Who pays for what?

[SnowLeopard6]

Hi

I'm after some advice, and if I dare say it, opinions! There is always different ways to look at things so I am interested to hear what people think..
So a child maintenance order has been made and is paid every month. Who should pay for clothes, footwear, clubs, that sort of thing?
The children spend their time between us. Over a fortnight, 8 days with me, 6 days with the other. The children are primary school age.
Should I pay for them all? The ex wants to buy them clothes and says he misses out on being involved in that side of things but doesn't think that's fair because he pays me money for that.
Should I buy all of their clothes? And pay for all of their clubs?

I have a similar 8/6 split. I buy all their clothes using maintenance as a contribution to that. We split costs for extra curricular lessons and any big school trips, mobile phoned etc. Teenagers are expensive - so I would definitely say I'm out of pocket, but I also get the child benefit and tax credits. If your ex was involved in kitting them out pre split then it's understandable that he'd like to be involved now - but it's pointless furnishing 2 wardrobes with clothes.

Thanks :)

That's good that you split costs. Very sensible of you both. Must be hard because as they get older they get more expensive.

I can't see any way out of having 2 separate wardrobes. We very rarely see each other, as one will drop off at school and the other will pick them up. Sending them to school with bags of clothes doesn't sound ideal. So I don't know how we don't have 2 sets of clothes. Also - having not been split up that long he is saying that the clothes he has at his are starting to get too small and that he shouldn't have to buy new ones as that's what he gives me maintenance for. He either wants me to buy them or, what he really wants is for me to give some of the maintenance back so he can buy them clothes. You don't really hear of people giving maintenance back right??!!

Ultimately his maintenance amount is driven by his earnings and that they are with you more. I'm sure they'll be lots of things that you have to buy over and above maintenance. If he chooses to purchase a few items for his house then don't reimburse him.

You need to find a non argumentative way to say that maintenance costs don't cover everything for you so therefore you both have to pick up the slack in each household.

We have approx an 8/6 split - well, that's the statement on the child arrangements, she spends more daytime hours with me and some of his 6 is more nights - e.g. she'll go to him at bedtime on Sunday if I'm on an early shift Monday.

I actually don't claim CMS - I'm entitled to, but chose not to for my own reasons. But I don't think we'd handle it differently if I did. Simply, like you I think two wardrobes are necessary. So we both buy for her. Especially because we as often buy because we want to, not from necessity. She doesn't need as many outfits as she has - in either home.

I think it really depends on your relative income, other outgoings and actual amount of maintenance.

I earn less than my XH, and even with his higher outgoings I think I have less disposable income. But I still have a good income - I don't struggle to pay for her clothes and activities.

If he's paying a small % of his income and would have paid more when you were together, and you earn less than him and all the maintenance is needed for things like housing and utilities then he can bugger off!

He pays nothing and buys them nothing except an occasional meal out but for us the bigger costs have always been things like full time childcare (£30k a year) or school fees x 2 - 5 (£30k+ a year....) so the cost of a few clothes and shoes has been as nothing compared to those kinds of costs.