He's now fighting for the children

[suntansally]

Hi does anyone have much experience in this area.
I've been married12 years, just received decree absolute ( against me got unreasonable behaviour-I did this as I wanted to save money I could have batted back and forth but just wanted it over) we have 4dcs aged 6-14 I have been their primary career whilst she has ran a business which has become profitable but he has now shrank this down to minimum pay for himself etc to avoid maintenance.hes now taking me to court as he wants the children 50% of the time. I have left university so that I can guide the children through this hard time so I am available all the time. He's keeping a pathetic. Diary of how many days minutes and seconds he's had the children. Does he stand much of a chance of winning this given that he lives with his dad in cramped conditions?

I just thought I do t need to keep a diary if STBXH is as I've had them the days he hasn't ! 😂

Anyway seriously can anyone recommend a good website so I can prepare myself for custody battle please ( there must be a more modern name for it now lol 😂 more PC)

How is it about the children's rights to force 50/50 arrangement on them when one parent will bot be there to care for them whilst the other is. He is clearly only thinking about his rights if he is happy to deliberately stop their mother from caring for them when she is available to do so.

Fingers crossed mediation is the way he decides to go. Court orders often end up with no one getting what they want. Especially the kids.

Hi looking like court as I pissed him if yesterday as I wouldn't swap weekends so that he and new gf could have a child free weekend ...... get the idea

Yes, I get the idea that it often makes things harder when parents won't swop.

It'll mean that if you ever want to swop, he is less likely to agree.

And no matter how much his reasons for wanting to swop are bothering you right now, they won't do in the longer term (best if you don't even take the time to find out what they are). So the way forward that is most in the DC's interests is for both parents to accommodate stops whenever they can. Unfortunately, once one parent shows they will not do this, it becomes impossible.

Thanks Trojan but he has stated that I keep changing things via solicitors and it's distressing the children ...... needs to make up his mind

The Irony here he wants a child free weekend but is going for 50/50 care is not lost on me.

If it were about the children he would ensure he financially provides for them rather than get one over on their mother - who he also needs favours from re reorganising weekends. It doesn't sound like he truly wants them 50/50 to spend time with them either if he's handing them off to the gf, to childcare.

It's about the 'winning'. Or not 'losing'. He actually thinks there's some victory to be gained using his own children. My exH has the same mindset. There's a lot of 'I want...' in his conversation. When I ask 'how is that good for the children?' Or 'have you asked the children what they want?' with his more selfish ideas I can almost feel the aggression emanating from him because it's about his wants, not theirs. Unless there's something to the children's obvious detriment I choose not to engage in his phony war and I keep the information flow to a minimum so there's very little to engage with.

I would say in mediation there is 'little point the children going to his house to spend time with their father if he's not there to spend time with. And that access should be where practicable arranged when you are both available to your children...whatever that ratio may be. The children are old enough to have a voice and they have said...(whatever they have said about the situation). Whatever we come up with has to put them first.'

It might be he steps up to the plate and is a 50/50 dad but that's good for the kids. It's where it's patently unfair/to their detriment that it should be challenged.

When he has his own house then maybe I will be more relaxed about things but I know he's after this one x

Have you sorted out the finances? You are a decree absolute so I assumed you had?

No why?

It's usual to sort out finances between decree nisi and absolute. He's started a legal battle on access. I'd get going on the important finances.

I also think you need a lawyer. There is no way as a SAHM with dcs that he can have the house unless he's got a tonne of money to give you so you can afford another for you and the dcs. But with all the steps he's taken he's looking a completely unreasonable arse and you're going to need the services of a no-nonsense family lawyer & let them deal with him.

Don't be too wedded to the family home just because he wants it if the upkeep is a millstone round your neck. You and dcs might find a much nicer one. Doesn't mean exH can afford to buy it off you though. Get a lawyer.

Thanks prophet we are between nisi and absolute I've got until august if we settle finances. I spent ALL day today putting together my notes for my lawyer. She is a good lawyer and we will be well prepared for this between us.
It's my 13th anniversary today
I will be looking for a new home asap but worried that STBXH would have a better case for access if I moved out ?