Final hearing - BTDT? Help needed!

[SlimSchadee]

Hello MNers,

I am scheduled for my final hearing this week. Stbxh has quite a lot of money, we have a young child and I am already working full time. His offer would quite literally impoverish me. We have no shared care and the costs of childcare and groceries/essentials alone would just barely be met. He earns more than 300k. I understand that the needs of the child are prioritised but he is fighting his corner so hard that I fear the judge will think I am unreasonable in what I am asking for.

My solicitors and barrister feel we have an incredibly strong argument but feel it is down to the judge on the day in terms of the capital award, spousal maintenance etc. I just keep imaginings something going horribly wrong and des and I winding up without any money and a massive mortgages can't meet at all.

Do MNers think the family courts are generally fair? Anyone btdt with final hearing?

DS and I.

The thing that you have to remember with judges is that they take the 'emotion' out of the situation iyswim?

They have paramateurs that they have to work in and see things from both sides. They do what is fair in the eyes of the law.

For an example, wher my ASAP and his ex wife divorced she wanted everything and I mean everything after a very long marriage. She 'fought' him through the courts for a number of years.

In the end at the FH she got severely chastised by the judge for refusing to negotiate and believing that she should walk away with everything.

In the end a 60:40 split was ordered which was offered to her when they first split. Plus she had a legal bill of tens if thousands of pounds.

DP not ASAP!?

I echo earthwindfire. My DH ex wanted everything too, she dragged it on for years, ran up massive legal bills in doing so. Not once did she compromise or seem to care about my DH at all.

The judge did not like it one bit and DH got everything he asked for. DH's barrister and lawyer went in there with an offer that was genuinely fair, not trying to stitch her up (even offered to take on some of her debt post separation). I think if you can protray yourself as the most reasonable party as opposed to both of you trying to screw each other over and I am sure you are not, then I am sure the judge is going to look at your situation and sympathise.

I am sure when both parties want to start WW3 in the courtroom the judge probably loses any sympathy and just wants to knock heads together.

I remember that absolute fear that you expereince when you pray to god the judge doesn't side with the ex and leave you up shit creek. So you have my sympathies there.

DH's ex ended up getting the settlement DH and his lawyer propsed 2 years previously but had to be pay 20k legal fees and wait for 2 years for the privelege. I don't know what her legal advice was but I doubt she listened to any of it!

Thanks for this. It's really not a matter of me trying to get everything. I'm trying not to be left destitute with a young child. I am working full time and he is insisting that I have to find a way to earn more. Would if I could, but not sure what is more than full time. It's just awful!

It is awful but you will get through it

Wanted to wish you good luck too.

I'm in similar situation, STBXH also making unrealistic offers. Spent most of today trying to work out how far I can cut back what were reasonable costs on form E for me and two teens to fit into the little he has said he can give. I also work full time, and think I will somehow need to earn a sizeable amount each month on top to manage.