Husband walked out yesterday - what do I do?

[MrsOB]

So, husband just walked out yesterday.

We have 2 DC (7 and 3) who were there when he stormed out. I don't know where he is but assume he is at his Mums getting spoilt with sympathy, while I'm left here with 2 very upset children.

Things haven't been great for a while, he works shifts, I work full time, we rarely see each other and I find it hard working full time and managing most of the childcare alone.

He has said (via text) that he is leaving because I obviously despise him (we haven't been intimate for around 10 months), and I only want him to stay because of the children.

So what happens now? He is supposed to be looking after DS this week in the half term while I work. He said he will pick up DS at 7:30 am and return him at 6 pm.

What do I tell the kids? I'm in shock and can't believe he has gone.

I have to go to work today and pretend all is rosy in my world....

That's pretty rough. Are you confident he will come and pick DS up? (And presumably take him to his mum's for the day). I think this should help to reassure the dc that their dad hasn't vanished completely.

He has created a deliberately shocking situation without any great concern for your feelings or the feelings of the dc. I suspect at some point soon the anger will hit you, which might be easier to bear.

On the one hand, you could leave it up to him to explain his actions to the children. But on the other, who knows what he might say: 'mummy doesn't love me and so she drove me out of the house'? If he doesn't care about upsetting them by flouncing out who knows what else he might be prepared to do to 'win' in this situation.

You could tell them that his mum asked him to come and stay for a few days to help her in the house, but that they can speak to him whenever they want to. The argument I would try to explain away as just a silly disagreement, as they must have from time to time over toys, that you're both very sorry for upsetting them.

In terms of work, would you be able to take leave at short notice this week? You may find it a useful distraction but I would think with uncertainty about the childcare arrangements it could also be another stressor that you could do without.

Keep posting - and make sure you have something to eat and drink. Cup of tea and a banana.

Well he waited outside the house and beeped his horn this morning for DS. Didn't come into see DS who was upset she didn't see him.

He has just text me to say he has loved his stuff out to his mums - so he has gone and DS was with him moving his things, which I think will probably stay with him forever :-(

He just says it's over and he doesn't want to talk about it with me. End of story.

I'm at work with my game face on

*moved his stuff!

Oh no my sympathies

Well done for keeping it together at work. It's very selfish him not wanting to discuss it. I had so something similar a few years back. The refusal to discuss and explain. When we got to the root of it, he was having a breakdown due to stress at work. With help of the GP we got things sorted.

Hope you get sorted either way. I really understand how your feeling right now x

If you want to PM feel welcome x

Do you love him?
Tell him.
And tell him again.

He literally won't discuss with me and is just blanking me, won't pick up phone or reply to my texts...

I have asked him if we can sit down and discuss like grown ups but nothing.

I am scared about where the kidsams I will live, and how this will affect them. I would like to sit down and work out what we tell them and make a plan to handle it but he is just not interested...

And thanks for the messages, feel so alone right now :-(

So you have said that you love him?

That is not nice what he made your DS do

I think that I would write a letter and sand it first class to his mum's address.

Snoofle, yes I have

I think that you need to repost this on the relationship board.
The board is a lot busier than this one.

Thanks snoofle, have done that