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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

non-mol hearing

16 replies

FV45 · 16/06/2016 19:20

I do have a long thread in Relationships, but want specific advice on something.

I applied for an ex parte non-molestation order. The judge has asked to see me with my solicitor tomorrow. What can I expect?

Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
FV45 · 16/06/2016 19:21

nb STBX knows nothing of this.

OP posts:
BabyAlexander · 16/06/2016 19:24

The judge will make a decision whether your application can go ahead ex parte. If it can s/he will hear your application. If it can't go ahead ex parte s/he will set a date for you ex to be served by and a further hearing date.

Original poster
FV45 · 16/06/2016 19:29

I understand that (sorry, I wasn't clear).
He's already read my statement. I am wondering how much I will need to talk/answer questions, or will it be mainly my sol? I am very nervous.

OP posts:
markingthebench · 16/06/2016 21:51

When I went through this, it was okay. The judge was very matter of fact but also sympathetic and not scary. I only had to answer a few basic questions. All I had to do was stand there and tell the truth when I was asked. My solicitor had done all the legwork.

Hope it goes well for you.

Desmondo2016 · 17/06/2016 09:03

I did this recently although I didnt use a solicitor. The first hearing was just me. The judge just confirmed a couple points in my statement and then she said the order was granted and we discussed the finer points of the conditions.

I then got the Police Officer who was dealing with the incident that had led to needing the non mol to serve it on exdh that evening.

About 10 days later we both went to court for the open hearing (incidentally exdh breached it by trying to talk to me while we were waiting to go in! Duh!). He accepted the order, made himself look like a prize prick for five minutes to the judge which was cringesome but quite amusing and then the order was confirmed. It was a very simple and quick process. Hope this helps x

Original poster
FV45 · 17/06/2016 23:14

It didn't go well. Ex parte non mol order NOT granted and there is no way I'm having him be served papers for a with notice hearing, even though the judge said it would be ASAP.

We are living under the same roof ( he won't leave).

OP posts:
markingthebench · 17/06/2016 23:24

I'm so sorry to hear that Sad and wish I knew what to say that could help. Do you have any support? Are you safe tonight?

throwingpebbles · 17/06/2016 23:26

Can you get out for a bit FV?

Police helped me and kids leave then I applied for with notice hearing for non-mol and an occupation order. Police and health visitors etc knew where we were staying but ex-H didn't

Huge sympathies. I think there is a sense naivety in the courts still about how often women are subjected to this. But my "with notice" hearing went well although I made the (in my view) mistake of accepting an undertaking, which meant no power of arrest is attached to a breach.

could you speak to women's aid? I hate thinking of you stuck in that house Flowers

Original poster
FV45 · 17/06/2016 23:33

I might just take myself off for a few days. Alone. No internet or phone. I am so, so tired and today has crushed me even further.

WA tell me to leave or to get non-mol.

OP posts:
Original poster
FV45 · 17/06/2016 23:35

It would be fine if I had a black eye, but EA isn't enough it seems.

Sorry...I have two miserable threads now.

OP posts:
throwingpebbles · 18/06/2016 00:01

Do you have kids? Take them with you if you can.
I know. Sympathies. I suffered awful EA, I was suicidal by the end.

can you get a GP report or similar?

Also, call police every time anything happens (Cafcass advice so they have a log of it all)

You will find a way out of this. Do you have family/friends you can confide in? The relief once I finally told mine was immense xx

Original poster
FV45 · 18/06/2016 05:46

I have 2 police reports within the last year, and one from 8 years ago.
I have 2 letters from my GP.
All submitted as evidence.
I am not calling police for every EA incident as they come to the house or I am required to go to DV unit to talk to someone. Can't do that every day!

OP posts:
Original poster
FV45 · 18/06/2016 05:47

and I do have lots of support.

OP posts:
throwingpebbles · 18/06/2016 06:39

that was the advice of My Cafcass officer so just relaying it.

It's bonkers that the judge wouldn't do a without notice order then Flowers

Am sure you have a good chance of getting a "with notice" order then, if you can find a way to stay safe while you wait for the court date.

Original poster
FV45 · 18/06/2016 07:10

Sorry to be snippy pebbles , I do appreciate your advice.

I am not strong enough to put myself through a hearing with him with the risk that non mol would not be granted (unlikely this would be the case but I can't take the risk).

My situation sounds very different to yours. I am not in physical or immediate danger.

The law does not go far enough IMO to recognise the effects and fear of EA. It's progressing but has got a very long way to go. Meanwhile I need to protect myself. I'm shutting down a bit....I've tried..it took huge amounts of courage and this is a huge blow. I need to forget about it for a while. Somehow.

OP posts:
throwingpebbles · 18/06/2016 09:56

It's ok, I totally understand. He was only violent once. My main suffering was EA.
I have so much sympathy for you, just no real answers. I totally agree re the law.
The more space you can get to grow stronger, the better.

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