Help

[Pollyd76]

Have just told husband of 12 years I want a divorce. He is refusing to accept marriage is over saying he still adores me and that I can't ruin over dc (8 and 6) lives. I have explained I no longer want to be in the marriage but he will not have it. What do I do ?

You don't need his agreement. You can file for divorce on grounds of unreasonable behaviour. Have a read of the Resolution site for info on the available processes, it's also good for finding a solicitor.

I have already seen a solicitor, who suggested it would be best if we can sort things out between us, but can't see that being a possibility, he keeps telling me that he can't have a life without seeing me and the children everyday and that I'm being unreasonable and should stay at least until the children are 18

Hmm. Seems somewhat strange advice to me.

Obviously it costs more to use a solicitor, but I think it is worth it. What's the financial position - house, jobs, etc?

Both have good jobs, small joint mortgage, no debts, I think the solicitor felt it would be better for the children if we sorted it out between us

My small fund of advice is exhausted . I suggest you have a read of the Relationships Board, and possibly post there as well as here, as traffic is higher there?

well if you are serious that it is over, you need to start proceedings for divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behavior. It is beneficial if he will agree to it and almost agree to what those are but its not necessary. Most judges wont keep you in a marriage where you don't want to be. The reasons can be quite 'minor', such as ' he refuses to go out with me as evidenced on such and such a date', his refusal to tidy up leaves me feeling unvalued etc or things along those lines.

You need to think practically about how to split assets, where will the children live what will the access to the children be etc and just get on with it. It is always better to try to keep those as amicable as possible and this would help keep legal costs down. I think you will need to attend mediation as part of the process as well.

Its natural that he will be hurt, angry, emotional etc but its likely that once he sees you are serious he wont block it. However at the moment he is ikely to be reeling from the thought that he might lose his home and children.

Do you have proposals for finances and residency and are these realistic vs what your solicitor would suggest based on your individual circumstances?

Keep children out of it as much as you can and do your best to ensure that both you and their father continue to play active roles going forward