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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

DH wants 60% of everything...

80 replies

Penury · 12/03/2018 19:30

so we met in our late 30s, we both had a house and savings and pensions. we had 3 dcs in the next 5 years and since then I have been home based, a joint agreement that someone should be at home. since then dh's earnings have rocketed - he set up a business I help with, we have enjoyed a good standard of living. i have worked too but part time low paid stuff to be around for the dcs.now we are splitting up and he wants 60% of our total assets. ive had a solicitor consultation and it was just so woolly and vague. we have had mediation and the same. we keep being told we need to decide what is right for us given our circumstances but i dont know what would be fair and no one seems to be willing to stick thier neck out and say. i have no career. dh has a fab career. i will be primary carer, dh can carry on earning. plus i have recently found out that dhs pension is double mine (he kept that quiet) i dont know where to start to negotiate, he is adamant its 60:40 his way

OP posts:
NeverTwerkNaked · 12/03/2018 21:12

You must get some legal advice.
My ex made some ridiculous argument why he should get 60%. He’s ended up with about 30% .... we sorted it through mediation but I went in well prepared by my solicitor.

MyBoysAndI · 12/03/2018 21:29

If you're not prepared to get a solicitor then you might as well give him what he wants and save yourself the hassle of trying to negotiate as he'll only win

Cornishclio · 12/03/2018 21:34

You should start at 50/50 of all assets and you need a pension sharing order. As you sacrificed your career for children and presumably will need to provide a roof over their head and are still the primary caregiver depending on custody arrangement you will need more than 50% of the house although this may mean you get less of the other assets.

bunbunny · 12/03/2018 21:37

You should be going for 70:30 and maybe get negotiated down to 66 (ie 2/3rds) or 65 or 60 at the lowest.

Plus ensuring that you have plenty to look after the dc with on a monthly basis and figure in childcare and the fact that as you are providing most of the childcare and thus limiting your own earning potential then that's something you need to be compensated for given that you have enabled him to grow his business at the expense of your own career.

Eveforever · 12/03/2018 21:41

My best friend's husband was really good to her when they were together, then they separated and he is now a complete bastard when it comes to financial matters. He thinks his child maintenance payments are optional and a good will gesture; the fact that they are a legal obligation seems to wash over him. My point? You need to look after you and your children financially, get a good lawyer.

RandomMess · 12/03/2018 21:41

He can jog on at best he would get 50:50 if he took on 50% of the children's residency/care/work...

Hermonie2016 · 12/03/2018 21:53

You may need a pension valuation which will recommend split.Its expensive, around £1500-2000 but worth it.

A judge will look at starting position of 50:50 but it depends on what assets and if that split will enable you to each have a house.

Is his earnings over cms?

I went to court, would love to say that it ensures full disclosure but don't rely on it.If he wants hide assets he can.

SomeKnobend · 12/03/2018 21:57

You need a solicitor and some more balls. I'd be asking for 70% in your shoes. It has to take into account the impact of childbearing on your earnings and earning potential. He's got a fucking cheek. Tbh he'd have a fucking cheek asking for 50%!

bonnyshide · 12/03/2018 22:10

It's already acrimonious, he's trying to screw you over....get a solicitor.

awishes · 12/03/2018 22:13

&43%burnt
Summed up nicely!
Exactly how the “negotiations” for my financial settlement went.
He even said that our 18 year old studying for A Levels didn’t need to be housed, judge agreed!
Please please be careful, don’t believe what he says until it’s sealed at court.

Theworldisfullofidiots · 12/03/2018 22:17

If you don't get a good solicitor, it will end up acrimonious in the long-term. Especially as you come to resent him more and more. And you see your children miss out.

I know it's difficult but it's by far and away the best course of action.

Jon66 · 12/03/2018 22:19

You need a good solicitor who will be less woolly and vague and positive. The starting point is 50% of everything. I can't see why your husband would be entitled to 60%. You will also need a pension sharing order. Try to talk to your husband and advise him that once solicitors are instructed, this could cost an awful lot. Much better to reach agreement between yourself. But you need to be able to negotiate and part of that is knowing to what you are entitled. You should come out with around 60 per cent plus child maintenance and a pension share agreement.

