divorcing with 2 under 2 & moving far away

[kitty982]

Hi,

This is my 1st post on here. I am pretty sure my husband & I are divorcing (he isn't really interested in being a husband or father) & I am really worried about how I will cope w my baby due in Nov & my daughter who will be 15months in Nov. I would be bit scared of 2 under 2 even if in suportive relationship, let alone by myself. Has anyone split up w children this young? How did you cope looking after them?! I will very likely relocate to other side of country so my Mum can help a bit (but she's not in great health, plus husband might not agree to move) but I couldn't afford any childcare. I know it is the right thing to do but really scared - am I insane to do it now (or in coming months) when I effectively have 2 babies (would keep living together till baby born as wouldn't be able to finalise house sale till then).

Any similar experiences or advice hugely appreciated. Thank you.

Hi there, I had a slightly similar situation to you, so I can understand how you feel.

I moved far away with my baby when I was 4mths pregnant with baby #2. I coped fine with baby and being pregnant on my own. It was just when the baby was born I realised that doing it without support was totally impossible. In the end the only option I had was for H to come and live with us, and pay all bills etc. he got a new job so he could relocate. So it was a massive upheaval for all of us. Plus now I'm stuck with him, when I did all that massive effort to get away from him in the first place.

But with the benefit of hindsight you really only have that option to move when dc are young. As you can't so easily do an upheaval when they're in school etc.

Can you easily get a job in the new location?

Hi,

Thanks for your reply. Yes, I shld be able to get a job. God I cld never have husband back w me again after leaving him - scary thought!! Is he still living w you? My Mum can take them both 2 days/week when I'm working/to help me on maternity leave. Plus I will prob spend a day with her & her husband at wkend so will have some help. Have done my little girl w/out hardly any practical support from husband & no emotional support at all so am used to it ... with one (who has been an easy baby)! In your experience does what I'm planning sound impossible in terms of dealing w them both, espwhen have no friends etc near me. Thanks v much

I separated from my ex when my DTS were 1.5, tbh it what far easier than I would have imagined. Ex was pretty disinterested from the start so had always coped 'on my own'. He moved away. I had my parents nearby, although they are elderly and in poor health and couldn't really help much it was still nice to have someone pop round for a chat. I have two very good friends who have helped to give me a break when I really needed it. But mostly I have coped on my own because I have had to. It has been very difficult at times but not impossible. I never knew how strong and patient I could be.

Work wise I am waiting till the children start Reception before I go back to work, surviving on CTC, CB and maintenance - its not a huge amount to live off but certainly doable. There is no way I could afford childcare for 2 children.

I don't think you are insane for doing it now, sometimes we just don't really have a choice.

Not sure if this helps.