Child arrangements

[awana]

Hi all, I hope you can help. I am trying to divorce my narcissistic ex husband. It has been dragging through courts and been going on for around 3 years. He has now put in a child arrangement order in which he cites that he fears for domestic violence for our son and himself, and that he has not had contact for six months.

None of this is true and in fact it's always me that tries to get him to see our son. I'm disabled so I need all the help I can get! He was also arrested 3 years ago for assaulting me and I have been in counselling for domestic violence etc since. Given that he currently sees DS for just under the time he is requesting, I see this as more of an attack on me than anything to do with child arrangements.

I'd like to know about peoples experiences in court for the first hearing. Is it possible to do it without a solicitor or barrister? I have loads of documents from social services, DV agencies etc that I can provide. But is this something they will want to see? I haven't heard from a CARFCASS officer yet so unclear as to how to proceed.

In terms of contact, ExH pretty much gets what he has already asked for, and I know that he will eventually lose interest in our son and not bother to see him all the time - which is exactly what he did to the children of his previous marriage. So I'm not too worried about actual contact, and happy to negotiate regarding this.

I'd be grateful on any advice about how to move forward.

Many thanks

First hearing is usually just a housekeeping hearing and you should be able to self represent. The courts usually request mediation before any child arrangements can be ordered, to ensure that it isn't something you can sort out without a court. Does your ex have any evidence of his accusations of DV against you? Are there any directions on the letter you received from the court about the hearing?

Hi TaraG23,

My Ex has stated that he has documents from social services but in fact, I have further documents that he doesn't know about including an apology and compensation for the way they treated me as a result of his accusations. He doesn't have any documents that demonstrate that I am a threat to my son or to him.

He has accused me of various mental health issues as well and I have documents from specialists that demonstrate that I don't have any.

There have been no directions. I had to postpone the initial hearing as I was on holiday, and right up until the day before the hearing I didn't receive a phone call from Carfcass.

I believe that he has filled in the form regarding DV so that we don't have to go through mediation. He wants to drag me through court for the hell of it!

I should mention that I am disabled with ME so get tired easily. This means that I often need him to help more with our son that he is prepared to do. It also means that I might tire easily if the proceedings drag out for a long period of time.

I am currently being represented for finances but child arrangements from what I have seen seem a little less complicated and more achievable.

It would be good to know what you think.
Many thanks!