Can you help?

[Gohackyourself]

Hi all,

After some discussions with a friend it got me thinking;

How did you heal yourself after divorce/relationship break up?

I've got over the loss/grieving process-
Have contact set up etc etc

So I'm through the worst on "the relationship" issue.kids are happy, everything is all settled

Now I've got time to concentrate on me.
I was discussing that I've come through to the other side but feel a bit battered as in mentally and physically -
I've got a nice hair cut, an clothes in the wardrobe but I tend to live in joggers/hoodies when not in uniform at work! I only really wear minimal make up when at work and scrape hair back too!
My friend said to me a lecturer once said to her though-
"Why save all your best stuff for one night out a year- why doll yourself up for one night- try do to every day"
And I guess it's struck a chord! I'm ready to find me again - but how the bloody hell do I remember that girl from 15 years ago and rekindle some of her strength /looks/courage etc?

Any advice, stories etc welcome

Figure out what turns heads? (In a good way.) That'll give you confidence.

How long have you been separated? I am 18 months. Have my head almost sorted but like you I am lost. I guess 26 years is a long time to forget

gohackyourself

You do whatever makes you feel more confident. And you 'fake it til you make it'. If you have 18 minutes watch Amy Cuddy's ted talk on body language. It's one of the best ted's I've watched.

So experiment. Try not pulling your hair back. Try a minimal make up look. That's the superficial.
On the flip side do fun stuff. Visit places you've always wanted to go. Take up something you've been curious about.

Take a moment at the end of each day and think about what happened that day that you should be grateful for.

For me the most important thing is inner happiness. Because that shines through. And people are innately attracted to those qualities. The more people you meet with that outlook, the more the positivity boosts.

Oh and avoid the people I call the dementors of our world. The mood suckers.

Hi-
I've been seperated about 2 years now- it's been a bit bumpy , also the ex moved on in new life probably years before we split- so it was dealing with those feelings and thoughts of anger/jealousy betrayal.
They've taken their toll and will leave their demons.ill deal with those as they arise.

I think all of the above are the usual wise advice things-
Don't hang with negative ppl etc
Also try to figure what turns heads is harder than you think !
I'm a naturally outer confident person, I work in an emergency service job so have no problems with "the outer shell confidence/work person"-
But that can be quite different to the real me.i also find I don't have a large circle - so with full time job and children - it's very hard to join things where you would meet people.if I'm not at work I'm with kids! Or if the kids are not there it's chance to sort house!

But I can live with that in one sense - it's the mental part I need to regain- self esteem.
I can't work out how you do that?!?!
I'd like a plan/123 steps and it seems it's not easy.