when do they stop trying to control you?

[fuckingroundabout]

split with ex in january. Extensive phsyical, emotional and sexual abuse. restraining order and conditional discharge.

numerous complaints into nspcc about my parenting (think we are up to 10). refuses to allow any of his family to have comtact with the children including their half sibling. Now I need permission for holiday and his response was pure blackmail.

Its not fair, he gets to abuse me, cheat on me, gets a slap on the wrist, move in with OW, not have to deal with our ASD toddler, not have to deal with our baby yet the one thing Im looking forward to after a year from hell he wont let me have. What more can he possibly have to gain from continuing this.

So upset and frustrated

They don't in my experience. Even after 8 years I still get trouble albeit less frequently. This years was I'm not feeding him which I laughed long and hard at.

It sounds as if you need to speak to a legal bod, there has to be away around it.

Stop letting him

Take his phone number out of your phone
You don't need to start the communication with him, let him run around and brush it off
Never let them in the house
Don't do conversation
Use same phrase over and over

It does work

They continue until they are bored/tired of making your life a misery and have their next victim , primed , and ready for abuse.

Hang on in there , you will be fine. He , however will continue to be an arse and will most likely end up lonely and bitter.

tgis is all through the solicitor and nspcc hes doing these things

even my solicitor was gobsmacked at the blatant blackmail for the holiday!

Urgh sounds like a right bastard. My ex still tries to control me over 5 years after I left him but he did enough shit (like refusing consent for holidays and putting an alert on DD's passport, false accusations to child protection, harrassing and threatening my OH and the final straw of refusing consent for medical treatment for DD) that I was granted sole custody so my advice to use is to document everything and get legal advice if you can afford it. Social services have been my greatest help in this time (and he was the one that involved them in the first place so that backfired on him!)

What he gets from it is what all abusers get from abusing people - sick pleasure and feeling of power.

I just dont get why they carry on despite new relationships etc. Its almost like they arent happy that they didnt destroy you

Lurker here..... They are not happy, they have lost control, going through the same.
Any consolation , it all comes back to bite them in the peaches.... seriously !