i really hate my life

[TtipParty]

Bastard stbxh, toxic mother, 3 young kids, one or two friends who don't really care, low paid job, mortgage I can't pay, feeling totally hopeless. That about sums it up.

Sorry to hear you feel that way. I didn't want to read and run, hopefully some wiser posters will be along with advice soon

Thanks ElloGuvnor.

Sometimes I feel it would have been better not to have ltb. I know that's mn heresy, but I just feel so alone and shit.

At a work thing the other day everyone had their partners there - yound, old, whatever. And then there was me on my fucking own as always.

I'm never going to meet anyone - my life is kids and work and wondering how I'm going to survive. X of course introduced our kids to his supposedly non-existent new partner. He lied about being in a new relationship, he lied about why he was moving in with her, he won't tell me how long they've been togather. He accuses me of being in a new relationship - god knows no-one wishes that was true more than I do.

I know people will say I need to work on my self esteem, better myself etc. But literally every time I try to strive for something better- a better job, a new partner, I just end up feeling humiliated and defeated. I really felt something for someone, and they just basically dismissed my feelings. I got promoted then experienced workplace bullying from someon who didn't appreciate being managed by me. I'm basically shit - why should I even try when I'm not ever going to be wanted, appreciated or valued?

Sounds like you are dealing with a lot all at once. No wonder you feel hopeless but you are certainly not shit.
From what you've said it sounds like you are better off without your ex. It must be so hurtful to be lied to by someone you loved and trusted. Good on you for leaving, it must have been a hard choice.
You have every right to feel disheartened by all the knock backs you've suffered but you have strived for better and that takes guts. Don't dismiss your life as only being work and kids because to cope with either one of those, let alone both, takes effort- never mind coping by yourself. I really hope you get some support on here, things will get better for you.