Original poster
Penury · 13/03/2018 06:30

Thanks for all the advice, seems fairly unanimous, i'll get another solicitor. going to write a letter of complaint about the one i've already seen for being so bloody vague - cost me over £200 for statements like ' you might want to think about getting more of the capital to compensate for loss of earnings.' yes ive thought about it, but what can i reasonably and fairly actually ask for??

OP posts:
MrsJoshDun · 13/03/2018 06:37

It’ll get acrimonious with or without a solicitor when he realises you won’t give him 60%. Lawyer up, ask for 70%.

MrsJoshDun · 13/03/2018 06:38

Ask around locally for good divorce solicitors, personal recommendations.

MonaChopsis · 13/03/2018 06:46

One way to find a decent solicitor is that talking to your local Women's Aid... They will know who is good locally, and as a bonus whichever solicitor they recommend is likely to be used to dealing with angry, entitled men.

AlbertaSimmons · 13/03/2018 06:55

My friend had an affair, kicked her DH out, moved OM in, got a highly paid job AND demanded everything from her husband. Everything being the house, savings, his half of a business he was in with a partner, spousal maintenance, school and university fees, the lot. She lawyered up and refused to budge.

After 5 years, by which time her H was at his wits end, and she had inherited £500k from her father, she settled at 70:30 in her favour. Play the long game OP.

TheRagingGirl · 13/03/2018 07:09

He’s being the acrimonious, money grabbing bastard. I’m glad you’re leaving him.

You gave up your career to enable his career to grow. You deserve 60% at least.

Legalities will start at 50/50 but you should push for 60% due to your loss of earning capacity because you were caring for HIS children.

Men like him make me so angry - hateful bastards.

outabout · 13/03/2018 07:55

Unless OP is already around 50, there are still 15 or more 'working years' to go. Plenty of time for a career change.
While I am not defending the 'DH' you have to accept some degree of negotiation.
If OP was helping DH with the business then she was helping herself too in that otherwise that work would have had to be paid for in another member of 'staff'. 60/40 to the OP.

wobytide · 13/03/2018 10:03

After 5 years, by which time her H was at his wits end

Because that's what everyone wants to happen to the parents of their kids.

To the people who think divorce is about "winning" when kids are involved. Have a word with yourselves

rocketgirl22 · 13/03/2018 10:09

By choosing not to get proper support and legal advice you are increasing the chances of things becoming acrimonious.

He needs to be fair.

You need to be fair.

He is not being fair by trying to rip you off!! he knows full well it should be the other way around. 60/40 in your favour.

You may not feel so generous in 15 years time when you are eating cold baked beans and he is living the life of luxury with his new squeeze.

Viviennemary · 13/03/2018 10:10

I agree you need a better solicitor. Go to one of these special divorce ones. He's started trouble by demanding 60% so if people want trouble they should get it in shedloads. I'm all for reasonableness but it takes two to be reasonable and he isn't being.

outabout · 13/03/2018 10:54

I started out by being 'reasonable' at around 60/40 to her, but she is still being difficult.
Fortunately I like cold baked beans.
By the way, apparently even 40 percent of childcare that I did 'didn't count' in her and solicitors reckoning.

BookHelpPlease · 13/03/2018 10:57

If you met late 30s, did you actually give up a career or were you just doing glow paid part time stuff then too?

sothisisnew · 13/03/2018 12:08

Just to go against the tide a little bit... I always think it's dangerous when posters talk about getting 'every penny' of their 'legal entitlement'. There isn't really any such thing as your legal entitlement, other than what you can agree on, what a court sanctions or imposes. I imagine the reason your solicitor was woolly is because the courts have so much discretion to make the ultimate decision, it is incredibly difficult to predict what an outcome might be, even in the most standard of circumstances.

So, while it's important to get what you think you need for you and your children, if you can try to resist being taken over by fighting for every single thing you can take from your ex. I know it's easy to say, but I've seen the consequences of this kind of 'battle', and the resentment it can leave behind if you feel you've been short changed or your ex has come out of it better than you feel he deserves.

If you can be clear on what you need, be clear on the range of what you would expect to get in court, and work with you ex to get something resembling that, I'd count that as a result. Good luck.

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