Confused about mediation

[DragonRojo]

DH And I are separating, reasonably amicably, but we thought that mediation would help to find a fair solution regarding finances and maintenance. I spoke to a mediator on the phone and he advised to get legal advice first. Is that his it works? I thought the point of mediation was to avoid going down the lawyers route

It's because if you go into mediation without knowing what is reasonable and what is likely to happen if it went to court, a domineering partner might railroad the other into accepting an unfair settlement. It's not the mediator's job to advise on your legal rights, just to facilitate the agreement. If both partners are agreeing to and seem to be happy with something unfair, the mediator can't really intervene.

Pension division is a good example. A lot of people don't realise that if one partner has a good pension and the other doesn't, because they have been a stay at home parent for example, the partner without the pension may have legal rights to some of the pension pot.

One meeting with a solicitor should be enough to inform you of your entitlement, and you then don't need to employ the solicitor any more unless there are problems with reaching an agreement.

Thank you. That makes sense.

DragonRojo I work as a mediator and we always recommend getting legal advice before making final agreements or consent orders on divorce but you don't need to do this first. Find lawyer mediators if you can, they are more familiar with the law and often more confident in giving legal information that mediators from other disciplines. I hope that helps

Thank you. I have done exactly that. Spoke to a lawyer last week who was great at explaining the process and what I might be entitled to. I was not aware of many things, such as pension split or the fact that I can, in principle, receive more than 50% of the assets as DS is staying with me. This week we have an appointment with lawyer mediators. I will keep on posting on case someone is sadly going through the same