advise please!!

[misswhatdoto2]

Bit of background. Dh together 15 years, married for 10. Have 2 dc (8 & 3). I have instigated us separating - he does not agree/ understand although has accepted. Have agreed to sell the house and have arranged valuations so have an idea of equity. He is demanding 60% as paid in more over the years and was his flat originally (I paid towards costs after a year when I moved in) that enabled us to get the deposit for our current home.

I know this is completely unreasonable and have told him legally I would be entitled to 60%+ having children with me. He refuses to go to mediation and willing for it to get nasty through courts

I have read that until an agreement is made the house sale solictors can legally hold the money. I will need this money to set myself and children up in new home (rented).
What should I do first?? Sell the house? Issue divorce proceedings?
I'm in such a muddle as he is making things difficult so not sure where my first move should he? ?

I should add.. I have offered 50:50 which I believe is more than fair

The house is a marital asset and any starting point for negotiations of assets is 50/50, and the primary carer usually gets more of the assets as they have to house the children. I suggest you go see a solicitor and so does he, hopefully he will change his tune then.

You need to see a family solicitor. No one can advise you helpfully on here about this.

But yes, if you sell without a financial agreement in place the proceeds can't be distributed.

Issue divorce proceedings, start formal mediation, you need financial agreement before you try and sell with his current attitude!

Would you not be better for him to move out and the property sold when the DC are older or can you realistically downsize and afford 2 properties?

If he starts being unpleasant etc. make a note of it and be prepared to get a non-molestation order. Any aggressiveness speak to your local domestic violence team (may have a different name to that).

I agree that you really need to see a solicitor, phone around, see as many as you can for a free half hour session (if they do them) get a feel for who you think you can gel with etc.

Thanks random. I don't want anything hanging over me with me staying in the house. I would rather start my new life ASAP. Plan will be to rent for a year and then look to buy (either shared ownership or possibly with a family member but only possiblilty). I just want a clean break between us.
I have paperwork solictor sent me when I went for my free hour so think I may start filling that in now. I wasn't too fussed about getting divorced straight away - more concerned with separating but as he is likely to make this difficult it looks like I am going to have to go straight for this now.
So if I send off the paperwork, what happens next?? At what point do I need to see mediator? (He point blank refuses to go know I need a letter saying I went but he didn't).
I'm better holding off the house sale as yet then if we can't agree on a settlement?

I would be concerned that it could stop a sale going through? Also how will you rent if the solicitor is holding onto the money?

You need to speak to your solicitor again and find out the best way of resolving this.