not after every penny i can get. but i do want the best i can get. its my future and my boys future. id be stupid not to challenge him.

Will the forty or fifty percent give you enough to live on? I'm thinking yes he needs to pay child maintenance, but if your pension is low, and it stops when you're 61 as your youngest will have left home, will you be able to survive financially at that stage?

Presume you have been on Wikivorce for ideas? The area around 60/40 to you ultimately may be 'reasonable' to you but you need to think through pensions etc. Definitely need solicitors to make it binding but you can do some 'thinking' and back of envelope calculations so you have some direction.

I agree it's best to keep all divorce amicable and both people take a fair amount. But when a person is wanting more than 50% yet their partner has sacrificed her career then legal may be the only way.

But often the lower earner doesn't want to cause trouble or stir up bad feeling so gives the ex what he wants.

Therefore let the court decide. And ensure you do take every penny the court thinks you are legally entitled to. That may only be 40% however it may be 60%.

If you leave your ex to do the right thing it may mean you cannot provide properly for your children. He is showing you he wants the money. I will be surprised if he has not taken legal advice.

Totally agree with previous posters to get a good solicitor. Just because he has earned the most does not mean he is entitled to 60%. I don't think he has considered that you have given up years of a potential career to look after the children, so you are further behind in your career than you would be if you had not done that. You need compensation for that!